Review: Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

0.5 out of 5

Short version: I didn't think it was possible, but AVP-R is worse than the previous Aliens vs Predator movie.

Abandon all hope ye who enter a movie theater that is showing Aliens vs Predator: Requiem.

It's that bad. I kid you not. As first time directors, "The Brothers Strauss" (as they are referred to in the credits) are great visual effects guys. Honestly, I'm having a hard time coming up with ways to tell you just how depressingly awful this movie is, but I'll do my best.

Review: The Rules of Attraction

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

0.5 out of 5

Short version: This movie was so bad that it was almost painful to watch.

I was more than a little stunned after seeing this movie. Not just because it was one of the worst movies I had ever seen, but also because of who was involved in it. Most of the cast ranged from competent to top-notch, and the writer/director was Roger Avary. For those of you who aren't familiar with that name, he was a co-writer for Beowulf, which received a positive review right here on Screen Rant. He also collaborated with Quentin Tarantino to come up with the stories for one of my all-time favorite movies, Pulp Fiction. Besides that, I had recently seen the movie adaptation of American Psycho (which, like this movie, is an adaptation of a novel by Bret Easton Ellis), and I found it reasonably enjoyable overall. With all these things in mind, I wanted to like The Rules of Attraction. However, I'm afraid my reaction was almost entirely at the opposite extreme. This movie did almost everything wrong. Where do I even start?

Review: Boat Trip

By Brian Rentschler

Rating:

0 out of 5

Short version: This movie was so unspeakably awful that I'm almost tempted to sue Artisan Entertainment for pain and suffering. Every scene is either incredibly offensive, awkwardly unfunny or both. Don't waste your time or money on this unwatchable crapfest.

As a general rule, I try to reserve ratings of 5/5 stars for movies that really hit it out of the park in all aspects. Likewise, I try to reserve ratings of 0/5 stars for movies that have no redeemable qualities to them whatsoever. Most movies are somewhere in between; there's usually something that you can glean from a movie, no matter how bad it was. However, Boat Trip has received the dubious honor of a zero-star rating from me. There is literally nothing worthwhile about this movie. There are no redeemable qualities whatsoever. This movie is a cinematic nature nugget. It's not even enjoyable as a "bad movie night" feature. It's unspeakably awful.

Review: Timeline

By Vic Holtreman

Rating:

(Yes, that's 0 out of 5)

Short version: Don't waste your time on this pitiful excuse for a time travel movie that is terrible in every way: acting, dialogue, music, and plot.

If at some point over the last few days you've done something that you might be feeling guilty about... something particularly mean and nasty.... bad enough that you feel you deserve to be punished in some way...

Then I highly recommend you rent Timeline and force yourself to sit through the entire thing.