Stewie Griffin (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) is just your average, everyday little baby enjoying the spoils of youth week to week on Seth MacFarlane’s immensely popular animated television show Family Guy. Stewie has a loving family, a loyal dog and even a teddy bear named Rupert.
But what belies Stewie’s seemingly innocent smile is the soul of a scoundrel. Unlike his father Peter (also voiced by Seth MacFarlane), who barely has the mental capacity to lug his 300-pound frame around, Stewie is an intellectual. And he is also quite mad and incredibly evil
Unfortunately for his loved ones (and their pet dog), Stewie is also extremely dangerous. His great passions in life revolve around world domination and murdering his own mother, Lois (Alex Borstein). And over the years, Stewie has indulged in all manners of mischief – some of which really take things beyond the line of appropriate behavior, not just for a baby, but for any person.
Buckle up, because here are The 15 Worst Things Stewie Griffin Has Done on Family Guy.
15. Kidnapped the Cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation
It’s all about Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) to Stewie Griffin given the choice between his favorite captains of the Star Trek franchise. And in the season seven episode “Not All Dogs Go to Heaven” (2009), Stewie abducts the cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation (1987-1994).
While at the local Quahog Star Trek Convention, Stewie buys himself authentic blueprints to build a transporter. And when he doesn’t have the chance to talk with the actors of TNG, Stewie uses his new creation to kidnap the whole cast. He immediately kills Denise Crosby with a Klingon phaser to show that he means business.
Stewie then asks them several questions, as he spends the whole day with the actors. After spending an exhausting time with the cast in a McDonald’s drive-thru, and then an afternoon of bowling, Stewie realizes how insufferable they all are: “You people have ruined Star Trek: The Next Generation for me… I hope you all (expletive) die.”
14. Shoved Mother Teresa Out of his Car When she Overdosed
In the season five episode “Peter’s Two Dads” (2007), Stewie discovers that he enjoys being hit. While making a mess of his mother’s jewelry box, Stewie intentionally breaks Lois’ pearl necklace. Fed up with Stewie’s attitude, Lois spanks him.
Stewie races to his bedroom in terror and locks the door behind him. Stewie converses with his teddy bear about how terrified he is, but that he also feels so alive courtesy of the ordeal – “I think perhaps I may be one of those people who gets a jolly out of being hit.”
Stewie also reveals to Rupert how he hasn’t been that scared since Mother Teresa overdosed in his car. In the cutaway, as Stewie frantically drives, two passengers in the backseat try to comfort Teresa.
13. Beat the Crap Out of Brian
In the season four episode “Patriot Games” (2006), Stewie gives his dog Brian (Seth MacFarlane) a lesson on the proper etiquette of returning money promptly to a loan shark. The trouble starts when Brain bets $50 that Mike Tyson will beat actress Carol Channing in a celebrity boxing match, and he loses!
Stewie soon comes calling to collect, but Brian puts him off. In all fairness to the dog, Stewie did give him 24 hours to come up with the money. And when Brian doesn’t come through, the whole idea of “Man’s Best Friend” is haphazardly thrown out the window.
Stewie smashes his glass of orange juice into Brian’s eyes, practically blinding him. Stewie then beats his pooch severely with the towel rack, before shoving Brian’s head in the toilet bowl.
Brian spends the rest of the episode trying to dodge Stewie, but to no avail. Brian finally gives in and takes Stewie to the bank to get his money but not before Stewie beats him with a golf club, shoots him in both knees, and torches him with a flamethrower.
12. Created Evil Stewie
Mimicking the events of the Star Trek episode “The Enemy Within” (1966), Stewie Griffin accidentally splits himself into good and evil versions. In the season nine episode of Family Guy titled “The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair” (2011), Stewie builds a device to enhance his sadistic nature.
The experiment goes awry and splits Stewie into two separate entities. Unfortunately for Brian, Evil Stewie doesn’t have an ounce of compassion. Evil Stewie attacks Brain by shoving batteries in his nostrils and tightening his collar to suffocate him. Stewie intervenes, but his evil clone cuts Brian’s tail off and feeds it to Stewie before fleeing. Evil Stewie even kills the Kool-Aid Man!
Stewie and Brian team up to thwart Evil Stewie. The two Stewies battle and Brain obliterates the evil version with a laser blast. And in a nod to Michael Jackson’s Thriller (1983), as the pair walks away, Stewie turns to the camera and reveals his yellow cat eyes.
11. Ate Horse Sperm
Stewie Griffin’s antics in the season seven episode “Family Gay” (2009) got the attention of the Parents Television Council (PTC). During the controversial show, Peter supplements his income through medical experiments after he unsuccessfully tries to become a horse breeder.
