The Final Destination Review

Published 4 years ago by

Short Version: The Final Destination is poorly written, poorly executed, and poorly acted -but still managed to “kill” at the box office on its opening weekend.

the final destination stair The Final Destination Review
Screen Rant’s Paul Young reviews Final Destination

While Vic (Screen Rant head honcho) gets to review all the good movies like Inglourious Basterds, District 9 and even G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, I’m stuck watching I volunteer to watch the movies no one else wants to see. So, when I walked into The Final Destination tonight firmly grasping the my flimsy short straw, I fully expected the worst, planned for no better than OK and hoped for the best.

Guess which one I got?

It’s mostly my fault I suppose.  I had to choose wisely between either The Final Destination or Halloween 2, which is sort of like choosing wisely between a kid to hitting me in the crotch with either a baseball bat or a golf club. But like a good reviewer, I cinched up my petticoat and walked blindly into the awaiting danger, screaming at that kid with the blunt ball-busting instrument:  “COME ON KID! GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT! I CAN TAKE IT!”

Well, it would seem that I can’t take it – and after 80 grueling, boring, predictable minutes, I hobbled out of the theater with a bag of ice strapped to my crotch as the kid ridiculed me, pointing and laughing at my intense displeasure. And much like my flimsy straw, The Final Destination was just as flimsy in plot, characters, FX and ending.

The Final Destination, which is the official title because supposedly “The” implies it’s the last of the quadrilogy, fails with just about every task it sets out to accomplish. I’ll start with the 3D aspect of the film. I’m so tired of the worn out, generic, feeble (NAY, pathetic) attempts of directors today to use 3D technology. Every 3D scene in the movie is predictable and most, if not all, were done in very bad CGI (not G.I. Joe-bad mind, you but still pretty sad). They start out decent enough, with race cars driving into your face but then quickly move to the old stand-by “lookout here comes a flying object towards you so duck like you believe something is actually leaving the screen and going to hit you in the face” routine. In fact, after the race scene, most of the 3D “effects” (and I use that term for lack of a better descriptive word) are objects flying at our faces.

They even throw in the obligatory “CGI champagne cork popping up in the air” scene – and it was about that time I audibly groaned.  At this point, I wondered why they didn’t just have someone stand in front of the camera for twenty minutes pushing a stick in and out at the audience making a “Ohhhhhh” sound to get the most of their 3D budget. (Kid-1 Paul -0)

the final destination crawl The Final Destination Review

I really did enjoy the first two Final Destination films, the third wasn’t so hot, but each of them had the same writer so I figured if he was back for this one then at least the story would be decent. Only time I have ever been more wrong was Spring Break in Key West at a club called Diva’s with a “girl” named Adam.

Eric Bress and Jeffery Reddick are on full cruise control here, giving us characters we absolutely care nothing about, therefore have no vested interest in whether they live or die. The only actor worth mentioning is Mykelti Williamson as the security guard. He is given the funniest scene of the film and some of the best lines but without giving anything away, let’s just say that Mykelti and L.L. Cool J have nothing in common.

For reasons that escaped me, the writers decided to throw in a hefty serving of stereotyping. We’re given two different types of rednecks at the race track, the obnoxious white trash dirt bag with a cute girl and the racist hell-bent on burning a cross in the front yard of the security guard on whom he blames his wife’s death; and to round out the southern stereotype, both rednecks work in the automotive industry, one is a custom car mechanic and the other drives a tow truck and drinks beer.

The girls in the film are drab and unimportant and for the most part written as overly emotional and illogical. I would have preferred to just see them offed early on and been done with it; and the “hero,” if you will, didn’t grab my attention once. Then we get the obnoxious, skirt chasing, frat guy who cares more about getting laid than anything or anyone else around him. His scene at the pool has a healthy dose of female nudity so parents beware if you still for some bizarre reason (too cheap to pop for a babysitter?) consider bringing your young kids to this movie.

*TANGENT* Folks I am by no means telling you how to be parents but I promise you this is not a film for kids – teens maybe, but no way should children see this. I say that because a woman, who I assume was the “cool mom,” walked in with children ranging from 15 down to 8 years old! I’m surprised she didn’t just pass around a Jack Daniels bottle and a doobie. *END TANGENT*

Continue reading The Final Destination review.

Our Rating:

1.5 out of 5
(Poor, A Few Good Parts)

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TAGS: 1 star movies, the final destination

41 Comments

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  1. “The Final Destination, which is the official title because supposedly “The” implies it’s the last of the quadrilogy”

    I heard thats BS and if the movie makes what the studio expects it to make then there will many more to come. Which if you ask me sucks b/c these films are all the same. If you’ve seen the first films, you’ve seen all of them. Anyway good review, Paul.

  2. “I’m surprised she didn’t just pass around a Jack Daniels bottle and a doobie.”

    Wait… are we not supposed to do that to our kids? Because that’s how I was raised…

  3. Damn, what happened to that guy in the first picture? Geez… lol I don’t know why I’m even reading this, I have zero interest in watching this, watched the first one when someone rented it and never saw the rest…

  4. I can’t believe this sucked,,, ;-)

  5. Ken, looks to me like that guy was attacked by leeches during an “alternative therapy” session. Irate 3D leeches. They’re setting up a spinoff even as we speak.

  6. Lol, leaches… How scary, quick someone get some lemonade to pour on them!!! :-D

  7. “LEECHES”

    “THEY WON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER”

    “Coming 2010″

  8. death is coming after you Paul, no one can cheat death but u came out alive

  9. Someone buy this guy a lap dance for sitting through this garbage!

  10. Oh, and wasn’t DJ AM supposed to be in this movie? Dude did survive that crazy plane crash then……. Mr. Death is so cruel.

