Forget Thanos' Butt: Captain Marvel's Cat Should EAT Him

Warning: SPOILERS for Captain Marvel

We never thought that Avengers: Endgame theories would suggest that Ant-Man enter Thanos' butt, yet that is exactly where Marvel fans have taken the conversation. So if we're spinning outlandish theories, we believe the MCU has already shown that the best way to beat Thanos isn't to invade his lower intestines... it's swallowing him whole.

That's not a task for any of the Avengers who survived his snap, even if it would make for terrific revenge. It's not a mission for any human being at all, but a mysteriously gifted Flerken, also known as Captain Marvel's cat Goose. And while the directors of Endgame won't confirm or deny whether or not Goose survived Thanos' snap, we hope for the sake of the universe that she did. Because the true secret of her deadly tentacles is exactly what it will take to end Thanos once and for all. Not to mention spare Ant-Man his worst mission ever...

This Page: Don't Go In His Butt, Swallow Thanos Instead!
Page 2: Goose The Cat's Secret, Thanos-Beating Power

The Ant-Man/Thanos/Anus 'Thanus' Theory

Split image of Ant-Man and Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War

In case anyone has missed the emergence of this butt-focused Thanos theory--tragically referred to in some online circles as 'The Thanus Theory'--it may be hard to believe. But more than giving a brand new meaning to the term Endgame, the crude joke has taken on a life of its own. The first suggestion made sense: if Ant-Man penetrated Thanos' defenses by entering his body through an orifice, he could manage to circumvent his incredibly durable skin (invincible enough to yield a single drop of blood in response to Iron Man's most violent assault). Once inside, Ant-Man need only grow to his normal size, or to the Giant Man scale, and kill Thanos in gruesome yet effective fashion.

Before long, the theory had spurred on creative interpretations of how Ant-Man would invade Thanos in a heated battle, until even Josh Brolin posted a response to the Thanos Butt Theory. Sadly, nobody stopped to realize the most crucial drawback to the plan: the experience wouldn't go as smoothly for Scott Lang as fans seem to suggest. As Drax and the Guardians of the Galaxy explained in their second film, an impenetrable skin is just as impenetrable from the inside. Meaning growing to full size could kill Thanos from inside out... but it would almost certainly mean the death of Ant-Man, as well. A worthwhile sacrifice, perhaps--but not one the Avengers need to make if they follow our plan, instead.

Goose The Cat Should Swallow Thanos, Instead

After seeing Captain Marvel, it would be tempting to say "Goose the cat should just swallow Thanos whole" and be done with it. The Flerken's ability to spew out a massive storm of tentacles and consume enemies is as close to a 'win button' as the Marvel movies have gotten. But there's more to the theory than a solid joke. To understand why Goose is the perfectly-crafted Thanos killer, audiences will need to learn about the secret behind her abilities. We're referring not only to the ability to spew tentacles, but to swallow the Tesseract without issue.

The question isn't how Goose can survive swallowing an Infinity Stone, or a Mad cosmic Titan, and live. The question is where they go when Goose swallows them. And the answer to that question spells out the Avengers' next movie perfectly. Buckle up.

Page 2 of 2: Goose The Cat's Secret, Thanos-Beating Power

The Secret of Goose The Cat's Tentacles

The Captain Marvel movie took most of its inspiration from her most recent comic update, and that includes turning Carol's cat into Chewie, the alien Flerken, possessing the horrifying (but seriously handy) ability to unleash a torrent of tentacles upun her enemies. And while that may seem like a gag, it was actually tied to real questions of physiology and space. The mystery started when Chewie laid dozens of eggs without anyone noticing, and Carol turned to an animal rescue for help. Here's how the previously hidden eggs were explained in Captain Marvel #8 (2014) by writer Kelly Sue DeConnick:

"For one thing, we think Chewie has been gestating her eggs the entire time she's been with you... If we ever figure out how to talk to her, we'll ask [how]. Until then, we think it has to do with her pocket dimensions. Like hamster cheeks, almost. Chewie has physical access to bubbles of space and time that exist in other worlds. She can hide things larger than she would appear to be inside those pockets--eggs, for instance, tentacles--and we think she can use them for transport, though we're not sure how."

That theoretical explanation--that Flerken are able to access pockets of space internally--makes perfect sense, and justifies the launching of tentacles or egg batches far larger than their bodies. In the Captain Marvel movie, the filmmakers take that same premise to a new end: if Goose isn't actually holding the things she swallows "inside her body," then what would keep her from slurping up the Tesseract? Holding it may burn Nick Fury's hands and disintegrate Red Skull... but if Goose isn't actually holding it at all, merely placing it in a bubble dimension, how could it do any harm?

Goose Can Beat Thanos, or Save The Avengers

For the same reason that Goose can 'ingest' an Infinity Stone, she would be able to put an end to the reign of Thanos in any number of ways. If the Avengers time travel in Endgame to a point before Thanos gains all the Infinity Stones, having Goose swallow him whole would be akin to stranding him in a temporal/spatial limbo. Goose had to regurgitate the Tesseract eventually, but a physical being like Thanos shouldn't be any different than the other Kree soldiers Goose consumes in the movie, either.

Bur what if Thanos does get most of the Infinity Stones before Goose orally transports him into a pocket dimension? What good would Power be? Can the Space Stone work across dimensions? Most importantly, if Goose recognizes friend from foe, could she know to never let Thanos out once swallowed? It's a compelling riddle, but let's not forget the other way that Goose can help the Avengers in their attack. Remember: as a Flerken, Goose has "physical access to bubble of space and time."

Are we suggesting that Goose will swallow the Avengers to help teleport them across the universe and assemble as one unit? No, even though Chewie does teleport herself and Carol's friend later in the same issue. But if Goose can move objects or people from one point in space and time to another... the backup plan will always be there, should Captain Marvel and the Avengers need her. Here's hoping.

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