Review: Street Kings

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: This movie starts out with some potential, but by the end, it's over-the-top yet mediocre at the same time. It has its good spots, but overall its flaws are too distracting and frustrating for it to be truly enjoyable.

Didn't I already see this movie a few years ago, and wasn't it called Training Day? That might be because this movie was directed by the guy who wrote Training Day, David Ayer. However, I feel quite confident in saying that, unlike Training Day, this movie isn't in danger of winning any Oscars, at least for acting or directing. It's not terrible, but it's far from great.

As usual, Keanu Reeves substitutes with likability what he lacks in acting ability. Throughout the entire movie, the believability factor of Reeves playing a cop is about the same as when Kevin Costner played Robin Hood. Somehow, it doesn't matter, though. Far more detrimental to the movie are plot holes and logic gaps in the story that could accommodate a big rig. With the exception of Hugh Laurie, who plays Dr. House Captain Biggs, nearly every actor in this movie hams it up, even the Oscar-winning Forest Whitaker. With a better script and better direction, this movie had the potential to be something more and have something poignant to say. As it exists now, if I were a cop, I would probably feel insulted by this movie.

Review: 10,000 BC

By Vic Holtreman
Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: While there's an attempt to make this a personal story, it's really about what we thought it would be: Incredible vistas populated with a combination of ancient temples, pyramids, woolly mammoths and a cast of (CGI) thousands.

Two weeks ago I posted my thoughts about 10,000 B.C. based on what I'd seen so far and at the panel for the film at WonderCon, and one of the words that came to mind regarding what director Roland Emmerich had in mind for this film was "spectacle."

Oh, and it tries oh so very hard to live up to that word.

The best I can say about 10,000 BC is that it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be.

Review: Jumper

By Vic Holtreman
Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: How can such an interesting concept end up as such a boring movie? One reason: Hayden Christensen.

I must be feeling generous with this Jumper review - despite the fact I'm giving it only 2.5 stars, that's a rave compared to other movie reviews of this film.

I had really hoped this would be one of those little movies that turned out to be great, especially since I knew it was from Doug Limon, the director of The Bourne Identity and Mr & Mrs Smith. Those two films would look great on any director's resume.

And then we had the screenplay, written by Jim Uhls, who wrote the script for the amazing film Fight Club and David S. Goyer whose written great stuff like Batman Begins and Dark City.

You'd think that this movie couldn't miss with all that talent behind the camera... but unfortunately you'd be wrong.

Review: Me & Michael

By Vic Holtreman
Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: A self-promoting, off-beat quasi-documentary that people in the lower ranks of the Hollywood movie machine will appreciate more than most of us.

I thought that with all the press surrounding Michael Moore and his latest film Sicko, it might be fun to review a (semi-)documentary about Michael Moore. Well, at least partially about him.

First off, you need to know that despite the promotional material and the title, Michael & Me is not really about Michael Moore, bashing or otherwise - so for both Moore haters and defenders there's not really much to get bent out of shape over with this flick.

Review: Transformers

By Vic Holtreman
Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: A schizophrenic and mind numbing movie. Who knew that so much action could be so boring?

I'm not going to spend too much time writing this review because I'm quite sure that it's irrelevant. Based on the reaction of the audience at the screening I attended, most folks will not agree with this review, will go watch Transformers and leave the theater in a state of bliss.

Me? I just don't get it.

Over the weekend I actually started to get excited about this movie based on the early reviews that had been coming out. I just checked Rottentomatoes.com and although in the overall category it's just barely slipped into "Rotten" territory, the "Cream of the Crop" reviewer consensus is still well into "Ripe" (meaning good). Over at IMDB.com the user rating stands at 8.3 out of 10 at the time of this writing.

I can only conclude that all these people are on crack.

Review: Nancy Drew

By M Holtreman
Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: Not completely awful, unless you're a big fan of Nancy Drew from the books and video games.

For this film, I present the inaugural review of my daughter. She saw the film and she is the target audience for Nancy Drew, so I thought it would be appropriate to have her write the review. :-)

At the start of the film we find Nancy Drew (played by Emma Roberts) solving a burglary in her hometown of River Heights. She solves the case and the police catch the burglars.

