Movies & TV Shows Geeks Pretend Don’t Exist

Published 4 years ago by , Updated March 3rd, 2014 at 6:28 am,

ewoks movie cartoon Movies & TV Shows Geeks Pretend Dont Exist

The Ewoks Spin-offs

George Lucas has found many shameful ways to exploit the Star Wars brand, but a definite low point was reached with the 1984 TV movie An Ewok Adventure, which is also known as Caravan of Courage. The Ewoks movie was an early indicator of everything fans would eventually come to hate about Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menance: The cutesy characters, questionable F/X, childlike tone and ridiculous story – Caravan of Courage has it all.

That first Ewoks TV movie gave rise to a second in 1985, entitled The Battle for Endor. It’s a little less painful, but still shameful enough to never mention in conjunction with the Star Wars Saga. One funny little production note: Battle for Endor‘s production designer was none other than Joe Johnston, director of the upcoming Captain America movie. Just try not to shudder about that.

The worst part about it: as bad as the Ewok movies were, they¬† still weren’t enough to prevent the coming of Ewoks, an animated show about the cute little fuzz balls from Endor, which ran for two seasons from 1985-1986.

If you young geeks only know of Clone Wars and think that animated spinoff is the greatest thing since Luke dueled Vader, then thank the eternal sunshine of your spotless mind you never had to suffer through the Ewoks experience.

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The Star Wars Prequels

star wars wallpaper 5 Movies & TV Shows Geeks Pretend Dont Exist

All this talk about Ewoks brings us to the ultimate closeted shame of the geek universe: The Star Wars prequels. Though the last prequel movie was only released five years ago, the denial about these films is only now starting to crack, thanks in part to internet sensations like Red Letter Media, who have made small documentaries out of analyzing everything that is wrong about the Star Wars prequels.

Fan excitement was through the roof back in 1999 when Episode I: The Phantom Menance was about to hit theaters. The only time I ever skipped school in my life was to purchase tickets for the film, and countless people have already heard me recount the night my friends and I risked our very lives driving like madmen to the theater for Episode I‘s premiere. Faced with that kind of anticipation, is it any wonder so many of us were in such deep denial by the time the end credits rolled?

I remember my remaining weeks of high school not because of proms, or tests, or college acceptance letters – what I remember most was skipping classes with dozens of other seniors, sitting outside on the central lawn where we argued Phantom Menance from as many “intellectual angles” as we could think of. We worked so hard to see deeper meaning in a clearly crappy film; we simply could not accept that the movie was an epic FAIL.

darth vader shadow jar jar Movies & TV Shows Geeks Pretend Dont Exist

Of course our devotion began to wane when Episode II: Attack of the Clones came out in 2002. By then I was well into college and the combination of girls, academics and constant intoxication had opened my perceptions.  Attack of the Clones sucked, and it was impossible to deny it. When Episode III: Revenge of the Sith finally came around in 2005, like a cult bent on mass suicide, a lot of us were just ready to end it all.

With the closure brought by Episode III, the long road toward healing began. Every parent from now until forever will have a new moral question to wrestle with: do I expose my child to the entire Star Wars Saga, or just the original trilogy? Parents, I do not envy your dilemma – sometimes it is truly hard to know what is best for a child.

Star Wars Prequels Darth Vader Shadow Movies & TV Shows Geeks Pretend Dont Exist

For the rest of us Star Wars fans, the last five years following Episode III‘s debut in theaters has been wholly dedicated to erasing the stain of the prequels from our brains. Thanks to mutual agreement by the worldwide masses, you hear the name “Jar Jar Binks” less and less these days; young children grow up never having the burden of knowing who Qui-Gon Jinn is; and the story of Darth Vader’s origin is kept alive in the fantastic imaginations of youngsters.

And, with continued discipline, Star Wars will forever be preserved the way it should be: in its purest form, with best foot forward, in celebration of its achievements, rather than lament over its failures.

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So that’s it, our Pandora’s Box of the movies and TV shows that geeks pretend don’t exist. How did you like our list? Is there anything on there that you proudly acknowledge? Anything that you think we missed?

