While they are not the original meaning behind Easter, eggs have become a colorful and tasty representation of the spring holiday. Animated films like Hop, Rise of the Guardians and It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown always show eggs at their best and most beautiful, but we’re here to tell you that even eggs have a dark side.
Grab your wire egg holder, your box of PAAS multicolored dye tablets and some cups full of vinegar as we show you a Dozen Movie Eggs You Don’t Want to Find for Easter.
Cy-Bugs are the scourge of the video game Hero’s Duty in Wreck-It Ralph, and they can lay many millions of eggs in a short amount of time. As if that wasn’t enough, just one touch by something or someone other than a Cy-Bug and they all hatch simultaneously and begin wreaking havoc on everything around them!
Cy-Bugs have a nasty habit of absorbing the DNA and characteristics of whatever they consume – including people. So to find one of these bad boys in your Easter basket on a Sunday morning would be a real downer.
There’s nothing like a feel-good, human interest story about a true underdog, and Hollywood does a great job of presenting the story of the first Jamaican Olympic bobsled team in Cool Runnings.
One of the team’s members, Sanka Coffie, swears by his lucky egg, kissing it each time they shoot down the ice. He even begs teammate Yul Brenner to kiss the egg for luck as well, but Brenner knows better.
This egg, while not the worst thing to find in your basket, makes our list for one simple reason – Sanka stores it in his pants! Forgive us if we don’t want any egg that’s been rolling around in his homemade “incubator”.
It would be startling enough to find a giant talking egg with arms, legs and a face – but to find said egg in a gold, skin (shell?)-tight spandex suit would be the worst kind of nursery rhyme nightmare.
There’s nothing about Humpty Dumpty from Puss in Boots that goes over easy with us – and just the thought of him lying in wait for some unsuspected egg hunter to find truly yolks us up.
And lest you forget, ol’ Humpty is sans clothing under that tracksuit – going eggmando, if you will.
There’s nothing better than grabbing a slab of bacon, a bag of grits (it’s a Southern thing) and a carton of eggs and making a big ol’ breakfast first thing on a lazy Saturday morning – unless, of course, the eggs turn out to be haunted.
That very thing happened to NYC symphonic cellist Dana Barrett in Ghostbusters (Sigourney Weaver), because the demigod Zuul had decided to sub-lease from her. If my eggs ever start frying themselves on my kitchen counter, then I’m just going to eat at Waffle House.
There’s only two ways to find an oversized Mogwai egg in your house on Easter morning – either feed your ancient Chinese pet Mogwai after midnight (isn’t it technically ALWAYS after midnight somewhere?) or pour water on it. Do either of those things and *POOF* big, nasty eggs littering your basement.
Like most eggs, the contents are more dangerous than the shell, and once they hatch you’ll have an infestation of mischievous – and evil – Gremlins running amok. If this ever happens, it’s pretty much all your fault since you already knew the rules going in.
Is there anything more disturbing than walking into a spider web? That thin silk feels like it will be on your forever and you’ll be checking your neck, back and hair every 15 seconds because you’ll swear a spider is crawling on you. *Shivers*
Most spiders are harmless and won’t mess with you too much, but what you definitely don’t want to run into is an enormous egg sack of the deadly and aggressive Venezuelan spider, which is filled with hundreds and hundreds of those pesky suckers!
If you ever come across one, just call John Goodman and shoot it with a nail gun.
Just because you decide to spend Easter at the beach or lake house, doesn’t mean you’re safe from a potentially dangerous egg. Piranhas lay dozens of eggs, each one housing a carnivorous fish that will strip the meat off your bones in a mere matter of seconds.
If you happen upon these unholy aquatic terrors while snorkeling or diving, then just slowly turn around and SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
We’re just kidding – you don’t stand a chance of making it to the surface in one piece.
At first glance this doesn’t appear to be such a bad thing – after all, what is more precious and awe inspiring than the beginning of a human life?
Well, if you’re on Spring Break in Daytona Beach and the egg belongs to some girl you met while drinking belly shots on the set of MTV’s party house…this could be your worst nightmare.
This egg is scary for a couple of reasons: It’s disgusting (goo and slime everywhere) and it houses a dangerous, face-hugging Xenomorph.
Fortunately, the only way you’ll run into one of these deadly eggs is by travelling deep into space – and even then you’ll need to explore an alien planet, a broken down spaceship or be a curious (read: dumb) biologist. We encourage you to take a closer look (at your own risk).
Let’s say you live in the Midwest and want to take your hot country boyfriend or girlfriend out to the barn to actually roll in the hay. As things start to heat up,you come across a large nest of foul-smelling eggs.
Those are alien Crite eggs and we suggest you leave the barn immediately – before you become the first meal of a bunch of hungry babies.
Biotechnology has come a long way in the last 50 years, and soon the world’s leading scientists will be cloning more than just sheep. Everyone wants to see a dinosaur in person, and if we’re lucky it’ll just be herbivores like stegosauruses, triceratopses, or brachiosauruses.
Unfortunately humans are TOO curious, and we’ll end up with dangerous omnivores like velociraptors running around the planet laying eggs by the thousands. If you do ever come across a raptor egg, you might want to leave it be and stay out of the tall grass. And watch your six (your nine, three and twelve) as you’re making your escape.
Almost every teen boy at one time or another dreams about having a pet iguana in his room. Their parents, however, might draw the line at an 260 foot-tall monster iguana dropping 6-foot tall eggs all over the place.
These bad boys are born tall, mean and hungry and will gladly chomp down on anything they see – popcorn, cotton candy, fish or any human that might be unfortunate enough to cross their path.
That’s it for our 12 Movie Eggs You Don’t Want to Find for Easter, and while some of these may not sound so bad, believe us, they are.
Are there any movie eggs you wouldn’t want to find in your Easter basket?
Hop over to Twitter and give me your best egg pun – @MoviePaul.