As long as 90 Day Fiancé is on the air, we will be here to point out how horrifying-- and equally enjoyable-- it is. Now, like most things that require a visa, implants, and money, they'll always be some obvious scamming going on.
In typical TLC fashion, they can't just have the mediocrity of life running rampant on their show, and god forbid someone actually learn something on the learning channel. So 90 Day Fiancé has been pumped full of fake relationships and abusive actors who spew vitriol and strike out against the love of their life for little to no reason-- and that's just Anfisa.
For every fake relationship on the show, there is one that seems to be basis for at least a little truth-- relationships where the people actually know each other, aren't more age appropriate to be in a parent/child relationship, and can stand being in the same room for more than 30 seconds at a time.
Don't worry about sorting them all out, though, leave that to us. Here are the are 8 Totally Fake (And 7 Obviously Real) Couples From 90 Day Fiancé.
Fake: Anfisa And Jorge
You mean we're insinuating that a Russian cam girl turned mail order bride could possibly be using an American man-child that's at least two weight classes up from her to gain citizenship?
Why yes, that's exactly what we're saying. It's easy to watch a single episode featuring Jorge and Anfisa and realize that there isn't much to their relationship aside from expensive gifts and Jorge essentially being Anfisa's personal punching bag.
Considering the fact that they've broken up and gotten back together multiple times since their initial run on the series-- and talk of their own series being in the works in light of that-- seems to signal that there wasn't much to this relationship in the first place.
Real: Evelyn And David
No one wants this one to be fake more than us, but dang it, if they aren't in love we don't know what they are.
Does David sometimes stare at Evelyn like she just took the lord's name in vain? Yes. Does Evelyn actually believe that the best apples in the world are somehow located in Claremont, New Hampshire? Yes, she does.
Neither of these religiously devout weenies are perfect, but then again who is? Even though Evelyn's singing voice is akin to a bag of alley cats in a washing machine, and David becomes physically ill at the mere mention of intimate contact, they decided to get married and have been together since.
Hopefully David gets Evelyn out of Claremont, and away from a recording studio, as soon as possible.
Fake: Danielle And Mohammed
Danielle and Mohammed are a classic example of a fake couple-- well, to everyone but Danielle. She cried tears of joy when Mohammed finally walked through the airport gate, but she failed to recognize that he essentially kept the same unhappy expression on his face as soon as he met her in person.
Look at that picture above and to the right; Mohammed is clearly unhappy to be at Danielle's family reunion (as evidenced by her possible relative photobombing in the background), but who could blame him?
Despite their relationship falling apart, and Danielle shedding tears and throwing binders full of printed out pages of text messages for the majority of her onscreen appearances, both are still involved with a whole bunch of TLC-ness, with specials and appearances still happening every couple of seasons.
Real: Josh And Aleksandra
Lets all just come right out and say it: Josh got the sweet end of the deal on this one. He gets a "reformed" party girl from Prague, while Aleksandra gets a mormon dork with the awkwardest family imaginable.
Still, it looks like these two were really in love, considering that they got married and pregnant shortly after their stint on the show ended. Josh was even so good that he stayed with Aleksandra after their baby came out looking nothing like either of them-- as in a completely different ethnicity.
Say what you will, but that Mormon boy does not have an ounce of anything else other than wonder bread and saltine in him.
Still, the two are together and living happily with a child, so good for them-- they seem to be one of the most normal couples to crawl out of the flaming circle of hell known to mortals as reality television.
Fake: Molly And Luis
This is another classic case of "portly ex-star from TLC falls in love with a Dominican resort bartender who's like 30 years younger" if we've ever seen one. Seriously, though, how could a living, breathing human being so blind?
To top it off, Molly was pressured into marrying Luis on paper shortly after he landed in the US and started living with her. If a twenty-something Dominican bartender is pressuring you into signing your life away, you may want to reevaluate your life decisions up to that point.
Sadly, it seemed like Molly was really excited that someone may love her, in comparison to the usual level of compassion she receives from her lawnmower beer drinking brother and anti-immigrant father. However, next time Molly, just open your eyes.
Real: Loren And Alexei
Probably the most genuine couple to ever be caught up in the putrescent side show that is 90 Day Fiancé, Loren and Alexei are also one of the show's most annoyingly self righteous pairings.
We get it, your love is real and everyone else on the show is embarrassing and does a disservice to the K1 visa process. Considering the fact that a lot of the individuals and relationships are "come the tell all" special, we figure they don't need much reminding of their poor life decisions.
Plus, there is absolutely no way that Loren and her family couldn't have known that Tourrete Syndrome could be passed genetically. Get off your high horse and Google everything wrong with you like the rest of us, Loren.
Fake: Courtney And Antonio
Courtney is pathetic in every sense of the word; aside from getting nice and ripe from sitting dejectedly on a park bench in the sweltering Spaniard heat, she proceeds to go full on sweatpants and glasses as soon as she can, a sure sign that she is already nesting in an apartment that is way too small for one person, let alone two.
