Oh 90 Day Fiancé, why are you so good to us, while being so seemingly awful to the people featured on your show? The nature of reality television is to adulterate whatever it features, and TLC's overseas series seems to really take that to heart.
Most of these relationships are so glaringly flawed, that doom is being flashed on a neon sign mere inches from the couple's face. Yet, for the love of love, and probably money, they persevere, letting their failing lives fester for the entertainment of the world. It's admirable, really.
Even sadder than the ones who see it coming are the ones who don't. Old men oblivious to why the "love of their life" keeps asking them to bring suitcases full of panties or asking about their finances are even more shocked when the wife leaves after the wedding.
Overweight women don't understand why their Moroccan boyfriend doesn't look at them as tenderly as he once did after her adulterous ways are exposed.
The list goes on as to why so many of these relationships are fake, either as plotted scams to gain citizenship or at the prodding of producers at TLC, as the most entertaining couples have artificial life breathed into them, the walls crumbling around their heads.
Either way, we've gathered 15 Of The Most Obviously Fake Couples from 90 Day Fiancé and exposed the falsities of their relationships, so you can be aware of what to look for when bringing a piece of tail overseas.
15 Danielle And Mohammed
If there is one couple on 90 Day Fiancé that immediately raises suspicion, it's Danielle and Mohammed. From the drastic age difference to the whole "I can't kiss you at our wedding due to religious reasons," the relationship was fake from the get-go.
However, apparently no one told Danielle about the truth behind her relationship. Following the progression of their relationship on the show, you can see the devastation of the failed relationship playing out on her face, one vacant, confused stare at a time.
How surprised can you really be that a young Tunisian man isn't satisfied living in the bleak wastes of Sandusky, Ohio, especially with an older woman who's prone to screaming fits following him around all day?
14 Mark And Niki
This one is just sad-- Niki was most definitely fishing for a green card, but she got so, so much more when she found Mark.
Mark might be one of the most oblivious human beings when it comes to women to ever to walk the surface of the earth. He gives Niki his ex-wife's (a woman from the same country as Niki) car, and doesn't understand why she gets upset.
Is it nice that he gave her a car? Yes, of course it is. Is it messed up that he repeatedly brings up his ex-wife, and can't seem to help himself from mentioning that it's her car every time she's in it?
In fact, Mark pretty much only mentions his ex-wife to Niki, all while trying to awkwardly acclimate her into being his new wife.
One thing is for certain, Niki: no green card is worth being married to Mark.
13 Jorge And Anfisa
This relationship is one of the fakest (and most entertaining) that has ever occurred in the history of the series. Anfisa, an ex-webcam girl with a heart of coal, is perpetually mad that Jorge isn't as rich as he let on during their online relationship.
This one was pretty much doomed from the start, as Anfisa kicks Jorge out of the apartment on a near constant basis or explodes into violence, accosting him on the spot.
Are the beatings justified? Considering that Jorge told her that he was stuffed to the double chin with cash to get her over to the States, yes, they probably are.
The two now have spin-off series in their future, leading to a bizarre cycle of constantly breaking up and getting back together to keep the drama gravy flowing, signifying that the relationship has achieved levels of phoniness previously unknown in the reality television world.
12 Nicole And Azan
This one may have been genuine at first. Azan and Nicole really did seem happy when they first met each other, often sharing bashful smiles and kind words with one another. However, things quickly started a downward trajectory after they had spent just a few days together.
From Nicole not being able to keep pace with Azan as he sprinted up a sand dune to her constant inhalation of french fries (why is any of this a surprise to him?), Azan's disappointment grew every day that they spent together.
Nicole ended up cheating on Azan while they were living in their respective countries, leaving Azan to carry on the relationship out of spite, as they pretty much hate each other now.
Azan would have left Nicole if not under pressure from the producers to keep it going for the show's sake, meaning that he may be subject to her arm shoving tactics for the foreseeable future.
