One rules the planet, the other presides over the cosmos. One has a Hulk, the other sports a Baby Groot. One likes shawarma, the other digs Kevin Bacon. One comprises the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, the other is a group of random people that met in prison, plus a talking raccoon. The Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy could not be more different when it comes to superhero dream teams, but we love them both all the same. And while we fully expect them to be on the same side when they appear together in Avengers: Infinity War, wouldn’t it be just as fun to see them go at it, mano a Milano?
The so-called “Cosmic Avengers” may be taking galactic cineplexes by storm with their baby trees and famously large turds, but this rag-tag team of misfits still have a long way to go before toppling over the big heroes in town. At first, second, and probably a few hundred glances, it might seem like they wouldn’t stand a chance against Stark and Co, but with just the right amount of luck and a little bit of dancing, there’s no reason why they couldn’t take down the Avengers, Hulk and all.
To set the battlefield, we will be dealing primarily with the MCU versions of both teams, because it seems like everyone and their mother has been an Avenger in the comics, and no one really cares what Bug would do in a fight (yet).
Here are 15 Ways the Guardians of the Galaxy Would Beat the Avengers.
15. Take the Fight to Space
The home team always has the advantage. Being from Earth, the Avengers have a fairly small stadium to play in. The Guardians have all of known space to call home. Sure, Thor is technically an “alien”, but spend enough time with Natalie Portman and you kind of revoke that card, not to mention the fact that he has lived what seems like a pretty sheltered life on Asgard (seriously, how does he not know who that purple guy who hates standing is?). As for his teammates, the craziest thing they have ever seen is an alien spaceship slug flying up Lexington Ave. and Erik Selvig in his underwear, which is just a normal day in the life of the GotG. So if they want to stand a chance against Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, it would definitely help to take the game to outer space.
While the vast of majority of the Avengers are trying to wrap their minds around why there’s a talking duck sipping martinis walking by, the Guardians of the Galaxy can swoop in for the win. Simply put, the Avengers are not ready to handle what the rest of the cosmos have to throw at them. This might change after Infinity War, but as of today, how many Celestials have they killed? Oh yeah, and what happened when Tony Stark flew off into space to pull an Independence Day on the Chitauri mothership? Severe PTSD. What happened when Peter Quill nearly froze to death after jumping into space to save Gamorra? An impromptu dance off. Obviously, the two sides have vastly different ways of handling what the cold abyss will throw at you. That’s something the Guardians can definitely use to their advantage.
14. Groot Does Groot
Most of the time, Groot is a gentle soul, or at least as gentle as an alien tree monster can be that got his start terrorizing small American villages and haunting the dreams of Spider-Man. But when push comes to shove, this Flora Colossus is more than able to dig down deep and uproot some major bark kicking, thanks to an impressive canopy of superpowers that include telepathy, creating miniature versions of himself, and a little thing called dendrokinesis.
Put a blood lusting Groot up against the Avengers and we’re not sure anyone survives. What could send the otherwise good hearted giant giving tree into a murderous rage? Maybe Thor boots Rocket into the next dimension, or perhaps Hulk smashes some innocent trees, as he’s been known to do. Either way, it’s hard to take someone down who is basically immortal and can grow to any size he pleases. Especially considering that he can turn his limbs into deadly blades and extend them for miles. And honestly, we’re pretty sure Groot is worthy enough to grab Mjolnir right out of Thor’s hands. That just leaves Hulk, who of all the Avengers has what it takes to best cut down Groot’s attacks. Luckily, the GotG have an answer to the big guy….
13. Mantis Puts Hulk to Sleep
Mantis may not seem like a good choice for this fight, or any fight for that matter, but she has a particular set of skills that come in very handy when dealing with massively unstoppable beings with short tempers. If she has the empathetic touch to put a Celestial to sleep, you know she can lullaby the heck out of the Incredible Hulk, making Scarlet Johansson’s palm stroking look like a game of patty-cake. But even if she can’t force Hulk to take a nap, her pathokinetic ability to manipulate emotions could turn the Jade Giant from an enormous green rage monster to complacently docile teddy bear. Kind of like the effect small puppies have on him.
