Short version: Bangkok Dangerous, isn’t.

Screen Rant reviews Bangkok Dangerous

If Nicolas Cage doesn’t get a hit movie soon, he’s going to be doomed to doing only National Treasure sequels for the rest of his life. I knew I was in trouble when the showing I attended (11AM on a Saturday) consisted of me, and two other guys who walked in right before the movie started.

That’s it - 3 people.

In Bangkok Dangerous, Nicolas Cage plays an assassin who is the poster boy for the word “loner.” He travels the world and does his job with painstaking precision, but he’s just about had enough and is ready to do one last job and quit.

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Short version: The Clone Wars is visually interesting, but in the end pointless - and worse: annoying.

Screen Rant reviews The Clone Wars

Holy cow there’s a lot of… angst? anger? annoyance? surrounding the latest addition to the Star Wars saga: The Clone Wars. Me, I’m indifferent. I’m not a huge Star Wars fan (although I was when the first three movies were released for the first time) and I think that George Lucas has run the franchise into the ground and it’s all about:

1. Visual Effects

2. Merchandising

3. Money (see #2)

Short version: Tropic Thunder is crass, gross and rude - but it’s also funny as hell.

Screen Rant reviews Tropic Thunder

Can i make this any more clear?

Leave. The kids. At Home.

Ok, got it? Let’s move on.

For adults, and for further clarification: Adults that don’t mind rude, crass humor - Tropic Thunder is a VERY funny movie.

Short version: The best that can be said about this X-Files film is that it’s good to see Mulder and Scully on screen once again.

 As Screen Rant’s resident X-Files fan It came down to me to deliver a review for The X-Files: I Want To Believe. As I’m UK-based it took me a week to catch up with the film as it’s only just opened here.

Firstly the film has got some pretty bad reviews, and the opening weekend’s box office was only $10 million - a third of what X-Files: Fight The Future took 10 years ago.

So is the film any good?

Yes and no.

Short version: The Dark Knight has raised the bar for the comic book superhero genre - it’s a Batman movie for grown-ups.

Screen Rant reviews The Dark Knight

It’s a funny thing about watching a movie you’ve been anticipating so much and for so long - you walk in with preconceived notions of what it should be like. This happened for me with Iron Man, and as it turned out that film nailed my expectations of what an Iron Man movie should be like.

However that very same sense of anticipation hurt my first viewing of The Dark Knight.

Short version: Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D is a great film to take the kids to, or if you’re a fan of 3D - otherwise don’t bother.

Screen Rant reviews Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D

I was trying to come up with a metaphor for Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D, and the perfect one came to mind:

Journey 3D is like vanilla pudding.

It was OK, not really awful or anything - but not something you would go out of your way to watch if there was something better available.

Short version: Hellboy II: The Golden Army stretches beyond the first film in both creepiness and humor, making for kind of an odd mix that manages to work in the end.

Screen Rant reviews Hellboy II

Hellboy II: The Golden Army is great, but like the first one, I don’t think it’s for everyone. The first Hellboy only earned $100MM worldwide, which does not exactly classify it as a (pardon the pun) monster hit. That’s not to say it wasn’t great (it was), it’s just that the world of Hellboy is an odd combination of demons, humor, action and creepiness. Oh, and the hero is a demon.

Short version: Hancock is not the light and fluffy comedy you may think it is - it’s dark and coarse, but well worth checking out.

Screen Rant’s Hancock review

Here’s what you need to know about Hancock:

1. Everything you’ve seen in trailers and TV commercials (well, up until this week) takes place in the first 10 minutes of the movie.

2. This is one coarse, crass movie - so much so that I don’t know how it garnered a PG-13 rating with all the foul language in it.

3. If you like Will Smith, and want to see an unconventional superhero movie - go see it. Just leave the kids at home.

Short version: Technically Wall-E is the best film Pixar has made - it’s funny and heartwarming, but it’s also the preachiest.

Screen Rant’s Wall-E review

We haven’t given Wall-E as much coverage as some other movie sites, but nonetheless I’d been looking forward to seeing it ever since I saw a panel for the film last summer at the San Diego Comic-Con. In my mind there was no doubt that Pixar would knock another one out of the park with their quality approach to both story and the animation itself.

Well, they certainly succeeded as far as the animation goes - the film surpasses everything Pixar has done to date. Overall I enjoyed the film, but a few things kept it from being Pixar’s best work.

Short version: Wanted tries oh so hard to be the next Matrix, but despite insane amounts of action, falls short.

Screen Rant’s Wanted review

No doubt I’ll be taking a lot of heat for this since it seems that across the board, Wanted reviews are glowing and effusive in praise. I’ve seen many comments to the effect of “it was trash, but I loved it anyway.” While I certainly wouldn’t call it trash, it also failed to win me over.

Now don’t get me wrong… Pardon the pun, but going in I really wanted to love this movie. I didn’t go in with any thoughts that it would be high art or deep drama - just a cool popcorn flick. But even in popcorn action movies I can only suspend my disbelief so much.

There are minor spoilers related to the very first scene in the film below.