It may be common knowledge by now, but the most quotable human being to ever live on Earth has got to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. And if you think I'm wrong, I challenge you to create a 10-minute video using only awesomely bad one-liners from another person's career or life.
That's right, what follows is 10 minutes and arguably 160 hilarious lines spoken with the most wonderful Austrian-American accent in the world. Presented over at Collider, it's our job to make this Pajiba creation an Internet sensation.
I've given some crossover entertainers a hard time before, and a lot of people want to pin that problem on Arnold, but he's just in a whole different league (world, universe). Not only does he seem to be cognizant of his own hilarity, he embraces it. If Arnold has been taking himself seriously all this time, then I am deeply sorry for a number of reasons. His Mr. Freeze is hilariously awful, but I don't think for one second he expected the character to be taken seriously. And that goes for some of his career; a pregnant man (Junior) and an undercover cop posing as a kindergarten substitute (Kindergarten Cop) were just asking to make their way into a video like this.
But most of Arnold's career has been upheld by passionate fans of film franchises like Predator, Conan and Terminator. It's a funny thing, why we love Arnold. He's made his way into action fans' hearts with memorable characters that kick ass, but there is a mutual understanding that laugh-inducing one-liners are acceptable in the worlds he creates. Keep in mind, "Ahnuld" will soon be back on the screen in The Expendables, and one can only pray he'll give us more of the same.
Now listen to me very carefully. Freeze, put that cookie down and get to the chopper later. It's party time. And you may be asking, "Why should I?" Because I'm going to say please:
All that laughter and love has come to fruition and the reward is substantial. It may be the longest ten minutes of your life because there's just so much to take in.
What's nice is the time the creator took to make it a cohesive story with a distinct pattern, rather than just blindly throwing quotes out there. After all that, don't forget that Arnold now runs the entire state of California. Wait, I'm sorry, "Cally-four-knee-ah."
The Expendables hits theaters August 20, 2010.