10 Ways to Avoid Being Killed by a Horror Movie Monster

Published 1 year ago by , Updated August 9th, 2013 at 6:17 pm, This is a list post.

Cyclops from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad In the world of serial killers and demons, there are plenty of ways to die in a standard horror movie - check out our 10 Unique Horror Movie Deaths list post - but the number of ways to lose your life increases dramatically when monsters are inserted into the equation. Let's say that in your travels you cross paths with a monster from a horror movie and you DON'T want to die by being torn to shreds, eaten, mauled, or disemboweled - how would you go about surviving such an encounter? Well, if you read our 10 Ways to Avoid Being Killed by a Horror Movie Monster, then you should come out relatively unscathed.

Don't Be the Guy Hunting the Monster

Robert Peck as Robert Muldoon from Jurassic Park Example: Robert Muldoon (Bob Peck) in Jurassic Park Monster: Velociraptor While most (read: smart) people are running away from a dangerous monster, these guys are purposely tracking it down with the intent to kill - or sometimes capture. Hunters are usually the most heavily armed and prepared to handle an encounter with a horror movie monster, but all that firepower becomes useless when the ownder's first to be taken out. You're better off dropping the heavy equipment and running for your life - just don't look back.

Don't Be a Big-Breasted Woman

Female Extras from Piranha 3D Example: Every female extra in Piranha 3D Monster: Flesh-eating Piranhas At first glance, this statement may appear sexist, but if you watch every monster movie ever made you'll notice that most (if not all) well-endowed women never survive longer than the first act. Typically, they become nothing more than voluptuous screen-chewing fodder for a hungry, bloodthirsty beast. In some ways, having large breasts while being attacked by a horror movie monster is the equivalent of being on a Star Trek episode while wearing a red shirt - your chances of survival are slim-to-none.

Don't Be the Jerk of the Film

Jonathan Hyde as Warren Westridge from Anaconda Example: Warren Westridge (Jonathan Hyde) in Anaconda Monster - Giant Green Anaconda During extreme situations, like being chased by a horror movie monster, people tend to respond one of two ways - either they band together in an attempt to save everyone in the group or they become a selfish jerks that the rest of the group comes to despise. Just because you're in a life-threatening situation doesn't mean you can't use your good manners. It's short and simple: No one in a group likes a jerk. In fact, if it comes down to your group saving the jerk or saving the bumbling idiot, the jerk is bound to be left for dead every time.

Don't Be Left Alone For Any Reason

Victoria Johnson as Ranger Gail from Grizzly Example: Ranger Gail (Victoria Johnson) in Grizzly Monster: Prehistoric Grizzly Bear If a horror movie monster is in the area and you don't remember anything else from this list, then you MUST remember just one lifesaving rule (unless you have a death wish and want to be mangled, that is). There truly is safety in numbers and your chances of survival increase significantly as long as you aren't alone when you cross paths with a large, dangerous creature.  Because if it comes down to a fight between you and the creature, mano-a-mano, the creature tends to win.

Don't Be the Wounded Zebra of the Group

Victor Wong as Walter Chang from Tremors Example: Walter Chang (Victor Wong) in Tremors Monster: Graboid There is a saying, "I don't have to be faster than the monster, just faster than you." This is especially true when a horror movie monster is picking a group of people off one at a time. Monsters will always go for the "low-hanging fruit" or the easy kill - people who are usually elderly, hurt, sick or overweight. Just like you don't want to be the hunter (who typically is at the front of the group), you don't want to be last, either. It's best to stay somewhere in the middle.

Don't be a Former or Current Special Forces Soldier

Kevin McKidd as Private Cooper from Dog Soldiers Example: Scottish Commandos in Dog Soldiers Monster: Werewolf All of the men and women in the Special Forces are true badasses and God bless every one of them for serving their country, but all that highly-skilled weapon and hand-to-hand combat training is ultimately worthless when going up against a horror movie monster. Sure, the survival training and knowledge they have can be useful against monsters up to a point, but all it really does is prolong their impending demise. You have a better chance of living as a Boy Scout with a pocketknife than a Navy SEAL with an M-16.

