One of the major common complaints the moviegoing public has with the film industry today is the lack of original stories. We've all seen the major franchises grow, with a mass of unnecessary sequels and spin-offs seemingly coming our way every year. They're constantly complained about, but they almost always make bank. So, while they're at it, here's a list of spin-offs that would likely be amonst the worst, but the moviegoing public would love to see anyways.
Mr. Freeze (Batman & Robin)
The Ice Man cometh. While the Burton/Schumacher era of Batman has come and gone and been rebooted multiple times already, each time seemingly darker and more brooding than the last, it might be the time to a return to the campy origins of on-screen Batman. We’ve had our gritty, intellectual Batman villain spinoff with the Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie, now it’s time for a fun, campy Batman villain spinoff. And there would be no better way to do this than by having Arnold Schwarzenegger don the suit and kick some ice yet again.
Raptors (Jurassic Park)
This one, more than all the others on this list, has potential to actually be a fantastic movie. The Jurassic Park franchise, since it’s inception, has used human stories as a device to frame action around dinosaurs, throwing the humans into a situation where they must struggle to survive against the the threat of winding up a dinosaur chow. A key part of this equation being the terrifying Raptors. They run faster than you can, they’re smarter than most other animals, and they can eat your face off. This movie could be a horror cheese-fest, and an undoubtedly good time.
Twinkie (The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift)
Please stop laughing. Or keep laughing. Either way, you know you would love this. This spinoff of a spinoff would take another look at the character we saw all too little of in his sidekick role in Tokyo Drift, and would be potential for the Fast franchise to go back to it’s grounded, street racing roots. Since Fast and Furious (the fourth one), the franchise has shifted from being personal street racing and crime stories to large-scale bombastic action-adventure heist movies. A return to it’s small-scale roots is what the Fast franchise needs, and there is no better character suited to lead a movie going back to those roots than (the now not so Lil') Bow Wow’s Twinkie. They've brought back other characters from Tokyo Drift, it's a shame Twinkie isn't one of them. Bonus points if he brings back that godawful Hulk-themed Volkswagen.
Kirk Lazarus AKA Staff Seargent Lincoln Osiris (Tropic Thunder)
It goes without saying that this movie will never get made. Never. There is zero chance. The inclusion of Robert Downey Jr. wearing pseudo-blackface in Tropic Thunder in the first place certainly raised eyebrows upon it’s release over ten years ago, but the idea of an entire movie being released today completely centred around Downey’s character? Two hours of Staff Sergeant Lincoln Osiris? Hell no. But would Downey be hilarious and make you fall out of your chair laughing for two straight hours with his semi-racist attempts at jive speak? Hell yes.
Ned (Spider-Man)
Peter Parker’s “guy in the chair” is a great addition to the cast for the new Spider-Man movies. Jacob Batalon makes this role his own by being funny, caring, affable, and a great side character to Tom Holland’s Spidey. But the Marvel Cinematic Universe has rarely gone into smaller-scale territory, with almost every movie made dealing with some world-ending threat, and it could be confusing to audiences to walk into a Marvel movie that doesn't have that level of conflict. But it could also be said that the MCU could use some content like that, dealing less with masked villains destroying cities, and more about personal issues people face in everyday life. And seeing Ned deal with typical teenage issues as he tries to keep Peter Parker’s secret hidden would be a fantastic change of pace for Marvel.
Taserface (Guardians of the Galaxy 2)
Given that James Gunn almost didn’t even use the character, calling him “the dumbest character ever,” but being one of the comedic highlights of Guardians of the Galaxy 2, Taserface is definitely a shoe-in for this list. Taserface has potential to be a hysterical space-faring screwball comedy, of our protagonist trying to be taken seriously in a galaxy that time after time laughs in his face. A down-on-their-luck but lovable loser always makes for a great comedy protagonist, and putting one on a galactic adventure to prove his worth would be a truly unique spin on the comic book movie.
Slipknot (Suicide Squad)
The Man Who Can Climb Anything… Until he tries to climb something two minutes after he was introduced and had his head blown off by Joel Kinnaman's Rick Flagg. We barely got a glimpse of the criminally underrated Adam Beach’s rope-themed villain, turning him into a meme after Suicide Squad’s release. It was a waste of a unique character and a truly talented actor in a big-budget blockbuster. Would a spinoff movie about Slipknot be good? Likely not. Would it have a box office draw enough to justify it's release? Definitely not. Would it be a superbly enjoyable, meme-worthy experience? Without a doubt, yes.
Argus Filch (Harry Potter)
What would this movie even be about? Throughout the Harry Potter franchise, the non-magical Hogwarts caretaker has served simple as a comedic device through either his creepiness, his job at Hogwarts, his cat Mrs. Norris, or his magical ineptitude. However, he’s a unique character worth many laughs, played by the brilliant David Bradley, and has seen enough major events that watching a story centred around Filch might actually end up being a unique look at the magical world of Harry Potter, and loads of fun.
Gingy (Shrek)
We’ve seen Puss in Boots, and had a great time with it. But now it’s time the world gets another Shrek spinoff and takes a deeper look into everyone’s favourite gumdrop button-clad hero, the Gingerbread Man. For anyone who’s seen Scared Shrekless, we know that Gingy has a surprisingly dark backstory to him (no spoilers here, just watch it), and a darkly comedic take on a character as typically cheerful and colourful as Gingy would be either a laugh riot, or a cringefest. Either way, I’m buying a ticket.
Jar-Jar Binks (Star Wars)
Yousa know you want to see this. With the Skywalker Saga over, and the only story possibilities it looks like Disney is moving forward with are spinoffs and original stories set in the Star Wars universe. With Disney+ being thirsty for new content, and Star Wars being one of the tentpole franchises, now is the time that everyone’s favourite Gungan will have his time to shine. Demanded by the gods, it is.