While the family enjoys breakfast, Peter warns everyone that some of the jars of milk in the refrigerator are in fact horse sperm. Lois has already poured Stewie a bowl of cereal, though. And rather than stopping, Stewie continues to eat his cereal. A child devouring horse sperm outraged PTC president Tim Winter, especially when Seth MacFarlane was selected to host the Academy Awards in 2013.
“MacFarlane’s programs have included scenes mocking people with Down syndrome, implying father-daughter incest, a man masturbating a horse, a baby eating horse sperm, and a character eating vomit and excrement out of a baby’s diaper,” Winter said. “This is the man that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has selected to host next year’s Oscars telecast, following in the footsteps of such Hollywood legends as Bob Hope and Johnny Carson?”
10. Visited the Multiverse
In the season eight premiere “Road to the Multiverse” (2009), Stewie and Brian Griffin take a hilarious romp to alternate universes and meet various versions of the Family Guy characters.
The first destination is Quahog in a universe where the Middle Ages never existed, and Meg (Mila Kunis) is actually hot even though she is still considered ugly by the inhabitants.
The pair then visit a universe where the Griffin family is reminiscent of The Flintstones (1960-1966), another world where everyone looks like Disney characters, and then finally a reality where dogs and humans have traded roles.
Brian loves the new existence and destroys the multiverse control pad. Furious, Stewie takes advantage of the role reversal and poops in public. “Pick up my poop,” Stewie screams. And thanks to the law that you have to pick up after your “human,” Brian is forced to clean up Stewie’s feces.
9. Looked at Chris’ Hustler Magazine
During the season seven episode “Baby Not on Board” (2008), Seth MacFarlane and the gang take a page out of the Home Alone (1990) playbook. As the Griffin family sets out on vacation to see the Grand Canyon, Stewie is accidentally left behind when he goes back to bed.
Stewie enjoys his newfound freedom by drinking his first soda, and getting a sugar rush, before he breaks into Brian’s computer. Stewie cruelly alters Brian’s novel by replacing every use of the word “and” with the word “fart.”
The most inappropriate moment comes when Stewie sneaks into Chris’ (Seth Green) bedroom and looks at a Hustler magazine hidden under the bed. Curious about the female body, Stewie flips through the periodical. He freaks out after seeing a woman’s private parts. Stewie races from the room and returns frantically firing a machine gun and obliterating the magazine before saying, “You can’t hurt anyone anymore.”
8. Got Hooked on Steroids
Joe Swanson’s toddler makes life unbearable for Stewie when she beats up young Mr. Griffin. After Susie wipes the floor with Stewie in a fight, Peter Griffin realizes he has to take his boy to the gym to get stronger in the season seven episode “Stew-Roids” (2009).
Stewie struggles lifting weights at first, but a mysterious person offers Peter the help of steroids. Peter actually allows Stewie to take the drug, and within no time Stewie looks like a miniature Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Lois is livid with Peter. Stewie, on the other hand, enjoys his newfound power by taunting Brian. But the effects soon wear off and Stewie returns to normal. Brian prepares to get even with Stewie, but all the flabbiness of his flesh acts as wings. Stewie is caught in gust of wind and flies out the house. Later he proudly announces, “I flew today.”
7. Finally Killed Lois
Stewie Griffin finally comes up with the courage to kill his mother in the season six episode aptly titled “Stewie Kills Lois” (2007). Enraged that Peter and Lois left him behind while they enjoy a romantic cruise, Stewie sneaks aboard the vessel. And in a blaze of machine gun fire, Stewie mows his mother down.
Back in Quahog, Peter is suspected of killing Lois and put on trial. Just before he is found guilty, Lois walks into the courtroom and implicates Stewie in her attempted murder. Stewie escapes, but ambushes the family back at the house. He then kills their neighbor Cleveland (Mike Henry), takes Brian hostage, and eventually becomes the New President of the World.
Lois basically goes all Jason Statham on her evil son, as she and her infant finally face off. Just as Stewie is about to deliver the fatal blow, Peter rushes in and shoots Stewie in the head.
6. Became the Most Popular Student At James Woods High
Glory days? In the season six episode “McStroke” (2008), Brian wagers whether or not Stewie can become the most popular student at James Woods High. Stewie dons the identity of Zack Sawyer and instantly wins over Connie D’Amico (Lisa Wilhoit) and the other popular kids.
Stewie takes things a bit too far though when he invites Connie to Anal Point. Brian realizes he has lost the bet, but Stewie has no intention of breaking his date with Connie. But once the pair arrive at the popular make-out venue, things go horribly wrong for Stewie.
Zack Sawyer confidently drops his pants, after Connie asks if they’re going to do it. Connie breaks out in laughter and tells Stewie to get out of her car. When he returns to school the next day, everyone is talking about his small package.
Connie has effectively ended Stewie’s popularity, so he does the only thing possible. He reveals his true identity, as he kisses Connie goodbye, “Look, this girl is making out with a baby… a nude baby!” Connie is cuffed and taken away by the police.
