At long last, America did the humane thing and put John Stevens out of his misery. Tuesday night’s musical atrocities were committed against Gloria Estefan, who guest judged. All of the contestants were way off their game, painfully proving that Latin music is not as easy as it looks (or sounds).

I have never really been a big fan of Gloria Estefan. I thought most of her songs were overrated and overplayed. It’s partly that I’m not really into that kind of music, but also I didn’t perceive her as extremely talented. I have to say, though, she could run musical circles around any of those contestants when it comes to Latin music.

Remember how I was saying last week that Jennifer kept getting better and better with each passing week? Jasmine has done just the opposite. Every week she seems to get worse and worse. Her performance on Tuesday was downright painful to hear. She should be very thankful that she’s coming back next week. And what a difference a couple of months makes for Fantasia. In the “Final 32″ auditions, Simon couldn’t say enough good things about her. On Tuesday, he told her she sounds like Donald Duck on helium. D’oh! I’m guessing she has a week or two left before she gets voted off. One can only hope…

The dents in George’s armor are starting to show. For the first time in the finals, he was in the bottom three. Incredibly, Jasmine got more votes than he did. Could George be on the way out? Maybe, but this year the voting reminds me of most internet stocks in 1998-1999. Up 20% one day, down 10% the next. LaToya and Fantasia were in the bottom three last week; this week they were in the top three. There’s almost no consistency of any kind in the voting results. For that reason, it’s just downright silly to be predicting a winner, but do you think that’s going to stop me?

I’m still standing by my main man, George, to win this. I think the final showdown will be between him and LaToya. Jasmine and Diana are not talented enough, and Fantasia acts and sounds annoying beyond what mere words can express.

A quick side note about Elton John’s comments about racism in last week’s results: This wasn’t about race. There are two things that matter most to America: personality and singing talent, not always in that order. John Stevens is a cool guy, but he can’t sing, so he had to go. Jennifer is a great singer, but she has an abrasive personality, so she had to go. In a similar vein, I think Fantasia’s days are numbered. She’s a very good singer, but she is one of the most stuck up and obnoxious contestants ever to make it into the finals. Despite what Ryan Seacrest and the judges would have the public believe, it takes more than just singing talent to win.

Brian

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Those of you who missed Tuesday’s American Idol and Wednesday’s results show really missed out. Seriously. With only a couple of exceptions, all the contestants were in top form. I had guessed that the “Bottom Three” would be John Stevens, George Huff and Jasmine Trias. Generally, it’s not terribly hard to guess at least two of the bottom three, but this time, I was wrong on all three.

I had just spent the past day lamenting my early prediction that George would win the competition. He and John Stevens got their butts handed to them by the judges for lackluster performances, while the women got big points, even Diana. How could George compete against powerhouses like LaToya, Fantasia and Jennifer? (Simon told LaToya he thought she could win the competition.) Incredibly, those three just happened to be tonight’s bottom three, and Jennifer got her walking papers soon afterward. She’s been getting better every week, Elton John called her the best of the group, and she hit it out of the ballpark Tuesday, so of course it made sense that she should be voted off. Yeesh…

The American public is quite fickle, so I’m trying not to read too much into these results, but I remain convinced that America doesn’t want a “diva” to win this year. After that, who’s left? Diana? Please… Jasmine? Don’t make me laugh. John Stevens? America is playing some sort of practical joke on him. He needs to go home. He knows it, we know it, everybody knows it. The only logical choice remaining is George, but he’ll need to seriously polish his singing chops from here on out. Choking once is understandable, twice is perhaps forgivable, but three times could send him packing. He’s already screwed up twice; he’s run out of mulligans. For now, I stand by my prediction that George will win this year.

I had a side note about Tuesday’s theme. I have never been a big fan of Barry Manilow, but I have to say the guy is a musical genius. Not only is he a gifted singer and songwriter, but I was really impressed by how well he directed and coached the singers. He’s the only musical guest star I’ve seen on that show who took the time to work with the contestants and make sure they sang his music the right way. Did my ears deceive me, or did the usually-bland John Stevens actually sound good for about the first 30 seconds before he ran “Mandy” into the ground?

