The '80s brought viewers a different breed of movie, especially when it came to comedies. Whether they were family-friendly or really raunchy, there were many that continuously pushed the envelope in terms of jokes, one-liners, and insults. Simply put, the '80s got away with a lot more than some modern viewers are probably used to.
It was this brand of fearlessness that gave birth to some of the slickest and sickest burns the decade knew, and they're still being quoted even after all this time. From screwball antics to coming-of-age sagas, these '80s classic comedies are loaded with a bevy of brutal barbs.
“He Makes You Look Like An Ass Is What He Does.” (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)
While it's not technically a direct insult at Principal Rooney, this little quip from his secretary lives by the rule of "it's funny because it's true." A popular trope in many '80s high school movies was disrupting and humiliating figures in authority, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off is one of the best at the game.
Not only does Ferris escape Rooney's clutches in the unforgettable climax of the film, but he's also able to outwit and deceive him multiple times with the help of his friends, fulfilling the statement more than once before the credits roll.
“Swallow This.” Evil Dead 2
After the shock and scares of the first Evil Dead, to say that Sam Rami's choice to merge into the horror-comedy genre wasn't bizarre would be untrue. That being said, the film did help establish Ash Williams as the die-hard demon slayer fans know and love.
Ash is an ice-cold monster killer when it comes to horror movie heroes, and his gift for the premortem one-liners got its start in his second appearance. Deadites aren't exactly known for being the kindest of creatures, so it helps to dish out a little sass when sending them back to Hell.
“Does Barry Manilow Know You Raid His Wardrobe?” (The Breakfast Club)
Easily one of the most quotable lines from one of the most iconic movies of the era, this barb from Bender might be a touch dated but it still strikes a blow against Principal Vernon. Bender is the unabashed rebel of The Breakfast Club's group of students, and that factor is only more solidified with this smart-alec quip.
It's not so much the wordage itself as it is the formula that makes the line stick. Barry Manilow might not be as popular as he was in the '70s and '80s, but comparing someone's style to a certain celebrity (liked or disliked) can be great insult fodder.
“Excuse Me, Is That A Nose Or Did A Bus Park On Your Face?” (Roxanne)
This is only one of the many self-inflicted insults Steve Martin cooks up in Roxanne, but to say it's not one of the most memorable would be untrue. In this reimagining of Cyrano de Bergerac, Martin stars as the large-nosed C.D. who is forced to come up with a series of 20 creative quotes regarding his Pinocchio-style nose.
It's not often someone can use self-deprecating humor to humiliate their aggressor, but C.D. makes it work like a charm when some flat-nosed flat-head gives him trouble at the local watering hole. Wit is the name of the game, and Steve Martin is definitely an experienced hand.
“If I Wanted A Joke I’d Follow You Into The Bathroom And Watch You Take A Leak.” (Planes, Trains, And Automobiles)
Once more, Steve Martin comes out swinging with the witty retorts in this John Hughes classic. Traveling during the Thanksgiving rush will put the mental squeeze on anyone, and when that trip stretches from New York to Chicago, anyone can get more than a little testy.
While certainly not the only helping of verbal destruction delivered in this movie, it's probably the one viewers have used more on the fly. Hopefully, no one's been involved in a fistfight with a disgruntled cab dispatcher.
“Fat, Drunk, And Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life, Son.” (Animal House)
Animal House is another iconic '80s comedy, and it's loaded to the brim with great lines and insults, but if there's one that anyone can quote, it's this one from Dean Wormer. The drunken dude-bro fratboy stereotype can trace its origins to this film, along with several others of the decade. It wouldn't be untrue to say that Wormer's dig at Dorfman isn't an apt description of the trope.
It's not vulgar, it's not obscene, but it's a sharp stab for the throat in every sense of the phrase. That and the dry and witty delivery of John Vernon's performance makes it more than worthy of a mention.
“Isn’t It Rather Dangerous To Use One’s Entire Vocabulary In A Single Sentence?” (Oliver And Company)
As magical and magnificent as they are, Disney is by no means immune to casting some serious shade. As demonstrated by this wicked yet classy quip from Francis the bulldog, even the studio's beloved animated animal characters can come up with some decadent deliveries of insult humor.
A posh and pompous bulldog might seem a bit too high-brow to stoop to such a level, but Francis does it with a rapier sense of humor and droll delivery. Even so, it's still a blatant verbal attack that Disney villains like Scar or Dr. Facilier might whip out on occasion.
“Hey, Laser Lips! Your Mama Was A Snowblower!” (Short Circuit)
Johnny 5 is perhaps one of the funniest robot characters to come out of the era, and this is just one of his many cheesy but cherished quotes. While trying to evade capture from his NOVA-controlled counterparts, he irks them on in a comedic chase sequence with some quick-thinking and some laughable one-liners.
While it's unclear as to how a robot could blow a raspberry without the use of lips or tongue, one thing that is certain is that Johnny 5 can dish out some cybernetic zingers at his own kind without a second thought.
“You Warthog-Faced Buffoon.” (The Princess Bride)
This is only a fraction of the length of verbal one-upmanship delivered by Westley when cornered by Humperdink in The Princess Bride, and anyone who has seen the film knows just how much the recovering hero tears into him before laying on with more extravagant swordplay.
This is one of the more scorching one-liners he delivers about the evil prince's looks and is easily one of the movie's more memorable quotes. It's certainly a relief Westley's sword is as piercing as his wit.
Clark Griswold’s Christmas Rant (National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation)
Clark Griswold's tapestry of profanity woven upon receiving his Jelly Of The Month Club membership is, by no exaggeration, a legendary outburst of sound and fury. There are countless individuals who would love the opportunity to tear into their cheap and lousy employers, but Clark is definitely going for some sort of record.
It's long, it's fuming, it's an absolute blowout of pent-up rage and aggression directed at Frank Shirley that's one of the most memorable moments in any Christmas comedy film. It's truly one of the most unforgettable quotes out of the entire holiday experience.