5. Cross-Dressing Obsession
Stewie might have the most fashion sense of anyone in the Griffin household, and he also has an affinity for women’s clothing. Yes, Stewie is a cross-dressing machine, and he enjoys every minute of it.
In the season six episode “Long John Peter” (2008), Peter fixes his son Chris up on a date through the classified ads. But it’s Stewie fully-clad in women’s attire who shows up! But he promptly exits without being seen.
One of the funniest moments comes in the season eight episode “Go, Stewie, Go!” (2010). Stewie takes the same route Dustin Hoffman’s character Michael Dorsey does in Tootsie (1982) to get an acting job – dressing in drag.
He even fools Brian, as the two almost make out in a restaurant. Stewie quickly reveals himself, and Brian is furious. As the dog starts to leave, Stewie blackmails Brian to be his on-set guardian. “Brian, we both know I touched it,” Stewie says. “Now, if you’d like to keep that just between us I suggest you sit back down and order me some chicken fingers.”
4. Flirted with Brian
Stewie and Brian Griffin have always shared a strong bond, but it seems that Stewie has creepy feelings for the family’s dog.
One of the funniest examples comes in the season seven episode “420” (2009). Brian is on probation after he is found with a small amount of pot in his possession. Joe requires Brian to take a drug test. Brian knows he can’t pass though, so he asks Stewie for some clean urine. Suddenly, Stewie strips down, and Brian tells him he doesn’t have to be naked for the test. “But I don’t have to not be naked for it either,” Stewie says.
As Brain holds Stewie over the cup to pee in it, Lois walks in and catches them in the act. “Brian, you know I can’t go unless you stare at it,” Stewie insists.
Finally, in the season eight episode “Quagmire’s Baby” (2009), Stewie has Brian stroke his own tail in return for making him a clone. “There’s nothing sexual about it, I’m just asking you to perform a simple task… and I’ll make you a clone.”
3. Became Brian’s Publicist
Stewie’s ambitions get the best of him when he becomes Brian’s publicist in the season nine episode “Brian Writes a Bestseller” (2010). After his novel Faster Than the Speed of Love utterly fails, Brian decides to give the public what they want – a self-help book – “If people want crap, I’ll give them crap.”
Since Stewie is the one who gave him the idea, and helped get his story (Wish It. Want It. Do It.) published, Brian anoints the baby his publicist. But things get out of hand as Brian’s ego swells out of control.
Prior to his appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher, Brian fires Stewie for not properly prepping him for the panel with Dana Gould and Arianna Huffington. And the interview ends in complete chaos, as Brian freaks out on television and nervously pees on the set. “Bill, he’s urinating,” Arianna screams.
Despite the mess that Stewie inadvertently put in motion, the boy and his dog sort of make up in the end. Brian’s quasi-apology: “I’m sorry about how badly I reacted to your many errors.”
2. Stewie’s Songs: The Greatest Hits
In his own mind, at least, Stewie Griffin considers himself quite the maestro. Over the years the delusion has actually grown, because of his semi-successes crooning with Brian and Frank Sinatra Jr. In the season fifteen episode “Bookie of the Year” (2016), the trio engage in one of their most ludicrous team-ups as they sing at Frank’s Italian restaurant.
The Griffin family finds themselves part of the witness protection program in the season three episode “To Love and Die in Dixie” (2001). Stewie discovers his love for the banjo and composes his own love song: “My Fat Baby Loves to Eat”. He also shows his love for Susie Swanson in the season seven episode “Ocean’s Three and a Half” (2009), as he makes a video of himself singing Bryan Adam’s “(Everything I Do) I Do it for You”.
But Stewie’s most controversial tune arguably came in the season eight episode “Extra Large Medium” (2010), in which Chris dates a girl from school. And the youngest Griffin sings “Down Syndrome Girl” as Chris prepares for his date with Ellen (Andrea F. Friedman).
1. Murdered New Brian
Stewie Griffin is no question a deeply disturbed child, with aspirations of killing his own mother Lois, but he’s actually committed murder many times already. His most heinous crime is arguably carried out in the season seven episode “The Man with Two Brians” (2008).
Peter decides to get a new dog to take the pressure off an aging Brian Griffin. New Brian (John Viener) is a loveable, kind, and compassionate pooch who drives Stewie to the edge of insanity. Stewie’s anger grows when Brian leaves, because of the new dog, and the youth is finally pushed over the edge when New Brian humps his teddy bear, Rupert. “Humped him for two hours yesterday,” New Brian taunts. “He just laid there and took it.”
The scene immediately following the revelation finds Stewie dragging a bloody trash bag to the garbage cans. A quote-un-quote suicide note is discovered, which reads: “And that is why I killed myself, chopped myself up and put myself in the garbage.”
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Which are your favorite inappropriate moments from Stewie Griffin in Family Guy? Can you think of any we missed? Sound off in the comments!
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