It’s still anybody’s game, but things aren’t looking good for LaToya and Fantasia. LaToya has been in the bottom three twice now, and Fantasia barely beat out Jennifer to survive on Wednesday. Not a good situation for the supposed “odds-on favorites.”

Brian

I don’t think there are too many people who disagree with the assertion that Tamyra Gray should have won the first season of American Idol, rather than Kelly Clarkson. After a few acting gigs, the public started to see less and less of her, and people started wondering if she would ever get the chance to record an album. Nearly two years after she was voted off American Idol, she is finally coming out with an album. In comparison, it took William Hung (who admits he can’t sing a note in tune) less than four months to release his album.

Why is that?

I have read several articles in various publications that dared to postulate that the decline in CD sales over the past few years owes itself less to piracy (which is certainly a factor) than to the outright absence of real, genuine stars. Is Britney a star? Sure… everybody’s watching her Toxic video to see her singing ability. What about Enrique Iglesias? The guy has Anna Kournikova in his videos for a reason… people aren’t watching to see him. (I heard Anna plays tennis on occasion; is that true?) What about Ricky Martin? Please… name a major hit he had in the U.S. other than the infernal Livin’ La Vida Loca. Oh, right… She Bangs, but that was mostly after William Hung sang it. I suppose Norah Jones might be considered a star, but even she is more about musical talent than personality.

It wasn’t very surprising to see Camile voted off American Idol on Wednesday. Ironically, her farewell performance was not too shabby. If she had done that well on Tuesday, she might still be in the running. Pop is obviously not her musical style, so she needed to go. What I found surprising was how poorly most of the contestants performed on Tuesday. Some of the performances were downright embarassing to watch.

Even the supposedly “untouchable” Fantasia gave a substandard performance. LaToya was in one of the top groups Wednesday, but wasn’t it just a week or two ago that she was in the bottom three? Those Americans can be a fickle bunch, can’t they? Diana was deservedly in the bottom three after her horrendous performance. Newsflash, sweetheart: Walking through the audience doesn’t make a bad performance sound any better. Oh, and Jasmine, how does it feel to finally be in the bottom three? Ha! Where was that arrogant, plastered-on smile this time?

If I were John Stevens, I would be really scared right now. He is the worst of the remaining male contestants, and after Simon compared his performance to Ed Wood’s movie Plan 9 from Outer Space, how long can he really expect to stay? Jon Peter Lewis is trying to hold on, but there’s no way he can stand up to George Huff’s talent and popularity. Speaking of which…

You read it here first: George Huff will win the competition this year. He is immensely popular, and he is the only contestant of either gender who has been consistently excellent week after week. Sure, his dance moves need work, but have you seen Ruben Studdard’s or Clay Aiken’s dance moves? Yikes… If I’m wrong, I’ll step up and admit it. I know it’s a little early to be calling this, but I honestly think Fantasia and LaToya (the current odds-on favorites) are headed down the same path as Howard Dean.

Brian

I thought it would be fun to start a thread on what American Idol judge Simon Cowell would most likely say to some of the musical stars we’ve come to know and love (or not) if they tried out for the show.

Here goes… feel free to add your own.

Whitney Houston: “You have a good singing voice, but you can’t dance. Plus, if I’m being honest, you look a bit frumpy, and the kind of star we’re looking for will have the right combination of talent and image. You have talent, but the image isn’t quite there.”

Bono (lead singer of U2): “Terrible. Abysmal. You sound like a goose getting strangled. If I were to put you through to the next round, the music industry would implode.”

Mick Jagger: “You shout all your songs, and you don’t have much in the looks department. There is nothing about you that says ‘Idol’ to me.”

Prince: “Your singing skills are good when you’re not screaming your lungs out. If I’m being honest, you look a little weird; your image needs work.”

Michael Jackson: “You sing everything too high, and don’t even get me started on your image. You look like Joan Crawford two years after the funeral. If I put you through to the next round, Fox will go out of business in a week.”

Sean “Puffy” Combs: “That was one of the worst auditions I have ever had to sit through. You can’t sing, you can’t dance. We’re looking for the best, and if you think you’re even close to that league, you’re delusional.”

Aretha Franklin: “You have a great singing voice, but if you really want to make it in this business, you need to lose a few pounds.”

Britney Spears: “Fantastic. Superb. You are the American Idol. You are a star.”