The giant reptilian-based creature called Godzilla has been wreaking havoc on mankind (usually Japan) since 1954. Sometimes he’s attacking man, other times he’s protecting man – the fire-breathing beast has a very fickle relationship with us. Over the past 60 years, Godzilla has battled thirty different monsters – ranging from irradiated beasts to mechanized foes to space aliens – and he’s managed to defeat them all.
However, all those monsters lived inside the world Toho Co, Ltd. created, so Godzilla was always going to win. But how would he fair against giant monsters from outside of his world? That’s the topic we’re exploring in this post.
We’ve listed our choices in order of least likely to defeat Godzilla to most likely to topple the King of the Monsters, and have tried to include monsters that would rival him in size.
1. Nancy Archer – Attack of the 50 Foot Woman
At first glance, Archer appears to have no chance at defeating Godzilla in a one-on-one fight. However, though he may have a giant tail to swing during battle, he may have trouble defending himself against Nancy’s devastating swinging purse attack (we kid, we kid).
Truthfully, Nancy’s human flesh wouldn’t stand up to the relentless tearing and scratching of Godzilla’s claws. One well placed swipe and she’d probably bleed out in a matter of minutes. But then again, The King of Monsters vs a scorned woman’s wrath? We’d pay to watch that…
2. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man – Ghostbusters
Much like Godzilla, the Stay Puft mascot relies mainly on his size, girth and sheer strength to aid him in fights. Because he is possessed by the demon Gozer, he’s able to topple buildings and withstand brute-force attacks, thanks in part to his gooey skin, which makes him virtually indestructible.
We say virtually, because everyone knows all you have to do to destroy a marshmallow is set it on fire – and thanks to Godzilla’s fire breath attack, he’ll make short, yummy work of Stay Puft. That wouldn’t keep us from watching the fight with graham crackers and chocolate in our hands ready to make the world’s largest s’mores.
Image Credit: Rabittooth
3. Giant Space Bird – The Giant Claw
Godzilla has faced numerous flying foes during his time – Rodan, Mothra, King Ghidorah – but none have been protected by an anti-matter shield like this unnamed winged-creature from another galaxy. That alone could give this space bird a leg up on Earth’s reptilian protector.
Ironically, the intergalactic fowl’s downfall would be the one characteristic that defines him – the ability to fly. Once Godzilla gets his claws and teeth into those wings, it’s game over and barbecue for lunch. That being said, watching a fight between these two would be very entertaining…and hunger inducing.
4. Leatherback – Pacific Rim
While Leatherback may not be as strong or cunning like his other Kaiju brothers, he is the most violent and managed to take down three Jaegers before finally being defeated. With his thick armored skin, massive mace-like hands and electromagnetic pulse attacks, he would give Godzilla all he could handle and more.
Unfortunately, his EMP attack would only affect Mecha-Godzilla, and having a weak spine would mean the real Godzilla would snap his back quicker than Bane snapped Batman’s. Just because this battle would be over quicker than the Mike Tyson/Michael Spinks fight doesn’t mean we wouldn’t watch it on pay-per-view.
5. King Kong – King Kong
There’s no doubt that the giant primate billed as the “Eighth Wonder of the World,” King Kong, could hold his own in a toe-to-toe brawl with Godzilla. In fact, the two battled once in 1962 with Kong appearing to be the victor as the two tumbled into the ocean. But since Godzilla can breathe underwater, it’s speculated that he simply swam away when the opportunity presented itself.
Water would be the biggest factor in a no-holds barred battle between these two. On land, they may possibly be equals, but in the sea, Godzilla will reign supreme every time. Even though this battle has happened before, the rematch would be on par with the Rocky vs. Apollo fight and that’s not something we are going to miss.
6. Smaug – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
When it comes to conquering mountains and villages, Smaug is the best above all other dragons. With his mighty wing-span, almost impenetrable armor-like scales and gold-melting fire, Smaug the Magnificent is feared by all of mankind and conquers all (four-foot-tall dwarves) who attack him.
However, Godzilla is considerably taller than the Durin Folk of Lonely Mountain and Smaug would no doubt have his wings full trying to defeat him – though it would be an epic battle for the ages and who wouldn’t want to watch that go down?
7. The Kraken – Clash of the Titans
The Kraken is a mythological beast dating back to Greek times and has been depicted as a both a giant squid in Pirates of the Caribbean and a humongous aquatic beast in Clash of the Titans. Obviously, Godzilla would simply enjoy a calamari meal with the first Kraken, but the latter Kraken would put up one heck of a fight.
Both the Kraken and Godzilla are nearly a match when it comes to strength in and out of the water but since the Kraken rarely comes onto land, Godzilla would have the clear advantage by simply dragging him onto shore then stomping a mud hole in his rear end. We’d love to see these two massive creatures duke it out in an arena set up just for them.
8. Unknown – Cloverfield
This unknown, unnamed monster from the ocean’s depths is the only monster on this list to rival Godzilla in pure size. He towers above buildings, moves quickly and strikes erratically, making him a very unpredictable enemy to fight. He also has the advantage of using the parasites attached to his body to help fight.
The only real disadvantage this monster has are his thin, spindly appendages – which Godzilla would most likely snap off like twigs then proceed to use to beat his armless torso senseless. If he can keep that from happening, then MAYBE he stands a chance of winning. Of course, any battle between these two would need to be watched on some old super 8 reels that were found after the fight was over.
9. Ants – Them!
We will admit that at first glance, ants (even the monstrous type) would appear to be no match for a skyscraper-sized beast like Godzilla – he’ll simply just brush them off and mash them under foot. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of standing in a bed of fire ants, then you know how this is much easier said than done.
What gives the ants the clear advantage over Godzilla is their numbers. They would swarm over Godzilla, biting and weighing him down until he either succumbed to their ferocity and died or found a way to blast them all with fire. His best bet would be to jump into a volcano since fire doesn’t hurt him…assuming one is nearby.
10. Adam Szlainski – Honey, I Blew Up the Kid
Before you criticize us for including a two-year-old baby on a list of monsters and fighting, let us be clear that we do NOT support baby UFC. Besides the fact that Adam grows anytime he is near electricity (meaning every time Godzilla would blast him with his electricity-based ray, he would grow like The Hulk), Hollywood very rarely, if ever, hurts or kills very young children.
These two things would be Godzilla’s undoing and ultimate demise. If he attacks Adam he would not only anger a giant two-year-old wearing a full diaper (parents know the fear we’re talking about), but would immediately lose face with the entire planet, and fellow monsters would poke fun at him no matter what.
“Oh hey Godzilla, I heard you beat up a kid?! Way to go tough guy!”
- or -
“Good job Godzilla! Every one on MonsterTube saw you get your butt kicked by a child – A CHILD!”
By even accepting this battle, Godzilla is in a no-win situation. Advantage: Adam.
Clearly, if Godzilla was to do battle with any number of giant robotic adversaries like Ultraman, Gypsy Danger or the Power Rangers’ Megazord, he would be at a severe disadvantage. Even an super-strong organic hide like his would fail under the slash of the Voltron’s Blazing Sword or the breast fire heat beam of Tranzor Z.
What other giant movie monsters would you like to see Godzilla fight and which ones do you think can defeat him?
Follow me on Twitter - @MoviePaul – and give me your best Godzilla roar!