Review: Ghost Rider

By Vic Holtreman
Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: Unfortunately Ghost Rider lives up to its pre-release buzz: Boring and bordering on cheesy.

As I had written earlier here at Screen Rant, I went in to Ghost Rider without any preconceived notions about the character since I had never read the comic book. I was also mildly optimistic (based on one of the trailers) that it might turn out to be at least good, if not great.

Oh well...

For those of you unfamiliar with the character, Ghost Rider is actually Johnny Blaze (seriously) who here is played by Nicolas Cage. I like watching Cage onscreen, although there's a "sameness" to his performances from film to film that's starting to wear a little thin on me. Nothing personal against the guy, but he has such a distinctively quirky delivery that it's starting to overshadow the characters he plays.

Review: Hannibal Rising

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: This is another superfluous, mediocre addition to the Hannibal Lecter franchise. Has this dead horse been beaten enough?

I think the Boy Scouts should add another merit badge to the list: Mediocre Movie Franchise Survival. I would certainly qualify for it; after all, this is the fifth movie I've seen that features Hannibal Lecter. One was excellent (The Silence of the Lambs), one was very good (Manhunter), one was terrible (Hannibal) and two were mediocre (Red Dragon and Hannibal Rising). This latest installment in the franchise left me with a feeling of ambivalence. I suspect most of the critics will end up complaining about how the teenage Hannibal is, in many aspects, blatantly different from the adult Hannibal. That is indeed a valid complaint, and I'll touch on that a little during this review, but the questions going through my mind were quite different. Why do we need to know more about Hannibal's younger years? Why do we need to understand his motivations and tribulations? The short answer is, we don't. It is better for some things to remain enigmatic, and the character of Hannibal Lecter falls squarely into that category.

There are quite a few things in life that are more exciting because there's an element of mystery to them. Hannibal Lecter didn't have the lion's share of screen time in Manhunter or The Silence of the Lambs, but that didn't stop him from having a major impact on the storyline. Indeed, much of the allure of his character stemmed from the fact that we didn't really know all that much about him. Whether it intends to or not, Hannibal Rising tries to throw most of that mystery out the window. It deigns to offer us an explanation for Hannibal's eventual metamorphosis into a psychopathic serial killer, as if such a thing could ever be explained from a logical and rational standpoint. It even expects us to empathize with him, but it never comes close to giving us a good reason to do that.

Review: Hounddog

By Vic Holtreman
Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: Were it not for the Dakota Fanning rape scene controversy, no one would be talking about this boring film.

So you've heard all the talk, accusations and screaming about the film Hounddog (or as many spelling-impaired people are writing it: Houndog) screening at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival starring Dakota Fanning but haven't seen the film. The big question on people's mind is "Just how outrageous or explicit was that rape scene?"

So you can gauge my answer, keep in mind that although this is a movie & TV website, for the most part I've come at stories from the point of view of a parent when it's appropriate. I do not want every movie release to be Rated G, but on the other hand it drives me insane when bloodless yet intense violence or overt sexuality is aimed at kids.

Review: A.P.U. (Art, Pot and Underwear)

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: This short film deserves some credit for being original and mildly entertaining, but it's pretty lame overall.

For those of you who think the Jewish community is underrepresented in Hollyweird, Landau Motion Pictures has the answer for you. They made a short film (about nine minutes long) back in 2003 called A.P.U.: Art, Pot and Underwear that has quite an eclectic group of characters, including a Jewish action star. Long story short, the film is about as weird as the title implies.

Kiko Rosenberg (played by Seth Landau) is an action star whose marriage to his co-star, Adrienne Lennon (played by Jen Richey), is on the rocks. Adrienne hires two movers — Scooter (played by Scott Schwoch) and K.W. (played by Kenneth Bristow). However, Scooter thinks Adrienne is totally hot, and he wants to steal a pair of her underwear. During this epic quest, we meet an accountant who appears to be a cocaine addict, as well as a guy who looks like a girl from the back.

