10 Ways to Avoid Being Killed by a Horror Movie Monster

Published 1 year ago by , Updated August 9th, 2013 at 6:17 pm, This is a list post.

Cyclops from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad In the world of serial killers and demons, there are plenty of ways to die in a standard horror movie - check out our 10 Unique Horror Movie Deaths list post - but the number of ways to lose your life increases dramatically when monsters are inserted into the equation. Let's say that in your travels you cross paths with a monster from a horror movie and you DON'T want to die by being torn to shreds, eaten, mauled, or disemboweled - how would you go about surviving such an encounter? Well, if you read our 10 Ways to Avoid Being Killed by a Horror Movie Monster, then you should come out relatively unscathed.

Don't Be the Guy Hunting the Monster

Robert Peck as Robert Muldoon from Jurassic Park Example: Robert Muldoon (Bob Peck) in Jurassic Park Monster: Velociraptor While most (read: smart) people are running away from a dangerous monster, these guys are purposely tracking it down with the intent to kill - or sometimes capture. Hunters are usually the most heavily armed and prepared to handle an encounter with a horror movie monster, but all that firepower becomes useless when the ownder's first to be taken out. You're better off dropping the heavy equipment and running for your life - just don't look back.

Don't Be a Big-Breasted Woman

Female Extras from Piranha 3D Example: Every female extra in Piranha 3D Monster: Flesh-eating Piranhas At first glance, this statement may appear sexist, but if you watch every monster movie ever made you'll notice that most (if not all) well-endowed women never survive longer than the first act. Typically, they become nothing more than voluptuous screen-chewing fodder for a hungry, bloodthirsty beast. In some ways, having large breasts while being attacked by a horror movie monster is the equivalent of being on a Star Trek episode while wearing a red shirt - your chances of survival are slim-to-none.

Don't Be the Jerk of the Film

Jonathan Hyde as Warren Westridge from Anaconda Example: Warren Westridge (Jonathan Hyde) in Anaconda Monster - Giant Green Anaconda During extreme situations, like being chased by a horror movie monster, people tend to respond one of two ways - either they band together in an attempt to save everyone in the group or they become a selfish jerks that the rest of the group comes to despise. Just because you're in a life-threatening situation doesn't mean you can't use your good manners. It's short and simple: No one in a group likes a jerk. In fact, if it comes down to your group saving the jerk or saving the bumbling idiot, the jerk is bound to be left for dead every time.

Don't Be Left Alone For Any Reason

Victoria Johnson as Ranger Gail from Grizzly Example: Ranger Gail (Victoria Johnson) in Grizzly Monster: Prehistoric Grizzly Bear If a horror movie monster is in the area and you don't remember anything else from this list, then you MUST remember just one lifesaving rule (unless you have a death wish and want to be mangled, that is). There truly is safety in numbers and your chances of survival increase significantly as long as you aren't alone when you cross paths with a large, dangerous creature.  Because if it comes down to a fight between you and the creature, mano-a-mano, the creature tends to win.

Don't Be the Wounded Zebra of the Group

Victor Wong as Walter Chang from Tremors Example: Walter Chang (Victor Wong) in Tremors Monster: Graboid There is a saying, "I don't have to be faster than the monster, just faster than you." This is especially true when a horror movie monster is picking a group of people off one at a time. Monsters will always go for the "low-hanging fruit" or the easy kill - people who are usually elderly, hurt, sick or overweight. Just like you don't want to be the hunter (who typically is at the front of the group), you don't want to be last, either. It's best to stay somewhere in the middle.

Don't be a Former or Current Special Forces Soldier

Kevin McKidd as Private Cooper from Dog Soldiers Example: Scottish Commandos in Dog Soldiers Monster: Werewolf All of the men and women in the Special Forces are true badasses and God bless every one of them for serving their country, but all that highly-skilled weapon and hand-to-hand combat training is ultimately worthless when going up against a horror movie monster. Sure, the survival training and knowledge they have can be useful against monsters up to a point, but all it really does is prolong their impending demise. You have a better chance of living as a Boy Scout with a pocketknife than a Navy SEAL with an M-16.

Don't Be a Leading Scientist in Any Field of Study

Rafe Spall as Millburn from Prometheus Example: Millburn (Rafe Spall) in Prometheus Monster: Alien Worm By their very nature, scientists are curious about anything and everything and often throw caution to the wind for the chance to see or touch a horror movie monster up close, even if it means losing their life in the process - which they always do. Scientists do serve a purpose, though, because without them we wouldn't know anything about the beast trying to devour us. However, once that knowledge has been passed on to the group, they can sacrifice themselves to the creature...in the name of science.

Don't Go Swimming, Camping, or Hiking Alone

Susan Backlinie as Chrissie Watkins from Jaws Example: Chrissie Watkins (Susan Backilnie) in Jaws Monster: Great White Shark There's nothing wrong with wanting to commune with nature by going for a swim, camping or taking a relaxing hike through the woods by yourself, but when "nature" is trying to kill you by way of a horror movie monster, you should seriously consider staying indoors and around people. As was stated earlier, monsters go for the easy prey. And nothing is easier than a human being frolicking about in nature with no one else around to watch their back or hear them scream for help.

Don't Stand Too Close to Any Opening, Window or Door

Samuel L. Jackson as Russell Franklin from Deep Blue Sea Example: Russell Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson) in Deep Blue Sea Monster: Super Shark You should have a healthy amount of paranoia when approaching an entrance way where a monster could easily reach out and grab you. Bad things will always happen if you stand too close to an entrance, but if you MUST stand near one, at least don't turn your back to it. Your actions during an attack by a horror movie monster should be the same as if a tornado is bearing down on you - don't go near any windows or doors.