11 Matt And Alla
As another relationship that seemed somewhat genuine at first, Matt and Alla's relationship quickly fell apart into the green card grabbing scheme it had always been shortly after they were married.
Alla has openly come out and said that she doesn't love Matt, citing that she got married to him to get out of her own country and into the States.
It's sad too, Matt isn't an ugly dude... he may be a bit older, but he did turn down a lap dance at his bachelor party. Although, we wouldn't want to mess up our Indiana Jones hat with whatever nastiness that stripper was carrying in that bikini either.
The constant pestering from Matt's family didn't help the relationship in the least, essentially driving Alla to reveal her true intentions after the wedding was all said and done.
10 Chantel And Pedro
Again, this one seemed real when it first started and was one of the relationships that had the best chances of having a happy ending. The two are in the same age group, she speaks his language, and they could stand each other longer than fifteen minutes-- the future looked bright for Chantel and Pedro.
Then, Chantel and Pedro had to move the bed into the kitchen and it all went to hell.
Pedro's main focus in the relationship was never Chantel, it was sending money back to his mother and sister still living in the Dominican Republic. It all came to a boil when they had their wedding at a resort in the Dominican Republic, leading to Chantel and the women of Pedro's family to get in a heated debate in the lobby.
They got married anyway to the disdain of both families, leaving the mystery of Pedro's sister being his actual wife to remain a conversation best had over a plate of chicken's feet.
9 Elizabeth And Andre
This one may not seem fake on the surface, but don't be fooled. An international fling becomes romance, as Elizabeth and Andre decided to get hitched after their initial time spent together. All well and good, right?
Not exactly. The more time they spent together on camera, the more obvious the true nature of their relationship became apparent to the viewers at home-- Andre is a real controlling turd.
As soon as he touched down in the States (after almost not being allowed back in for abusing visa privileges), Andre has done nothing but dictate what Elizabeth can and can't do.
From telling her sisters that she isn't allowed to have a bachelorette party in Vegas to openly telling her family that he doesn't care what they think, he's a real gem.
This relationship is fake because Elizabeth just wants to prove her family wrong about their "love" and Andre just wants an emotional punching bag-- no love is involved.
8 Evelyn And David
A side note before we start: these two are extremely awful human beings. Evelyn's entire reality consists of a dying small American town, where she is a musical superstar, despite sounding like a bag of cats in a washing machine when she sings.
David, on the other hand, is a condescending scab who's quickly realizing that proposing to Evelyn may be the worst mistake he has ever made in his life.
Their relationship was lovely online and long distance simply because they never had to be around each other when it wasn't convenient. Now that they spend all their time together, they are quickly realizing that they do not like each other in the least.
Considering that one of their main attractions to each other was religious beliefs, it seems unlikely that they will separate in the engagement period even if they can't stand being in each other's presence.
7 Molly And Luis
Poor Molly, she seems like such a nice lady, especially after her stint as a co-star on TLC's bosom-centric Double Divas. While Molly was on vacation where she met Luis, a bartender at a resort who took an immediate interest in her, leading to the two hitting it off.
He proposed, she accepted, and now they're back in America, where their relationship has quickly deteriorated into a mockery of what it used to be.
Molly's kids hate Luis, and Luis doesn't really seem to care that much, sending Molly into tears every episode. He also seems to take more interest in the strippers at his bachelor party than he ever did with Molly, considering he's 20+ years younger than her.
Even though it's been pointed out numerous times that things aren't working out, Luis doesn't seem bothered-- he has stated that he doesn't care if things work out between the two, as long as he gets that sweet, sweet green card.
6 David And Annie
What may be the most stereotypically fake relationship on the show is David and Annie, who were doomed from the get-go.
David is an old, washed up man with a drinking problem and no job. He mooches off of his successful friend for a place to live. Annie is a seemingly sweet girl from a poor farming village that is quickly realizing that a relationship with David may not be worth the green card.