Review: The Island

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: Overall, this movie was silly and formulaic. The threadbare plot and insipid dialogue made it almost unwatchable at times, but the movie partially redeemed itself by including a few action sequences that pandered to me.

Given the fact that this movie was directed by Michael Bay, I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane when I sat down to watch it, but I have to admit that despite a few interesting action sequences, I was really surprised by how bad it was. After the movie was over, I watched a "Making Of" documentary about the movie, which I thought was far more interesting than the movie itself. The first shot in that documentary is Michael Bay being interviewed on camera. He's talking about how he told the writers not to go into details about the action sequences. He only wanted them to put the word "action" in the script where they wanted an action sequence, and he would come up with the specific details himself at a later time. At first glance, such an approach doesn't seem unreasonable, but trust me, that's his way of saying that he puts far more value on action scenes than storyline or character development.

The Island is a very unique film for Michael Bay in a couple of different ways. It's the first feature film Bay has directed that wasn't produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, and it was a box office failure, earning only about $36 million in the U.S. According to IMDB, Bay's next project is the Transformers movie. That doesn't sound like every director's dream to me, but Steven Spielberg is listed as an executive producer, so what do I know?

Review: Lady In The Water

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: Shyamalan seems to be off his meds with this very odd and sometime extremely technically botched cross-themed film.

If I were to come up with a single word to describe what I felt while watching Lady In The Water it would be: confusion.

Review: Saved!

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: This movie is funny and daring at times, but it mostly falls flat. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what point it's trying to make. If you want to see a funny and effective religious satire, rent Dogma instead.

Saved! is one of those movies that seems difficult to review. After all, how are you supposed to effectively review a religious satire without a common frame of reference? Or, as others might argue, isn't it better to have no common frame of reference at all so you can see how effectively the movie engrosses the viewer in its subject matter? Ultimately, though, I don't think it matters. I think it boils down to how entertaining the movie is, and how effectively it makes its point. Saved! is funny and daring in spots, but for the most part, it's not all that entertaining. Even worse, the movie doesn't really seem to know what it wants to say. I watched Dogma right before I watched Saved!, and I found Dogma to be a much better movie in every aspect.

Co-produced by Michael Stipe (otherwise known as the lead singer of REM), Saved! first gained attention when it won the Audience Choice award at the Nashville Film Festival. Ebert and Roeper gave it two thumbs up, so what's not to like? The problem is that everyone who liked the movie appeared to single out the religious satire aspect, while overlooking the fact that most of the movie is not truly satirical. The movie alternates between messages that are misleading, confusing and (ironically enough) preachy.

Review: Poseidon

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: Do yourself a favor and rent the orginal version.

Based on how Poseidon, the remake of the 1972 disaster-film classic The Poseidon Adventure is doing at the box office, I'd say that most people are going to agree with my review. I'll only touch briefly on the nausea that the creation of yet another movie remake brings to me, and here, once again with good reason.

For those of you young 'uns, The Poseidon Adventure was released way back in 1972, and it was one in a string of very successful disaster-themed movies produced by Irwin Allen. It starred Gene Hackman in his prime and a handful of other actors who were popular at the time, including Ernest Borgnine, Stella Stevens and Shelley Winters. The plot was simple: Rogue wave flips ocean liner and a small group of folks try to survive by making their way to the bottom (now top) of the ship, hoping to be rescued.

Review: Greg Behrendt Is Uncool

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: Although you might expect that people in their forties would find this funny, it will probably be funnier to folks in their twenties to whom forty seems infinitely far away.

Now I'm sure I haven't lost my sense of humor because I just watched a comedian parody President Bush and although I voted for him I found it laugh-out-loud funny.

This DVD, not so much.

"But why are you rating it 2.5 stars?" you may ask... Basically because upon a second viewing it did elicit a few chuckles and when I step back and look at it, I imagine that if I was in my early to mid 20's I might actually find his routine a lot funnier.

Review: Underworld: Evolution

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: Convoluted and confusing, but with the coolest looking vampire I've ever seen on screen.