The only problem is getting Mantis close enough before Hulk rips her in half and cleans his teeth with her antennas. That’s where the rest of the team comes in, distracting the Hulk with everything they’ve got long enough for Groot to either use his stretch capabilities to drop her on the big guy, or use his tree-like strength to torpedo her at him. Despite her weakened appearance and small frame, Mantis has shown to have an enhanced durability on par with Drax, enduring quite a beating during Ego’s meltdown and coming out relatively fine on the other side. So even if Hulk were to get his hands on her, she could probably hold on long enough to bring him down like a sack of happily sleepy green potatoes.
12. Gamora Out Badasses Black Widow
It’s kind of hard to compare an orphan who was raised as a Russian super spy with an orphan who was raised by Thanos. Gamora – “the most dangerous woman in the galaxy” – is Black Widow’s superior in every way, including dancing.
Granted, both characters are rather unimpressive compared to their comic counterparts, but movie version Gamora has shown that she still has what it takes to take down the first onscreen female Avenger. For starters, she’s a Zehoberei, whose race is naturally stronger than any human. Add in her bionic enhancements, and Black Widow might as well be an Orloni. Natasha Romanoff might have some cool tech, and there is an argument to be made that she could just simply shoot Gamora in the face, but as Gamora showed during the prison breakout in the first film, she can handle being fired at with guns far more powerful than a 9mm. Sorry, ScarJo fans, Gamora stomps — and probably takes out Hawkeye at the same time.
11. Drax Outmuscles Captain America
Serum smearum. Who cares about some super soldier steroids when you’re a naturally endowed space criminal? After all, they don’t call him Drax the Destroyer for nothing. He may have gotten ragdolled by Ronan, but just remember, Ronan is a guy who nonchalantly killed Thanos’ right hand man, The Other. This is the same character who basically made Loki wet his pants. The fact that Drax could even survive a beating from Ronan, as well as come out unharmed from an entire spaceship running into him, shows he probably has what it takes to withstand whatever Captain America can throw at him (…probably a shield).
The Sentinel of Liberty is definitely the more skilled fighter of the two. In fact, we’d go so far as to say Drax is the least talented member of the Guardians of the Galaxy. But what he lacks in fighting prowess and basic social concepts, he more than makes up for in brute berserker strength. Don’t forget how he manhandled the cybernetic Korath, or laughed off being pummeled through a forest during a high-speed crash landing. Or lived to tell the tale of being eaten by an Abilisk. Drax against Captain America would be a long, drawn-out slugfest, but we have the former coming out on top, laughing victoriously.
10. Rocket Out Techs Iron Man
Maybe up against Star-Lord, Iron Man would come out on top, but it would be a completely different story if he were to pick on someone not his own size. Sure, Rocket Raccoon and Tony Stark might seem like the mismatch of the century, but their smarts and attitudes make them perfectly suited for another. The best part would be hearing all the wonderful wisecracks this trash panda and playboying philanthropist hurl at one another. Though all insults aside, thanks to a far wider breadth of technical knowledge and the fact that Tony probably wouldn’t take Rocket seriously until he found himself short fried with a makeshift suped-up EMP (or whatever other galactic gizmo Rocket pulls out of his tail), Subject 8P913 would prevail.
Simply put, Iron Man’s armor would not be able to protect against the sort of advanced alien weaponry Rocket regularly McGyver’s together on the spot. Plus, the fact that Rocket has one of the best tactical minds the universe has ever seen means he can develop some pretty awesome strategies to take out not just their leader, but all the Avengers, given enough prep time. Basically, Rocket Raccoon is a furry Batman.