Don't Sneak Off to have Sex, Get Drunk or Get High

Billy Zane as Steve Elliot from Critters Example: Steve Elliot (Billy Zane) in Critters Monster: Crites It's a known fact that horror movie monsters are highly attracted to the smell of alcohol, weed and hormones. So if you find yourself in the position of being hunted down by one such creature, then it's in your best interest to abstain from any of those activities. Guys: If during an attack, you find that you just can't control your hormones because the girl you're with is too much of "hottie," just remember - the monster will probably kill and eat you first. Girls: You aren't immune to this either, so getting drunk on cheap beer during a time of crisis isn't the way to go. In the end, you'll just give the monster a buzz.

10 Ways To Avoid Being Killed By A Horror Movie Monster

Cyclops from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad Those are our 10 Ways to Avoid Being Killed By a Horror Movie Monster, so do with them what you will. And if you ever find yourself being chased through the woods, drinking heavily, or standing next to an open doorway with a some dangerous beast in the area, don't say we didn't warn you. Are there any other ways you can think of to keep from being some monster's dinner? - Follow me on Twitter - @MoviePaul - and tell me how you would avoid a messy death at the hands of a horror movie monster.
TAGS: deep blue sea, dog soldiers, jaws 3d, jurassic park, piranha 3d, prometheus

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  1. Haha loving these Halloween articles. I think I would add that being “the skeptic” will get you killed. In a lot of films the person who refuses to believe or explain away a series of monsters killings will usual meet their demise to said monster. That and the movie’s cop usual gets killed too though that might fall under the category of soldier. :)

  2. You missed one: don’t be the token black guy in the group.

  3. annnnnnd now i want to go watch Dog Soldiers, again.

  4. Wow that monster thing on the beach gives me the creeps!

    http://www.ok-anon.tk

  5. I have not seen Tremors in a very long time.

    That movie sure kicked some ass.

    • @Sambo – I’m a HUGE fan of everything Tremors. I love all 4 movies and sadly own the the TV series on DVD. lol

      Paul Young

  6. The best way is to be the monster.

  7. Number 6, is it Boy Scott or is it supposed to be Boy Scout. Just wondering.

  8. I would rather be the monster. Like Jason for example. Even if I do die, I’ll be back :D

    • Well you don’t have to be a monster you could just be “Ahhhnold”. He always comes back.

  9. Hahaha! These lists are getting even better! Thanks Paul.

  10. basically dont be anyone with any kind of authority or skill set. like hunters, commandos, cops, scientists, kung fu masters, cheerleaders. Unless you are ahnold its best to be average, semi smart, semi handsome, semi nice, middle of the pack kind of guy.

  11. Or you can just be the Incredible Hulk.. He’s impervious to everything except Betty Ross, she has boobs!

    BOOM!

  12. ^^^^^^ best. Post. Ever

  13. THe biggest way to not get killed by a horror movie monster is not be black.

  14. haha people r so stupid sometimes it makes me feel smart :)

  15. Ok, when I click on the link to get here, there is a creeeeeepy looking dude in a grocery aisle.. what movie is that from?!! Thanks

    • He is the main “Shinigami demon” character in the anime series Deathnote. You should check it out ASAP

  16. This article’s teaser pic was Ryuk from Death Note. false advertising. Although, yeah, in order not to be killed, don’t befriend the monster who keeps telling you he might kill you.

  17. #6 is partially wrong.
    Besides the American special forces guy they find in Predators, when facing a Predator, the last guy alive has usually been the special-forces guy (Schwarzaneger, the guy with the ACU AA12 in Predators). Neither of them die.

  18. in light of the cover photo don’t befriend any monster (specially one that is a death god), don’t make no deals and definitely do need accept any notebooks from them! -_-

  19. How about:

    Don’t fall while running.
    Don’t shout “is anyone in here?!” from the top of your lungs.

    Definitely missing those.

  20. I’ve got another one when in doubt Don’t get yourself into those situations!

  21. how about being black not even trying to be racist but they always get killed

  22. Hey, here’s a tip….. Do not have any history with the monster.

  23. Another one: If you are with a group of people and a noise is made if someone suggests “let’s go see what that was ect. DO NOT GO TOWARDS IT!

  24. Don’t be the only minority in a film.

  25. No.11 If you are being attacked by a human (e.g.Scream)don’t get scared, get ANGRY
    No.12 If you are being chased by something massive, remember: sharp turns are your friend because the monster will probably not have the agility to follow you in that way
    No.13 don’t be useful in any obvious way
    No.14 don’t walk/run into roads, to many accidents happen when you’ve just escaped the thing, only to be killed by a passing car or lorry
    No.15 …Bazooka… that’s all that needs to be said really.

  26. What about how people have a chance to move but the just sit there and scream and never look back when you run you always fall down in the movie and why not kick them in the nuts?

  27. you forgot…. DONT BE BLACK!!! ha ha

  28. As a scientist, I can say this is absolutely true. Monsters are chasing me now!! I am writing a book about it and a screenplay, lol…it is funny while also a bit unnerving. Can’t wait to sell the screenplay. Book will be done by February 2013!

  29. Don’t forget the “double tap”.
    When you kill a monster, kill it good. Don’t just assume it’s dead.

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