Although the first Underworld was not a cinematic opus, it was actually kind of a fun popcorn movie. Kate Beckinsale was fairly impressive in the first film as a female action hero, and she had her moments in Underworld: Evolution as well, although here I thought she got lost in the muddle that was the script and served more as eye candy (yeah, yeah I know, that's why she was hired) than an effective heroine.

Review: Fantastic Four

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: You'll forget about this terribly miscast movie (that is *almost* made bearable by Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans) as soon as you leave the theater.

In this post about the Fantastic Four movie, I said:

"It's the first one [trailer] that actually shows the tiniest bit of depth as opposed to a low cleavage, snappy dialogue, special effects bonanza of a movie."

I'm here to tell you that the "tiniest bit" is all you're going to get in Fantastic Four as far as depth of character. On the bright side, Michael Chiklis (as "The Thing"/Ben Grimm) and Chris Evans (as Johnny Storm) both do a great job individually and as an ever-arguing pair. On the other hand, when the best performance in a movie comes from the off-screen puppeteers manipulating a latex mask, you know you're in trouble.

I suppose I should get to a few details about the movie...

The film opens with Reed Richards (played by Ioan Gruffudd) and Ben Grimm arriving at Victor von Doom's corporate building. The fact that von Doom (played by Julian McMahon) has a huge ego and that Richards, although (supposedly) brilliant, has all the self-confidence of a scrawny, pimply-faced 14 year old is immediately established. How it is that Reed and Ben came to be friends isn't really established, and after Reed's presentation we learn that von Doom, Richards, Ben and Susan Storm (Jessica Alba) all know each other from way back when.

Review: The Ring Two

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: Sadly, this superfluous sequel follows the time-honored Hollywood tradition of being vastly inferior to its predecessor. It has a few genuine scares, but for the most part it's kind of boring.

I wanted to like this movie. I really did, but sadly, the mediocrity got in the way. And to be honest, it wasn't terrible; it was just okay. I wanted it to be great, like The Ring was great. I actually had my hopes up, mainly because Hideo Nakata, who directed the Ringu series on which this franchise was based, directed this one. I wanted to be scared, but The Ring and The Grudge were much scarier than this movie.

Before I go any farther, I want to clarify that to properly review this movie, I have to reveal some plot points from this movie's predecessor, The Ring. So if you haven't already seen The Ring, you should watch that first before you read this review. (It's a better movie anyway; trust me.) I won't reveal any crucial plot points from The Ring Two in this review, though. That policy hasn't changed.

Review: Blade Trinity

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: Another series that started out awesome but should have quit after the first movie.

Well, dammit, I was really hoping that despite all the bad buzz on this thing I might buck the trend and actually like it, but, as Alex Trebek might say: "Sorry..... no".

Blade: Trinity opens with a voiceover talking about how the movies have it wrong about vampires. Right off the bat we're treated to the joys of four-letter words in this little introduction. It is a sign of things to come. We open in Iraq, midday, with some special forces-looking types dropping from a helicopter close to some ancient monument. In another highbrow moment, one of the members of this party (covered head to toe in protective garb) flips the bird at the sun. This is the subtle hint that these guys are vampires. They make their way into the temple find some ancient writings (which one of the members of this "archaelogical team" refers to as "chicken scratch") along with signs of a body in the ground beneath them.

Beyond that, cut to some good old-fashioned Blade action in which our hero is taking out vampires left and right with explosions, swords and guns. This was a welcome relief from what came before. Unfortunately, Blade is caught on tape executing someone, it makes it into the news, and we learn that vampires are taking a cue from the recent election's dirty tricks playbook to use the media to help take Blade out of action.

Review: Saw

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2 out 5

The short version: A promising concept that has it's moments, but ultimately it's more about gore and sadism than about delivering scares.

Generally I like to include an image with my movie reviews, but I really couldn't find a photo from the movie that I'd care to include here due to the gruesomeness of what's available. If you're looking for a geniunely scary movie, keep looking because Saw isn't it. Sadistic, yes. Gory, yes. But not scary.

It's a shame, too, because I was really in the mood for something that would give me the heebee jeebees.