Although the two were happy enough when David was overseas (minus David's complete lack of funds for nearly everything), as soon as they touched down in the States, it all hit the fan.
It quickly came out that David can't handle his liquor, and is just fine treating Annie and his friend's family like garbage. Run Annie, run far away before it's too late.
5 Josh And Aika
Josh is a 40-something man child who scored an incredibly attractive girlfriend from overseas, although Aika's personality doesn't quite match her physical appearance. Aika is consistently upset that Josh is lacking in funds and a stable living situation, and she isn't afraid to tell him.
Josh is a pushover who may have the best eye contact avoidance tactics we have ever seen in action-- when Aika starts asking the hard questions, Josh buttons up and is suddenly quite interested in the finer points of his kitchen's wallpaper.
As entertaining as it is to watch, it's sad that Josh is being slapped around so easily for what little money he has, since Aika makes a lot of financially heavy demands that Josh simply can't keep up with.
We're guessing she figures that she might as well milk his wallet before taking off with her green card.
4 Sean And Abby
It's baffling how these two have convinced themselves that this is a serious relationship. Sean is a controlling, older man obsessed with young exotic women, while Abby is banging flabby saltines to drive her lucrative illegal undergarments operation.
Abby lives in Haiti, where the panties are apparently comparable to wearing a thong made out of cactus spines, so she makes her dough by seducing older men with promises of intimate relations, but only if they bring over suitcases packed to the seams with quality American lingerie.
Don't believe it? Consider Chris, the panty smuggler of Abby's past who tries his best to get some despite knowing about Sean. Girl can play, that's for sure.
3 Larry And Jenny
We don't know if anyone told you, but Larry cashed in his 401k for this. Larry is a bit of an odd duck-- he has a seriously bizarre YouTube channel, has severe social anxiety, and can't seem to pick up on the most obvious of social cues.
Just eat the pig Larry, her family went out of their way (and wallet), to make you feel welcome-- this is no time for your weenie tendencies about eating an animal to take presidence.
Their relationship is obviously a fake. From Jenny totally not being on Fillipinocupid.com that one time (even though her login history says she was) to Larry trying to desperately grab for something in a failing life, the cards are all laid out for a green card scam.
Sorry Larry, no one wants to watch your 38 minute YouTube video about driving doctors shot completely in negative.
2 Paul And Karine
This one is alarming, because we don't think Karine knows that she is marrying a serial killer. Paul is a really weird dude with severe psychological problems and a criminal record, who ran (like a penguin) into the jungle once she found out about his past and threatened to throw himself into a river.
The man puts up more red flags than a parade, and Karine just follows along, speaking to him through his translator app. If you guys don't speak the same language, getting married might not be the best decision.
Also, Karine pretty much called it off only to have Paul show up at her door begging her to take him back.
She reluctantly accepted, and as far as we know, she hasn't been heard from since. We're guessing she's in one of Paul's six travel cargo containers that most likely contain the bodies of his other girlfriends.
1 Darcey And Jesse
Darcey and Jesse seemed normal at first. They had an age difference to be sure, but they both had a really good time together, despite Darcey looking like a lizard person and Jesse constantly checking out his own abs every time he passed a mirror.
Then, things started to get real weird. Darcey went out to go have some wine with Jesse's mom, which is super normal for a significant other. In fact, it was really nice that Darcey wanted to get to know Jesse's family at all.
However, when she came back a little buzzed, Jesse acted like she had come back wearing a coat fashioned out of human skin.
How dare she drink alcohol and feel its effects. The whole thing ended with Darcey promising Jesse to never drink again, which prompted him to give her a promise ring-- a ceremony that most stop doing in sixth grade.
This relationship is phony because it's Darcey's desperation to find a mate, and Jesse's predatory instincts in controlling her behavior, that serves as the real glue between them.
What do you think? Were there any other obviously fake relationships on 90 Day Fiancé that we forgot? Sound off in the comments!