7 Ridiculous Toy-Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Published 4 years ago by , Updated August 6th, 2012 at 5:28 pm,

toy chest operation 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

 

Last summer I beat my body up mentally, physically and emotionally to look into the future and make some predictions of what would be Hollywood’s next latest and greatest movie idea fads. I touched on Clothing, Appliances, School Supplies and even Mundane Everyday Activities to compile a list.  I guess I was painting with too broad a brush though, because I failed to see the onslaught of toys and board games that Hollywood was interested in making into a movie (read: messing up).

We’re entering a strange new world folks, one where a new set of Hollywood executives are in control, and much like me riding a mechanical bull with my shirt off, it ain’t pretty. Someone’s grandmother, mother or aunt was going through little Bobby Studio Exec’s old stuff up in the attic and found some old toys he used to play with. Of course Bobby Studio Exec can’t resist thinking to himself, “Oh man, this would make a great film franchise! I can’t wait to share this with my other Studio Execs on the playground!”

I know what you’re thinking, “Whew, Paul, at least Bobby didn’t mention anything about 3D.” WRONG! From this point onward, all films are assumed to be in 3D unless otherwise stated. Saying a film is going to be in 3D now is like saying it’s going to have sound and will be in color. So would you like to know what is in Bobby Studio Exec’s toy chest? Sure you do – so let’s take a stroll down memory lane before Hollywood ruins it forever.

We’ve already heard there are going to be films based on View Master, Hot Wheels, Monopoly, Battleship, Magic 8-ball, Candyland, and most recently, Erector Set building toys, but what else is in Hollywood’s toy chest? [Just in case you can’t tell, this article is completely fictional and just for fun.]

#7: Pogo Stick – Action/Comedy

pogo stick header 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Synopsis: John Pogo, a middle class vending machine repairman, is a good guy that never gets into trouble and manages to avoid confrontation by ignoring it. One day, he steps out of his boundaries  to save a woman and her son from would-be robbers. She calls him a hero and it sticks. He uses his talent for jumping on a Pogo Stick to fight crime and uncovers a plot to destroy the world.

Director: Matt Vaughn Writer: Mark Millar Starring: Taylor Lautner, Bill Murray and Gina Davis

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#6: Rubik’s Cube – Thriller

rubiks cube header 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Synopsis: A crazed killer called Rubik is on the loose in the city of Los Angeles and he’s targeting reporters. Nine strangers wake up in different colored rooms, knowing nothing about how they got there or why they have been forced to play Rubik’s deadly game. Can they solve the insane puzzle before the 10th victim falls prey to Rubik’s Cube?

Director: Christopher Nolan Writer: Eli Roth Starring: Bruce Boxleitner, Ally Sheedy, James Roday (And yes, I’ve heard of Vincenzo Natali’s Cube – these are the jokes, people.) icon smile 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

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#5: Operation – Horror/Psychological Thriller

operation board game 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Synopsis: Sam Cavity is a man living in a horrible nightmare. Every time he goes to sleep, he wakes up with a new scar in a different location. What is going on? He’s terrified and no one believes him – not the cops, not the doctors and not his friends. First his Spare Ribs were removed and then his Wish Bone; now it’s his Bread Basket and if he doesn’t figure out who is doing this to him, he could soon lose his Adam’s Apple and Broken Heart. The one person that does believe him is a familiar stranger from the hospital, who seems to know more than he is letting on. Can he help Sam from becoming a patient on the run?

Director: John Carpenter Writer: Stephen King Starring: James Van Der Beek, Mos Def

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#4: Marbles – Action/Drama/Thriller

marbles header 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Synopsis: When the mysterious crime boss “Shooter” declares war on the cops of Marble City, his deadly gang “The Ringers” turns the city into a crime ridden nightmare. With no one willing to help them, one guy, Tom Bowler, forms a group of neighborhood vigilantes to start taking his city back.  The group consists of Popper, Shooter, Taw, Bumboozer, Tonk, Masher and Peewee. Together they call themselves “The Marbles” but they must defeat Shooter’s right hand man Cats Eye if they want to bring order back to Marble City.