Within certain circles, there's been a fair amount of hype about Saw, and as the credits started to roll I had that uneasy "Do I really want to see this?" feeling. The opening credits had a ghostly look to them, the music was creepy, and the movie's first scene opened very dimly lit, in almost complete darkness, preparing me for who knows what. I thought I'd be in for something along the lines of Se7en, but much more intense. Sadly, it wasn't even close.

Review: Man on Fire

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

2 out of 5

Short version: A dark, morbid and depressing movie that will leave you feeling unsatisfied and, for lack of a better term, icky.

Man on Fire is actually the second film adaptation of the novel by A.J. Quinnell. (The first was an obscure 1987 film of the same name, starring Scott Glenn.) Although this adaptation of the movie doesn't make it crystal clear, the title stems from the concept of "a man on fire doesn't just burn; he explodes." Since it was directed by Tony Scott, you already know that the story will take a back seat to "high concept" stylized action and violence. Scott seems to suffer from the same addiction to hyper-editing and "Richter scale" camera work as his older brother and business partner, director Ridley Scott. (At several points in the movie, I was wondering if an earthquake was taking place during the scene.) The cast has several standouts, but even they can't save the movie from Scott's weak direction and a very heavy-handed script by Brian Helgeland that practically screams "the ends justify the means."

Review: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2.5 out of 5

The short version: Visually intriguing tribute to serial movies of the 40's and 50's, but in the end it's just a pretty good popcorn flick.

Once again it has been proven that trailers can be misleading. Back in July (in the prior link) I stated my thoughts that Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow looked like it might be really fantastic. I am ashamed to admit that I even mentioned Lord of the Rings within the same post...

Sky Captain isn't a bad movie, it's just not a great one.

The film opens aboard a zeppelin (the Hindenburg III), preparing to dock atop the Empire State Building, and is photographed in such an unusual way that it took some time for my brain to adjust to what my eyes were seeing. The colors were very muted, and there was a softer focus than I've ever seen onscreen (and that's including shots of Barbara Walters during her interviews). It was actually a bit distracting, and to compound the confusion the scene was spoken in German with subtitles translating.

Review: The Rundown

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: Skip through the supposedly funny walk through the jungle scenes and you'll be left with a suprising cool action flick.

Let me start by saying I had very low expectations for The Rundown, starring "The Rock" (real name: Dwayne Douglas Johnson). He plays Beck, a "retrieval expert" with no fear of anyone, but who has an aversion to guns, who happens to want to retire from the strongarm biz in order to open.... a restaurant.

One of the first things to catch my eye was the very brief cameo by Arnold Schwarzenneger, with a pithy comment wherein he passes the action hero torch to Johnson. The next thing to surprise me was how low key Johnson's performance was... it was certainly not nuanced, but I expected a boisterous, WWF-style presentation. Instead he was calm, quiet, and menacing in a "walk quietly and carry a big stick" kind of way. Of course within minutes there is a big fight scene, and let me tell you that this is where this movie excels. Some of the coolest, get-you-fired-up stuff I've seen lately.

I was beginning to worry that I was actually going to like this movie, but alas, eventually Seann William Scott (Stiffler from American Pie) in the role of n'er do well fortune hunter Travis appears on screen, and as things progress, his involvement in the movie is what weakens it.

Review: The Day After Tomorrow

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

2.5 out of 5

Short version: Mindless entertainment with cool effects worth renting once.

I went to see The Day After Tomorrow the day after I saw Van Helsing, so that may have slanted my review of this film towards the positive. Imagine eating a plain Mcdonalds hamburger soon after being given Castor Oil, and you'll have a sense of what I'm talking about.

I'd have to compare this film to eating a bit of cotton candy. It tastes ok, but five minutes later you forget about it.

Ok, enough with the food analogies.

If you click on the image above, you'll see a larger version of what was probably the best scene in the film. The flooding of NYC, and the giant wave rushing towards the library in particular, was done in such a manner that it did convey some tension and excitement to the film. That scene and the tornadoes wiping out LA were worth the price of (a matinee) admission.