Could Arrested Development exist without its queen of backhanded compliments, passive-aggressive behavior, and brutal honesty? Nope. Lucille Bluth is problematic in more ways than one, but we can't help but sympathize with her. It's just so hard when your money can't rescue you from all of your problems, right?
In a way, she holds the family together. Yes, technically Michael does that. But without her, how would her children learn to be critical — ahem, we mean real as they head into life? For that, they owe it to Lucille. Now, the story of a wealthy woman who had no choice but to keep her family together with quotes we all relate to.
“I Don’t Understand The Question, And I Won’t Respond To It”
In “Public Relations” (S1E11), while eating dinner at Klimpy’s, Lucille and Lindsay get into a fight while drunk together. Of course, their squabble results in the police showing up. It also may or may not have found its way into the newspaper.
Regardless, Lucille stands her ground. She knows that it’s better to be real and stay silent than dig yourself into a darker hole. If only this momentary wisdom could last the entire series.
“I Love All My Children Equally… I Don’t Care For Gob”
Lucille has mastered the fine art of balancing her frankness and her coverups. There are appropriate times to say what mothers are supposed to say, and there are appropriate times to instead be real about your children.
What did Gob really expect? He’s not Buster. Let’s not pretend there isn’t some honest favoritism going on here. We get it.
“It’s One Banana, Michael. What Could It Cost? 10 Dollars?”
While most of us probably have some idea of how much fruit sells for at the grocery store, we do relate to Lucille’s shameless claim of ignorance in “Charity Drive” (S1E5).
Lucille blows up at Michael in her calm and collected way for charging his brother for a frozen banana from the Bluth family banana stand. While her memorable words are outrageous, we feel her unaware attitude to the core. If it doesn't concern you, what's the point in knowing about it?
“Get Me A Vodka Rocks… And A Piece Of Toast”
Do you ever have those days that you just know are going to be bad? Lucille does.
Let’s put this into context. Lucille only added that she wanted a piece of toast with her alcoholic beverage after Michael reminded her it was breakfast. Mood. At least she knows not to skip the most important meal of the day. She’s clearly doing something right.
"You’re Telling Me There’s No Alcohol? What The Hell Are We Supposed To Do For Two Days?"
While spending time with Lindsey at a spa in the desert to avoid rehab, Lucille comes to realize her getaway isn’t as great as it could be. She’s particularly bothered by the fact that there are four saunas, three steam baths, and an Olympic-sized swimming pool at the location, yet no alcohol to be found anywhere.
Despite the fact that Lucille does have an actual drinking problem, when you isolate the quote, you feel it. There has to be a time in your life where the lack of beverage options present was rather concerning. Her “Exit Strategy” (S3E12) quote is a little too real.
“I Wanna Cry So Bad, But I Don’t Think I Can Spare The Moisture”
Okay, so the context for this joke changes it quite a bit. That being said, even isolated, it's still pretty great. Hint: It originally has to do with Lucille and George’s private lives. Just go watch the episode—it’s "Prison Break-In" (S3E7).
Paying no attention to what Lucille really means by this, we feel her level of prima donna. Maybe it’s not a good thing to be so blunt, but at least she is her. She makes it look cool to not care.
“I Don’t Know Who That Is, And I Don’t Care To Find Out”
Partway through “Out on a Limb” (S2E11), Michael tells his mother about a Michael Moore look-alike who was featured in a bit for Jimmy Kimmel Live, to which Lucille responds the above.
There are too many people in this world to keep track of them all. There are always friends of friends to remember, celebrities to keep track of, extended family members that we have to store way in the back of our brains — so is it really necessary to act like we care about every single one of them? Lucille may be onto something.
“Oh, That’s How We Joke. She Doesn’t Even Have A House”
This fabulous quote comes right after Lucille tells her house cleaner, Luz, not to get anything on a coat because it costs more than her house. Now reread the quote. We’ll wait.
Michael is clearly bothered by his mother’s frankness, but who can stop her? She’s rich, she’s powerful, and she doesn’t give a flip. We all have those friends we joke with harshly. Just please don’t say this to the people who clean your house. It's not exactly a nice thing to say.
“She Thinks I’m Too Critical. That’s Another Fault Of Hers”
Lindsey’s mother throws a lot of shade at her. Despite this, there are definitely times people deserve this kind of bluntness.
Lucille says these honest words to Maeby after her granddaughter reveals the real reason she is there: because her mother thought hanging out with Lucille would serve as a solid punishment. If someone thought your presence could be used as a punishment, you might respond the same way.
“Here’s Some Money. Go See A Star War”
Lucille’s cluelessness is golden, and we are here for it. Why does it matter if you know how to properly refer to one of the world's most beloved film franchises? Why should that concern you?
What actually bothers us is the fact that Lucille handed her adopted son, Annyong, only a dollar. Wow. Movies must cost less than frozen bananas in Lucille's world!