Sources: IMBD and YouTube

Episode I Mashup Image: Nerdvana

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TAGS: batman, battlestar galactica, captain america, daredevil, fantastic four, gi joe, highlander, Indiana Jones, justice league, masters of the universe, silver surfer, spider-man, star trek, star wars, superman, teenage mutant ninja turtles, the flash, the incredible hulk, the punisher, thor, thundercats, transformers, voltron, x-files

142 Comments

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  1. Am I the only one who found the Masters of the Universe reboot highly enjoyable?

    • I disagree with several items on this list. The He-Man reboot wasn’t that bad; Mattel’s mad need to control everything brought an unfortunate early end to it. Val Staples made a fantastic comic book series to go along with this.

      For Star Trek – I agree that Star Trek V and Nemesis and abominations and should be stricken from memory. Voyager is still an enjoyable series, but I could never get into Enterprise. What about the nightmarish Star Trek animated series?

      Thundercats does have a reboot series, which started last year. It’s not bad, though I was a little disappointed by some of the changes. I have not seen the second season, so I can’t comment on it now.

      As for missed nightmares, I think you have missed many choices. The Matrix sequels, as another poster mentioned. What about the Joel Schumacher Batman travesties?

      Indy 4 I thought was meh, but didn’t find that it required psychotherapy. Daredevil should be on this list: now THAT’S a crap movie! And the Phantom with Billy Zane – yikes! The Disney Atlantis: The Lost Empire was pretty bad, too.

  2. Hey I can find u a night light if u need one. There’s nothing to be afraid of I swear. JK

    u should probably mention who and what u were talking about no idea what ur disagreeing on.

    • Lone Gunmen, never saw it but you make it sound like it was the cast from Toxic Avenger’s trying to do a musical X-Files (wait a minute…). Couldn’t have been all that bad.
      Star trek: Enterprise, my god that was one of the best Star Trek series to date (not taking on debates, just saying). I can’t think of any major glaring flaws with that series. What with the excellent writing and cast, i mean Scott Bakula as Captain…oh and don’t forget the amazing Evil Alternate episodes.
      Other than that, yeah we pretty much agree, all one stinking pile of mind scarring garbage.

  3. The Cartoon Network He-Man reboot used the artwork for a He-man series continuation called “Son of He-Man”. It was dismissed by the producers (maybe the darker tone of the designs?) of the original He-Man.

    Had they kept to the original creators/writer team story, the reboot might not had ended up on this list :P

  4. The Flash TV series from the ’90s had some great episodes. Plus, with a theme by Danny Elfman, and Mark Hamill as the Trickster, it doesn’t deserve to be put along side Superman III and the Justice League TV series.

    Also, what about Howard the Duck? The first comic-movie adaptation definitely should be put on this list. More fuel for the flame-war between Marvel and DC fans.

    Go DC.

  5. Man I wish they’d make some Matrix sequels – those would be cool.

    Or how about some Aliens vs. Predator movies, those could be very cool.

    Or maybe an Alien 4 – that has some potential too.

    How about a Judge Dredd movie?

  6. Knowing who Qui Gon Jinn is, isn’t the problem. The problem is the crap-tacular film he was surrounded by, and the ridiculous Midichlorian BS he was saddled with explaining.

  7. In my group of 5-6 friends, only I had watched the Original Trilogy, which I loved. However, my friends, who had only seen the Phantom Menace, thought that Star Wars was garbage. I had a hard time convincing them that Star Wars’ greatness is not the newer films, but the older ones that came out before any of us were born. But I made them see it, and each and every one of them loved it. My friends are all 20-25 years of age and were lucky I was there to show the original trilogy to them. But it’s not so lucky for the current generation, who are sure to directly watch the prequels, and not like Star Wars. So basically, Star Wars shall live on in the minds of we guys, who watched the original trilogy. Most of the newer generation kids are sure to not like it because of the prequels.

  8. That’s funny I don’t like star wars because of the originals havnt even seen the prequals aside from episode one which I saw years after I saw the originals.

    • it’s not necessary to like Star Wars because of the Originals, but I think it’s certainly not possible to love it by watching the prequels.