9. Moondragon Unleashes Mind Over Matter
Director James Gunn cut a key character from the comics out of Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and there’s a good chance it was Moondragon. On that note, Dave Bautista has said he’s all about seeing Drax’s daughter brought to the big screen, and it feels like only a matter of time before she shows her bald head. When that happens, the Guardians will have gained one of the most powerful telepaths in existence, and someone the Avengers would have little hope of stopping.
The Avenger’s heaviest hitters – Thor, Scarlett Witch, Hulk and even Vision – are all susceptible to mind control, and none play brain games better than Moondragon. If her on-screen character comes the slightest bit close to her comic counterpart, Moondragon will be able to tap into her psionic powers to read minds, manipulate matter, fly, create impenetrable shields, induce mental illusions, and mind wipe. That last one is particularly deadly, since at the speed of thought, she could kill anyone with a brain (synthetic or otherwise) that she so desires.
8. By Being Funnier
Not all battles have to end in blood and broken backs. The Guardians of the Galaxy could just as easily beat the Avengers in a far less violent contest – comedy. There may be no one better in the universe at wisecracking than Tony Stark, but when it comes to making us laugh outright, the Guardians of the Galaxy steal the show any day of the week.
Pretty much every three words out of Groot’s mouth are comedic gold, and his timing is always on point. Rocket’s the type of raccoon that will take an amputee’s leg just for kicks. Quill and Gamora are basically the odd couple of the galaxy. And if Drax isn’t laughing himself, he’s making us laugh with his over-the-head fast reflexes and inquiries into Celestial genitalia. Throw in an equally as obliviously hilarious Mantis with Yondu impersonating Julie Andrews, and the Avengers don’t stand a chance come open mic night.
7. Star-Lord Whips Out a Gravity Mine
Why Star-Lord doesn’t use gravity mines more often is beyond us. It seems like if Rocket were to replicate enough of these, any fight would be over before it began without anyone having to lose a leg or an eye.
First (and only) seen in the opening moments of 2014’s Guardians of the Galaxy, Quill puts this device to good use to get his hands on an orbed Infinity Stone and instantly incapacitate Korath’s Sakaaran troops. Since that’s pretty much all we know about this short-range device, it’s hard to say exactly what it can do, but according to the MCU wiki, it “can generate gravity as powerful as a planet.” If that’s true, and he can get one close enough to any of the non-Hulk human Avengers, they’d all be instantly immobilized by the gravity mine’s artificial pull. As a coup de grace, he could then toss an equally as unexplainable toy at them – his plasma sphere – disintegrating the lot on the spot.
6. Enlist the Ravagers
At present, the Avengers don’t really have a lot of people they can call the next time an alien army tries to blow up New York. The Guardians, however, have a whole fleet of space miscreants willing to lend a helping hand (so long as the price is right). The Ravagers may not be the most reliable bunch, and they have stupid names like Taserface, but they’re ruthless enough to be a good dog to have in this fight.
Now that we have gotten a glimpse of just how large their numbers total, the Ravagers are not to be taken lightly — especially since they’ve been revealed to include versions of the original Guardians of the Galaxy themselves. While it’s more than likely that the Avengers could take on the Ravagers, these space pirates have enough firepower and space tech to distract and wear down Earth’s Mightiest Heroes long enough to pave the way for a Guardians W. Of course the Ravagers are just as likely to kill the Guardians and play dress-up with Baby Groot as they are to lend a helping hand, but beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to fighting Avengers.
5. Star-Lord Confuses Everyone With Dancing, Rocket Blows Them Away
Hey, when you find something that works, stick with it. Just like Ronan was left completely stunned by the high-kicking moves of Peter Quill, so too would his hip thrusts bring an Avengers versus Guardians brawl to a resounding halt. Of course, dance-offs would be nothing new to anyone here (you know Tony Stark has had many a drunken showdown in his day), but no one would be expecting it, and everyone would be caught off guard long enough for Rocket Racoon to throw together a Hadron Enforcer and blast the vast majority of the Avengers to kingdom come.
