With fans waiting with bated breath for a new American Horror Story season in autumn 2022, it's fun to look back at some of the favorite characters, so far. Madison Montgomery is known for nothing if not her killer one-liners and genius snark. While plenty of what she says can be cruel or self-absorbed, she still comes out with some perfectly relatable lines.
Madison's appearances in both Coven and Cult deal with fantastical elements of witchcraft and time travel, yet she still manages to say things that hit home with everyday people. Her most relatable quotes span the two seasons that she is in, and they concern everything from Eminem to retail.
Indulging In Vices
"I Need A Cigarette."
Immediately after Misty raises Madison's corpse from the dead, this is the first thing that the resurrected witch says and it's perhaps even a contender for one of the most iconic one-liners in American Horror Story.
Not everybody smokes cigarettes, but everyone does have those moments where the only thing that they need is to indulge in their favorite vice, even if it is simply a heavily iced slice of chocolate cake. As anyone can imagine, being raised from the dead might just be one of these moments.
Personal Performances
"I'm A Huge Eminem Fan. When Does He Get Here?"
In Coven, Fiona calls Stevie Nicks to perform for Misty Day, who is the White Witch's biggest fan on either side of the Mississippi. Madison says this to Fiona during the performance. This is not Nicks' only performance on AHS, as her appearance in Apocalypse holds some hidden details that everyone missed.
Very few people can resist shouting along the lyrics to Lose Yourself. Beyond a specific preference for Eminem, though, if anyone's boss were to hire their peers' favorite musical artist to give a personal performance, they might be left saying, "What about me?"
Spotting A Player
"Players Only Love You When They're Playin.'"
Madison says this to Misty Day while she tries to convince her that Stevie Nicks is just trying to earn her favor so that Misty will be able to do her favors as the next supreme.
This relatable quote pinpoints that feeling that comes with those who take advantage of others by always expecting something in return. While most viewers are not necessarily standing at the head of a coven, everybody knows to look out for players with less-than-altruistic intentions.
Remodeling
"I Just Love This Room, Especially The Walk-In Closet. I Need That."
While swindling an ill Fiona into believing that she is the next Supreme, Madison says this while scoping out the Supreme's bedroom.
A walk-in closet is a tempting feature in a bedroom for most people, but especially for those who are as fashion-forward as Madison Montgomery. Although, most might not have the gall to say this while the current powerful witch occupant still resides there.
Begging For Mercy
"No, no, no. Please don't call my manager."
Madison Montgomery pleads with a customer that returns a maggot-filled crockpot while she works retail in her own personal hell.
Some people might be able to relate to this plea, even if they've only just said it internally to themselves. No one wants an angry customer to make them look bad in front of the person that signs their checks.
The Bargaining Stage
"I Promise To Be So Good If I Get Another Chance!"
Madison says this to Michael Langdon while begging him to get her out of her personal retail Hell. It may seem like an empty promise from a desperate witch, but she does an excellent job of delivering on it.
For those who are prone to making mistakes, second chances are a godsend -- or, in Madison's case, a devil-send. This quote sums up the plea that so many people send out into the universe when they want another shot at proving their worth.
Sympathy For The Devil
"Okay I Know It's Weird, But I Kind Of Feel For The Guy."
In the iconic Apocalypse episode, "Return to Murder House," Madison says this to Behold Chablis about Tate, who is still stuck in the murder house with Violet refusing to see him. She eventually does help both Tate and Violet by reuniting them, which is one of the times fans loved Madison Montgomery.
At this point, viewers feel the same way about Tate. Later in the episode, Madison points out that the house uses Tate as a vessel and that any evil in him leaves with Michael. This rids him of his mass murderer tendencies and leaves only the pitiful, lovable parts of the dead teenager that viewers cannot help but root for.
Hopeful Hauntings
"I Would Gladly Haunt The S**t Out Of That Place."
Madison says this to Behold about the studio where the producers made her do her first nude scene for no other reason than for the director to get his rocks off.
Everyone can probably quickly bring to mind that one place that they would gladly haunt in the afterlife. For some, like Madison, it is somewhere they would take no issue about wreaking havoc. For others, they might prefer spending the rest of eternity somewhere that they enjoy in life. Either way, everyone has their own equivalent of the studio.
Leave A Review
"Don't Forget To Rate Me Five Stars ... Please."
Madison turns around to Coco and Mallory and says this after giving them one of the worst Uber rides in history. The two passengers, whose memories have been wiped of Madison's existence, are frazzled.
Madison knows that she will get no such rating, but the sentiment is relatable. Rideshare drivers, delivery people, business owners, dog walkers, students, and workers in just about every occupation across the board have all vied for that perfect customer rating to keep their clientele coming back for more.
A Hellacious Return
"Oh, F**k. I Guess It's Back To Retail."
Immediately before the antichrist causes Madison's head to explode, she says this line, referring to the retail-centric Hellscape that awaits her in the afterlife.
The customer service space that Madison spends her eternity in is not entirely unrealistic for those who have worked in retail. So, plenty of people can relate to the disappointment in her voice with her last line in Apocalypse.