Antonio is somehow able to fold himself like a contortionist to sleep on his couch, which is better suited for a dollhouse than a life sized dwelling. He also has a voice that sounds like Randy Newman was sucking the helium out of birthday balloons for the better part of an hour. Fake people, fake relationship.
Real: Russ And Pao
Russ and Pao's relationship can pretty much be summed up by the above picture-- Pao is bubbly, beautiful, and enjoying life, while Russ looks like he is trying his hardest to figure out who farted.
Regardless, their love is genuine. While it may look like the most obvious green card scam of all time, Pao and Russ remained strong through the trials and tribulations of 90 Day Fiancé, even when Pao decided to start her modeling "career" in Miami while Russ stayed in Oklahoma.
It isn't hard to see that they have a real relationship, even if Russ is continuously unhappy that Pao proceeds to expose her body to the world at large.
Fake: Sean And Abby
Abby has a serious scheme in the works-- she convinces old white men to bring her panties from abroad to resell on her native island of Haiti; a land where the panties are apparently made out of the shed hair from coconuts.
If your relationship centers around a business arrangement in lingerie, it might be a good idea to take a step back and reevaluate. Are you old enough to be her father and do you have to bring her suitcases stuffed to the zippers with panties every time you visit?
If you answered yes to either of these questions then your relationship may not have been real to begin with.
Real: David And Annie
Hear us out on this one-- even though it may seem at first glance that Annie is trying to hustle an old white man with the worst taste in shirts ever, we firmly believe that these two are in love.
Why? Even after she finds out that David's balling of ladies of the night ended his last marriage, she still marries him. If that makes it seem like even more of a scam, consider the fact that she could have fled at any time before that.
For example, she could have left when David got way too drunk and mocked her or when his daughter from his previous marriage-- who resembles Master Splinter with bad french tips-- threw water in his face and tried to talk her out of it. Not even his rat of a daughter could chew through the strong chords of their love.
Fake: Mark And Nikki
The picture above was captured at just the perfect moment; the moment Nikki realized how old Mark actually was, and that there was no way for her to get out of this-- it was already way too late.
We don't even think that Nikki was on the conniving end of this relationship, as it's clear that Mark was. He definitely brought Nikki to the US so that he could break her in like a baseball glove and show her off to all of his friends.
Sure, the man has money, but that doesn't equal love-- especially when he's so cheap that he gives Nikki his ex-wife's car, most likely after his ex jumped out of the window after spending only a few years with Mark.
Real: Chantel And Pedro
Yeah, this one really devolved into an all out TLC fest later on in its respective season, but it definitely started out as a genuine relationship and clearly remains one to this day.
For example, the relationship between both Chantel and Pedro was able to withstand chicken feet, pink cowboy hats, and an abusive mother/sister duo-- so you know it has to be real.
Heck, they've stayed together even after Chantel moved her bed into the kitchen because they didn't have enough money to afford a bigger place due to Pedro sending all of his money to mommy dearest.
If that doesn't break up a relationship, nothing will. Therefore chances are high that they're in this for life.
Fake: Nicole And Azan
The fact that both Nicole and Azan still on the show at all is the only proof that you should need-- obviously the love and romance has been lacking from this relationship for a long time.
The only reason why Nicole and Azan are still on the air is because TLC has tapped into what viewers really want to see and is delivering it in spades: watching Nicole slap Azan around like a rag doll and watching Azan do nothing to defend himself and constantly break down.
Even if the love was still there, Nicole is apparently too busy slapping other scrawny men around in America behind Azan's back to realize this, so clearly it would never last.
Real: Elizabeth And Andre
We weren't team Andre when the season started, but since the last grueling minutes of the season ticked by, we've grown to like him since he now doesn't seem like such a bad guy.
The fact that he has been able to keep his cool in America-- where Elizabeth's entire family hates him because of his accent-- really speaks volumes about the guy, and it's clear that most fans were completely wrong about him.
Additionally, both Andre and Elizabeth met in person before they starred on the show, and even had a nice little low key wedding without either of them throwing a fit about money or red makeup bags, unlike many other couples on 90 Day Fiancé. This is clearly true love at its finest.
Fake: Larry And Jenny
If you meet your wife to-be on Filipino Cupid, it may be time to take a long hard look in the mirror and reevaluate your life-- after all, there must be better things to spend your 401k on, Larry.
Instead, perhaps he should have put some of that money into his weirdo Youtube channel so that people could have actually watched some of his videos and he could have actually gained an audience of some sort.
Aside from that, Jenny has pretty much hated Larry ever since they met in person (and before, we're sure). Larry is far from perfect-- the guy refuses to eat dinner with Jenny's family and screams wildly at men at the airport-- a Casanova he is not.
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What do you think of these relationships? Can you think of any other 90 Day Fiancé couples that are either real or completely fake? Sound off in the comments!