Don't Be a Leading Scientist in Any Field of Study

Rafe Spall as Millburn from Prometheus Example: Millburn (Rafe Spall) in Prometheus Monster: Alien Worm By their very nature, scientists are curious about anything and everything and often throw caution to the wind for the chance to see or touch a horror movie monster up close, even if it means losing their life in the process - which they always do. Scientists do serve a purpose, though, because without them we wouldn't know anything about the beast trying to devour us. However, once that knowledge has been passed on to the group, they can sacrifice themselves to the creature...in the name of science.

Don't Go Swimming, Camping, or Hiking Alone

Susan Backlinie as Chrissie Watkins from Jaws Example: Chrissie Watkins (Susan Backilnie) in Jaws Monster: Great White Shark There's nothing wrong with wanting to commune with nature by going for a swim, camping or taking a relaxing hike through the woods by yourself, but when "nature" is trying to kill you by way of a horror movie monster, you should seriously consider staying indoors and around people. As was stated earlier, monsters go for the easy prey. And nothing is easier than a human being frolicking about in nature with no one else around to watch their back or hear them scream for help.

Don't Stand Too Close to Any Opening, Window or Door

Samuel L. Jackson as Russell Franklin from Deep Blue Sea Example: Russell Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson) in Deep Blue Sea Monster: Super Shark You should have a healthy amount of paranoia when approaching an entrance way where a monster could easily reach out and grab you. Bad things will always happen if you stand too close to an entrance, but if you MUST stand near one, at least don't turn your back to it. Your actions during an attack by a horror movie monster should be the same as if a tornado is bearing down on you - don't go near any windows or doors.

Don't Sneak Off to have Sex, Get Drunk or Get High

Billy Zane as Steve Elliot from Critters Example: Steve Elliot (Billy Zane) in Critters Monster: Crites It's a known fact that horror movie monsters are highly attracted to the smell of alcohol, weed and hormones. So if you find yourself in the position of being hunted down by one such creature, then it's in your best interest to abstain from any of those activities. Guys: If during an attack, you find that you just can't control your hormones because the girl you're with is too much of "hottie," just remember - the monster will probably kill and eat you first. Girls: You aren't immune to this either, so getting drunk on cheap beer during a time of crisis isn't the way to go. In the end, you'll just give the monster a buzz.

10 Ways To Avoid Being Killed By A Horror Movie Monster

Cyclops from The 7th Voyage of Sinbad Those are our 10 Ways to Avoid Being Killed By a Horror Movie Monster, so do with them what you will. And if you ever find yourself being chased through the woods, drinking heavily, or standing next to an open doorway with a some dangerous beast in the area, don't say we didn't warn you. Are there any other ways you can think of to keep from being some monster's dinner? - Follow me on Twitter - @MoviePaul - and tell me how you would avoid a messy death at the hands of a horror movie monster.
TAGS: deep blue sea, dog soldiers, jaws 3d, jurassic park, piranha 3d, prometheus

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  1. What is the movie that features the tall, skinny, black and white clown-ish monster in the supermarket that is used for this articles main picture?

    • Death Note

    • Si mal no recuerdo su nombre es Ryuk, y es de la película de Death Note, la cual esta basada en un manga

    • the god of death from the death book

      • sorry meant death note

    • death note, japanese movie.

    • First its a shinigami its from the death note

      • And Ryuuk isn’t really a monster, is he? I mean, he doesn’t really kill anyone, does he?

        • He uses his own death note to kill people, by writing their names on it. And Ryuk is a Shinigami (death god), not really a monster.

    • It is ryuk from death note.

      it was a good anime but bad live movie

    • The “tall, skinny, black and white clown-ish monster” is not a monster rather, he is Ryuk, who is actually a shinigami. And he isn’t from a movie, he is in fact from the anime and manga “Deathnote”. Great one. A must watch/read. c:

    • Death note

    • Death Note and it’s sequel

  2. You forgot the Top Two:

    1. Do not, under any circumstances, walk backward.

    2. Do not, under any circumstances, walk around a dark place saying “Hello? Jeremy, is that you? C’mon you guys, this isn’t funny any more.” If you do this, Darwin’s corpse will reanimate, rise from the grave, and strangle you himself, because evolution says you are too stupid to continue living in any case.