Combine Star-Lord’s devil may care style with Rocket’s McGuffin gun and its capability to blow up entire moons, and we’ve got a cosmic widowmaker on our hands. Though there’s also always the possibility it never comes to this, and everyone, so delighted by Peter’s dancing, puts their weapons down and decide to join in.
4. They Get Ahold of an Infinity Stone
Turns out the guy whose codename no one can ever remember is also one of the most powerful beings in the universe. Or at least he was prior to the events of Guardians of the Galaxy 2. So if by some odd chance Star-Lord could get ahold of an Infinity Stone (preferably the Power Stone), there is a good chance he could level the playing field in a matter of seconds, even with Vision in the fold.
It’s safe to say that no one on the Avengers (save for maybe Vision) would have the ability to hold an Infinity gem in their bare hands and live to tell the tale. Granted, even in Quill’s palms, the stone is fairly unwieldy and could just as easily kill him than help, but that’s where his friends come in. Because one should ever underestimate the power of holding hands.
3. Adam Warlock Emerges
From the moment audiences caught a glimpse of his cocoon in Guardians of the Galaxy to Ayesha’s most recent tease during the post-credits of Guardians of the Galaxy 2, we’ve been anxiously awaiting the arrival of Adam Warlock. It is only a matter of time before he is born into the MCU, and when that happens, the Avengers better watch out.
In the comics, Adam has been arguably the Guardians’ most powerful member and staunchest nemesis to Thanos. While he won’t appear in Infinity War, he is guaranteed to be in future films, although most likely as a villain to start. But if this Golden Gladiator were to join up with his old team again, the Avengers would have little in the way of an answer for Him. Especially if he has the Soul Gem in his forehead. A synthetic being created as the pinnacle of evolution, Adam is a cosmic force to be reckoned with who makes Vision look like Wall-E.
2. Yondu Whistles Everyone to Death (Puts Hawkeye to Shame)
Is there anything deadlier than a whistling Yondu Udonta? Yes, a lot of things. But few of those are as unexpected as a mohawk-controlled floating arrow of death. The Guardians best tactic is to have Yondu come out of the gates tweeting before the Avengers have a chance to react or know what pierced them, targeting Scarlet Witch and Bruce Banner first, then Thor, zipping through the armors of Iron Man and War Machine, and ending triumphantly with a fly-by through the rest of the team, leaving Hawkeye for last so he can see what real arrow slinging looks like.
There is a very meaningful and important debate to be had on whether the skin of Thor and Hulk can stymie the thrusts of this tiny spear. Some might even say Cap’s shield is enough to deflect the weapon’s attack. While it’s more than likely that it cannot pierce vibranium, surely Yondu’s magic arrow can easily go around it and right into Steve Rogers’ head. Overall, Yondu’s Yaka Arrow (as it’s called) can do any number of wonderful things, like defy gravity, defy logic, make Hawkeye look even more useless than he already is, and turn you into Mary Poppins. Good luck stopping that, Avengers.
1. Tap into Celestial Powers
Whether Peter Quill has lost the power to play catch with balls of light is a matter of opinion at this point. With the destruction of his father Ego, it was implied that he would no longer be immortal, but as it stands, he is still genetically speaking half-space god. And, as our grandpappies always used to say, having some Celestial in you is better than having no Celestial in you.
There’s little chance that Peter can harness the power of Ego’s powers anymore (having your giant autonomous brain blown up will do that), but perhaps he can channel the energy of another Celestial, or even call upon something innately inside himself. Conjecture? Sure. But as it remains, there is definitely something cosmically powerful lying dormant within Star-Lord, and if pushed far enough, who knows what he might unleash. (Though, most likely, it will look like Pac-Man).
Know of any other ways the GotG could take down the Avengers? Or are we being ridiculous assuming that they stand a chance? Let us know in the comments.