The story of Dr. Frankenstein’s monster has become one of the most recognizable in modern horror. But in writer/director Stuart Beattie’s I, Frankenstein, the mad scientist’s creation and his story are being completely re-imagined into an ongoing war between a gargoyle army and an ancient demon.
To do that, the bolts and awkward movements have been cast aside, creating a new take on Frankenstein (Aaron Eckhart) who is “a lean, mean, fighting machine.” We can only hope that’s the case, because once the hero is done dealing with gargoyles and vampires, we’d love to see him turn his talents to the monstrosities of our own world.
They’re stranger than any make-believe monster, so here is our list of 5 Real Life Monsters Frankenstein Should Fight.
The goblin shark has the name and translucent appearance (caused by blood vessels close to the skin’s surface) suitable for any horror movie villain, but its ability to extend its jaws nearly to the tip of its broad snout is enough to make even marine enthusiasts nauseous.
While the goblin may be slow and sluggish, the fact that this “living fossil” is descended from a 125 million year old family makes us think even dinosaurs woke up screaming in their beds after seeing one up close. Adam Frankenstein can fight – but can he swim?
Image Credit: FishesofAustralia.net.au
Referring to human beings as ants is commonplace for movie villains these days, but it’s clear they’re not referring to the Dorylus a.k.a. “Safari Ants.” While a single specimen poses little threat, these minuscule monsters find strength in numbers – a single colony contains up to 20 million, to be exact. When a human being – re-animated or not – crosses their path, the result is truly horrifying.
The ants are capable of stinging their prey, but instead prefer to bite – clear evidence of psychopathic tendencies that has us wondering why they aren’t already as famous as zombies or vampires. What good are weapons or martial arts do when a horde of ants (who have even preyed on elephants) decides to take the spot at the top the food chain?
Image Credit: Alex Wild Photography
Unfortunately, the coconut crab isn’t named for the food it’s best paired with, but its ability to crack them open with its claws – a feat even humans (with PhD’s) struggle to achieve. Did we mention they grow to 3 feet across and have evolved lungs to survive on land? You see where we’re going.
Sure, coconut crabs aren’t known for their speed, but neither are zombies or slashers. With their strength and blood red eyes, we assume they’re simply waiting for their opportune moment. Once they discover how much sweeter human flesh is than that of a coconut, Frankenstein had better swap his blades for a crab cracker.
Image Credit: Flickr
Once the basis of legendary sea monsters like the mythical Kraken, the colossal squid – not to be confused with its smaller relative, the giant squid – is a prime example of why Earth’s oceans hold stranger and more terrifying creatures than any alien world. Each of its tentacles are equipped with swiveling hooks to keep its prey from escaping, with experts estimating that a full grown colossal squid can reach over 40 feet in length.
Scientists can only estimate, since no living specimen has ever been spotted (at least not one big enough to possess the colossal-sized beaks found in the stomachs of this squid’s only predator, the sperm whale). So not only are these monsters enormous, but smart enough to remain hidden while they feed (read: plot world domination). Again, we hope Frankenstein has his SCUBA.
Alfred Hitchcock may have thought that filling the air with flocks of murderous birds was the airborne creatures at their most terrifying, but he likely never met a southern cassowary. Introduce the average person to one of the large, flightless birds, and they’ll be captivated by its bright colors and size. And that’s when it strikes.
Thanks to the 4-inch long “spear-like” claw on its inner toes, the cassowary is one bird to steer clear of. While the bird has been responsible for only one official human death, it packs the tools and dwindling population to force it to extremes. If cassowary numbers ever start to swell, it may be time to invest in hand-to-hand weaponry.
Image Credit: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen
Those are just a handful of examples for moviegoers who feel that demonic or disgusting creatures are simply the stuff of fiction. But if you prefer your monsters imaginary, then you’ll be happy to know that the director of I, Frankenstein has some ideas for the future.
I, Frankenstein hits theaters today.
Follow Andrew on Twitter @andrew_dyce.
Header Image: Altered From Photo by Petr Jan Juračka.