  9. Highlander 2 was better when they took the outerspace crap out of it. 1990′s Flash was awesome at the time it was on tv. Anything after the original Transformers Generation 1 in cartoon format sucks. LOL hate to admit but i still watch The Masters of the Universe movie. I have it on DVD along with KRULL and The Princess Bride.

  10. The Flash tv series from 1990 doesn’t really deserve to be in here.

  11. Transformers: Animated was NOT “anime style.” That is a ridiculous statement. Freaking Japanese series of Transformers were “anime style” because they WERE ANIME. TF Animated is a jokey, silly, badly animated pile of crap.

  12. I thoroughly loved the Star Wars prequels to death, so sue me out of my life savings, why don’t ya’!!!

    The mentioned Trek movies were’nt so bad either.

  13. I wish to disagree about the original battelstar. I tried very hard to get into the version, but come on the fact that after a few episodes there were no redeeming qualities to the humans. 1) they never banned together to save what was left of their race. and 2) they started the war that caused the attacks. the original series was cut and dry good verses evil.

    • I’m with Vidmann9: I watched the old and new Battlestars. While the old one was campy and schlocky, at least there were likable characters. I never found myself caring about ANY of the reboot’s characters – I’m not sure any of them had a single redeeming quality. It didn’t have any heart at all. Even Adama was a complete ass. I wouldn’t have followed that man anywhere (unlike the Adama of the original). I found myself rooting for the Cylons the whole time.

  14. Maybe its because i was only ten when phantom menace came out i have a better opinion of the prequels. But believe me, even at age 10 i was an avid fan of the original trilogy and still am to this day. But, Phantom menace had a great story and was great to set up anakin skywalkers story. Why must fanboys discredit the whole film for the awfulness of Jar Jar? I do agree that the second film was awful and a detriment to the prequel trilogy. But revenge of the sith wholly made up for the awfulness of Jar Jar and the entire second film. The prequels should be seen as separate, and an homage to the original trilogy, by no means forgotten however. Its the “origin story” of Star wars, and we fanboys love our origin stories. The real abomination is the clone wars animated series that too this day confounds all logic

  15. How the F### can you say that new Battlestar Galactica is better than the original….whoever wrote this must be young indeed…..the original was great science fiction that was super popular….the only reason it was canceled was because of it’s high budget….the cylons were great looking…..the new series is totally cheap…..yeah lets make the cylons look human….they can be cyborgs…..like that hasn’t been done a million times before….they just didn’t want to drop the cash for costumes or props.

  16. my wife and i have watched and enjoyed most of the shows on this list and have them on dvd. most not all. alot of people seam to forget that the old animation style does not appeal to younger generations. my kids refuse to watch older cartoons because the animation isnt nearly as smooth as it is today. we look back at our childhood cartoons and treasure them but our kids do not. the new series is made for them, not us. we dont really look back at our parents shows the way our parents do so dont expect our kids to watch our shows with the admiration we have for them. in all honesty as an adult watching the old cartoons, they get pretty freakin stupid, all of them. doesnt mean i dont still enjoy them.

  17. Horrible List

    Search for Spock is great and so is Voyage Home.

    TMNT 2003 is also good, this list is retarded.

    And beast wars isn’t bad either it just has crap CG. If you went back and took off your nostalgia blinders you’d probably see that He-Man and Thundercats weren’t gold.

    In fact the Thundercats remake on now is way better than the original especially in terms of animation

  18. Hmm, a few things to mention. The TMNT reboot cartoon is very much a mixed bag for me. The new theme song totally lame, but the plot of the show much more in keeping with the original comics, so it was actually pretty good. Though I did miss a lot of the stuff from the original cartoon. So it was kind of fifty fifty for me. The 2002 He-Man reboot cartoon was amazing. That reboot I would definitely not call a secret shame.

    There is a untalked of shame in regards to Star Wars that you forgot to mention. Lucas’s revisit to the original trilogy and subsequent changes to said trilogy, ie Han not shooting first and all that. Yeah, I understand though, we all want to forget about those changes as well. Still, they did happen, and well, it’s hard to find the original theatrical releases on DVD so we kind of have to live with the new versions, don’t we? Dammit!

  19. Isn’t that Christopher Reeve not Reeves, though? For a supposed geek-obsessed website you show surprising disdain for accuracy in things like names.