Director: Sam Raimi Writer: David Hayter Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Jeffery Dean Morgan, Billy Zane, Verne Troyer, and Mimi Rogers

Continue to see the Top 3 Toys and Games probably heading to the Big Screen

–~~~~~~~~~~~~–

#3: Marbles Reboot – Action/Drama/Thriller

marbles reboot header 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Synopsis: The story is basically the same as the first film except now it is set in high school and will be a more darker, grittier version of the film and will include, teen vampires, werewolves and wizards. Nicholas Cage has a cameo as the guy who loses his… wait for it… Marbles! (Come on, you knew it was coming). It will now also feature mo-cap technology and will be distributed by Disney. They also have a theme park attraction planned for it.

Director: J.J Abrams Writer: Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman Starring: Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Cruise, Vince Vaughn, Sandra Bullock, and Meryl Streep

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#2: Cracker Jack’s Toys – Kids/Animated Adventure

cracker jack rubber face header 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Synopsis: Two young brothers discover a large box full of Cracker Jack toys while playing in their grandfather’s attic. What starts out as a harmless afternoon of fun and imagination soon turns into a wild adventure as they are transported by a Magical Decoder Ring to the mystical land of Cracker. There they meet up with Sailor Jack and must help him retrieve his sacred Temporary Tattoo before Rubber Face uses it take control of Cracker.

Director: Shawn Levy Writer: Peter Berg Starring: Mel Brooks, Dylan Sprouse, Cole Sprouse, Ben Kingsley

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#1: Uno – Romance/Comedy

uno header 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Synopsis: Young Jillian Graver is a card playing savant and has mastered every card game she has ever played – but has done so at the expense of her love life. When the chance to enter a Uno tournament comes her way, she jumps at the chance to show her prowess for the game. She was expecting to win but what she didn’t plan on was falling in love – with her fiercest competitor, Ulysses N. Ottoman . Will she find love at the cost of losing the game?

Director: Drew Barrymore Writer: Nicholas Sparks Starring: Jessica Alba, Luke Wilson, Betty White

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That’s all I can share for now but I get chills just thinking about the endless possibilities that can be made from all of the toys and games throughout history. Jump Ropes, Pick-Up Sticks, Ants in the Pants, Connect Four, Chinese Checkers, and let’s not forget classic toys like Lawn Mower Bubble Machine, roller skates, Slinkies and Silly Putty.

You might be letting out a mildly humorous ZOMG! right now and be thinking, “Come on Paul, you’re being silly. There’s no way Hollywood would ever make a movie about marbles and pogo sticks, much less reboot that idea.”

If I told you 4 months ago that we would be covering a film about pieces of steel that kids use to build miniature bridges, you would have laughed it off. “No way will they make a movie about an Erector Set.” Who’s doing the face palm of shame now?

facepalm ironhide 7 Ridiculous Toy Based Movies (That Will Probably Be Made)

Some honorable mentions by our Twitter followers include:

Grand Theft Auto – @CraigKessler

Jacks/ Hungry, Hungry Hippos/ Mousetrap – @Cinetuyoymio

Creepy Crawlers – @tunnytunney

Spaceknight – @kenoboss

What other toys and games didn’t I include that you think Hollywood shouldn’t, but probably will, make into a big screen adaptation?

Follow me on Twitter @Walwus

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TAGS: battleship, candyland, erector set, hot wheels, monopoly, view-master

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  1. More than welcome bud :) Thanks for the suggestions.

  2. Yeah, I have seen and own the film. I must admit I took from the idea of the film slightly which is sort of a play on how Hollywood comes up with ideas.

  3. There is already a Lego movie in the works from Warner Bros, but your plot sounds quite a bit better than anything that is likely to come out of it.

  4. 300 was a comic to move adaptation and it was pretty commercial. Profits indicate it was reasonably successful. Whether you, I or someone reading this liked it or not is irrelevant. The masses make up the numbers and they dictate the market.

  5. LOL, I was thinking the same thing…
    there IS material there for a very creepy sci-fi/horror thriller.
    the thought of waking up every morning with some non-essential part of your body removed, wondering what could be next, and what could be considered “non-essential”!

  6. A Lego themed or based movie could actually work if done in the style of Toy Story using CGI all the way. This would be a great competitor for Pixar’s Toy Story franchise.

    There is a huge amount of potential with Lego’s, far more than the other toys but it will only be worth watching if done properly.

    A possible synopsis for a Lego film done in all CGI like Toy Story:

    An alien race of very tiny humanoids crash lands on Earth in the backyard of the Smith family. The aliens realize they were spotted by this planets military and government and so they decided to take cover and siguise themselves until they can fix their ship. To do this they hide in plain site by hiding as Lego Minis among the toys of teh Smith's youngest child, 8 year old Brian.