  3. first one kind of seems obvious and very funny. Don’t want to have one of those “clever girl” moments? Last thing you want to do is go into their primary element so they can jump you easily.

    Lol the guy with the best survival potential and most knowledge of them, a cool head, skillful, well armed, witty and interesting subjects himself to being an easy meal.

  4. 1. Don’t be a virgin.
    and
    2. Don’t ever say “I’ll be right back” when leaving a room.

    • being a virgin will help you survive (see the rule about not having sex)

  5. you forgot “to be the only black guy”

    • Unless you are played by Will Smith. Then the monster should run. In I Am Legend his character even survived almost the whole movie while being a special forces soldier, the monster hunter and the scientist.

      • Having an assault rifle doesn’t make you a special forces soldier and just because he survived almost the whole movie does not remove the fact that he was the only black guy and ended up dying.

  6. lol @ 6. The guy in the picture is using a handgun and an automatic rifle simultaneously. Call that special forces?

  7. good list.

  8. So I picked this article from zergnet.com list of articles and there was a photo as the advertisement for this that has some super tall crazy clown looking dude in a grocery/corner store. Does anyone know what movie or thing that picture is from? I even print screened that photo here is the URL=http://i49.tinypic.com/mc9ndi.jpg

    • it’s ryuk, a character from an very popular manga and anime series called death note. it is neither horror or a movie, but definitely worth reading. it’s kinda of a psychological thriller where what’s good and evil are not clear.

  9. i’m going to scream because the picture used in the preview image isn’t even from a horror movie, it’s ryuk the shinigami (death god) from death note which isn’t even a movie or horror.

  10. #6 is what oftentimes bugs me about such movies… why is the fittest, smartest, strongest and most generally well prepared person more likely to die than some schmuck that the audience is meant to identify with?

    And I think I just answered my own question…

  11. you forgot another way”always be near the leading actor or actress

  12. “We need to split up if we’re ever gonna find our way out of here”.

    • Also, keep your car keys on a belt lanyard, otherwise you WILL drop them. Not that it matters — you won’t be able to crank the engine, anyway.

  13. don’t be the black guy

  14. The Picture of Ryuk the shinigami brought me here :D
    DEATH NOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Which has nothing to do with a horror movie… Its a anime death god!! -_-

  15. sing cos yo mamma yo mamma yo mamma say yo mamma yo mamma wha!!?! wat she say she say….. im busy makin babys greesing babys slyding on my gravys.

  16. what about:

    1 – don’t be an ethnic minority. Not being racist (i’m black myself) but minorities rarely make it to the end of the movie.

    2 – get attacked off screen. If you didn’t die on screen then you can pop up towards the end of the movie, out of the blue to help.

    3 – if you hear a noise don’t call out “hello” or something else as inane. All it serves to do is let the creature know where you are

    (next two as mentioned by teflonheretic)

    4 – Do not, under any circumstances, walk backwards

    5 – Do not, under any circumstances, walk around a dark place saying “Hello? Jeremy, is that you? C’mon you guys, this isn’t funny any more.” If you do this, Darwin’s corpse will reanimate, rise from the grave, and strangle you himself, because evolution says you are too stupid to continue living in any case.

    6 – listen to your pets, especially if it’s a cat or a dog. There’s probably a good reason why they are growling/hissing or run off to hide

  17. Go out the back door and keep running, don’t run up or down stairs that will lead to no where or hide in the first closet you come across or hide under the bed.

    You don’t want to be the odd man or woman out either…you are expendable.

  18. Forgot the golden rule.

    You do not need to outrun the monster, just outrun the slowest person.

    Trip them if necessary.

    Now, me. We all know the bigger stronger person is 4th in line to die.

    So, I have to outrun you guys.

    Just saying.

  19. Also, don’t be a minority OR dating or having sex with said minority. The monsters always get them too!

  20. don’t forget to never run upstairs…(ie Friday the 13th) people always run upstairs to get away from Jason…inevitably falling, being pushed or thrown out of a 2nd storey window….when i see a girl heading for a flight of stairs…you know it won’t take long…

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