    The aliens disguised as Lego Minis take refuge in a Lego home Brian has made. No one is home and so the aliens assume this is a good place to hide till they can fix their ship and leave the planet. The problem is that the aliens are young kids themselves and the ship they were in they took without their parents’ permission and so while they are an advanced life form they still are kids and so fixing the ship they took for a joy ride isn't exactly something they can easily fix.

    While asleep in the Lego house the Smiths come home and Brian grabs his Lego’s and out the door the aliens go. They are asleep and do not realize they are being taken away. When they awake and realize what happens and that they got to find their way back to their ship they realize they will have to play out the role of Lego Minis if they want to get back to the Smiths’ house and get their ship and leave.

    Anyway this unfolds like the typical kid friendly Disney story where good intentions go bad, the aliens end up causing some problems unintentionally and so they work to help the child they cause problems for who discovers the aliens and then works to hlp the aliens get back.

    The way the Legos fit in aside from the Aliens hiding as minis is that the child is going to a Lego competition and the house he had built, which the aliens , thru various mishaps destroy, was to be entered in teh competition. The aliens thru advanced technology turn the lifeless blocks into smart blocks that can replicate and buidl anything. That then turns into more trouble because the alien kids aren't exactly masters of their own technology and so the smart block get out of control and replicate to the point that they become very large objects and start attacking (n a kid friendly manner) the army/government/FBI/<Pick your favorite anti-villain group> which has caught up with the aliens and is trying to apprehend.

    In the end the kid wins the competition and the aliens get back to tehir ship, fix it and then leave for home. What we see at the end is that some of the smart bricks are accidentally left behind allowing for a sequel.
    That

  7. The “masses” don't seem very bright, look at some of our elected officials……but that's another story…..That is why instead of sticking with the actual storyline, Hollywood deviates from it to “appeal” the public and often time end up screwing it up, which makes it neccesary for reboots and remakes. Personally, I liked 300. I liked the fact the men were men, not trying to get in touch with thier feminine sides.

  8. The “masses” don't seem very bright, look at some of our elected officials……but that's another story…..That is why instead of sticking with the actual storyline, Hollywood deviates from it to “appeal” the public and often time end up screwing it up, which makes it neccesary for reboots and remakes. Personally, I liked 300. I liked the fact the men were men, not trying to get in touch with thier feminine sides.

  9. Violence is not the answer, but it would have been a very funny annotation.

    Also a true story.

  10. Not only have I heard about Cube but I own it. :) part of the snarkiness was to copy the idea of a movie. Of course, Cube was a group of strangers trying to escape a constantly shifting cube. That whole thing was done in fun.

  11. Rockem Sockem Robots…Or just call it Rocky VII. Rocky Balboa returns to the ring in a futuristic battle of robotic competitors. 'nuff said.

  12. They already beat you to the “punch” *rimshot* haha…*crickets* What? Nothing? Sigh…

    It's called Real Steel and it's being directed by the guy that did the Night of the Museum movies and will star Hugh Jackman http://www.screenrant.com/tag/real-steel

  13. Rockem Sockem Robots…Or just call it Rocky VII. Rocky Balboa returns to the ring in a futuristic battle of robotic competitors. 'nuff said.

  14. They already beat you to the “punch” *rimshot* haha…*crickets* What? Nothing? Sigh…

    It's called Real Steel and it's being directed by the guy that did the Night of the Museum movies and will star Hugh Jackman http://www.screenrant.com/tag/real-steel

  15. LOL @ Operation. That would be one hell of a suspenseful film. I don’t think I could stand to watch it. My nerves would be shot by the end and I would be shaking from the anxiety.

  16. this all would be so much funnier (and really, it’s hard to get much LESS) is you used directors/writers who were complete hacks and actually WOULD make movies based on this stuff. j.j. abrams? chris nolan?? what about paul w.s. anderson, (you know who he is) adam shankman (cheaper by the dozen, the pacifier) or even uwe boll .. just my two cents.

    • @biji – You miss the point. This was written at a time when well known and successful directors were lining up to make movies based on games and toys – Peter Berg (Battleship), Ridely Scott (Monopoly), McG (Ouija)…this list goes on. And who is to say that if Nolan or Abrams got a hold of some of these materials the films wouldn’t turn out, you know…good?

      Paul Young

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