  11. What are you all TALKING ABOUT???? I thought it was (Mrrrrf…) a really great film (snicker…) experience! I just cant wait to see (Oh…oh gawd….) what happens next in this sensational…(Heh…Heh…HEH…)series, okay?

    Best wishes,

    ROB ZOMBIE

  12. I own the first two but, the third was not as good…I was at least hoping they would bring back the feel of the first two, Like when the girl says, “drop dead” and walks in front of the bus…that was just funny!

  13. hello???? crappy teen drama….does it suck…yes…does it suck money out of undeserving people who have done nothing to
    the studios…yes.

    But on a personal note, i always loved that scene when the kid is at the dentist, and death trys to kill him by choking him with the mobile on the ceiling. That freaked me out a little bit. Mainly cause my dentist had one of those.

  14. When reviews are on 2 pages or more, I usually just read the first page because the reviewer tells you his true feelings early. But Paul, I have to admit, you had me cracking up. I knew the movie was going to be bad (and that’s bad in the BAD way) but not Dragonball bad. It’s a shame that soo many people waste money on crap like this, ensuring that the studio will make more.

  15. I can’t believe this crap made number 1! GEEE MO NETTEE! Well, at least Halloween 2 didn’t make number 2; I guess there is some hope for humanity. :-D

  16. LMAO! I like this review. Very cleverly put.

    I didn’t think it was THAT bad but I did pick it over H2 because, let’s face it…H2 is also SSDD. At least with FD movies you can’t actually SEE the killer being chopped into millions of tiny pieces, thrown into a volcano (18 times) & still come back.

    I will admit that I thought it was kind of cool to see the blood spatters coming at me…

  17. “I’m surprised she didn’t just pass around a Jack Daniels bottle and a doobie.”

    Speaking of stereotypes… pot, kettle, black, anyone?

  18. @Mike E. That would have made the movie A LOT better!

  19. @Tweeb: NOTHING short of total catatonia would have made this film better; if one had their brain removed, they’d at least understand the thought process of the creative staff (MRRRF!) that created the script.

  20. So your saying that watching this movie is like being repeatedly kicked in the groin… I’ll pass!

  21. @Mike E

    “Speaking of stereotypes… pot, kettle, black, anyone?”

    Um, what? You DO know what that phrase means, right?

    Vic

  22. As I get older I find films that focus on nothing but murder and killing demeaning, a waste of time, worthless and damaging to the spirit…

    Such a waste of creative time and talent…

  23. @790

    Funny you should say that because I feel the same way. When I was in my 20s I was really into the slasher films of the time, but now if I go see one it’s like I have to force myself into that younger mindset since that’s the target audience.

    Vic

  24. Even though I enjoyed it, I couldn’t agree more about the storyline, the acting, even how much David Ellis degraded himself far below his…. *achem* “glory days” of FD2 and Snakes on A Plane…. Har har. Okay, now, seriously though… the franchise went from somewhat of a psychological thriller that ran off of mostly shock value up until FD3 came out. I mean the stories and context stuck to the same formula… well, actually kept to the same damn story and did not really take on any twists really. Had the writer been good enough, he could’ve even made the idea of trying to cheat death via attempted suicide into a good story and script within itself; not to mention the millions of true events out there that could’ve been used as better source material. I guess it would’ve been too risky for the studio execs. So yeah, the storyline was so bad that they might as well showed an exec dying from reading such a horrible script… wouldn’t of made much of a difference.
    I walked in knowing it would be this way and I enjoyed the gore as well as the unrealistic situations and to me, the 3D factor is what carried it, like a crutch but nevertheless it was entertaining. If you can throw out the critic in you, you may enjoy it like I did. I mean I never watched Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street,Trilogy of Terror, Faces of Death documentaries, or any cheesy gore fiestas for their storylines. Tell me where they’re showing a 3D movie where a bunch of people die from untimely unfortunate circumstances that we could possibly might very well face everyday and I’m there people! Hell if I ever hear about a FD done that involved a wood chipper accident, I’ll go for that. I’d just have to not get all butt hurt about the lousy storyline it’ll more than likely have. So …. yeah. E#xcuse me I gotta go piss. Thanks for readin’.

  25. LOL. I think the older some people get, they need to slowly work their way out of the horror section…. Ha ha, Just kidding.

  26. “If you’ve seen the first films, you’ve seen all of them.”

    Not true, neither of the other 3 had an escalator incident. When I downlo—- I mean buy the movie on DVD, that’s one scene I’ll fast forward to and replay. Dayum. That would be one screwed up way to die I tell ya.

  27. “What are you all TALKING ABOUT???? I thought it was (Mrrrrf…) a really great film (snicker…) experience! I just cant wait to see (Oh…oh gawd….) what happens next in this sensational…(Heh…Heh…HEH…)series, okay?

    Best wishes,

    ROB ZOMBIE”

    If you are (HEH HEH HEH)who you (snicker) say you are, then I heard from everyone I know to wait until H2 comes out on DVD if even that.
    BTW, some people (not to mention names) needs to grow some balls and tell their wife that they’re gonna stop using their wife in every damn movie he makes…. IMNSHO

    Not a personal attack, just a suggestion.

  28. @ Mark….

    THAT was the BEST part. I’m 37 and i STILL love the gore. I know, shame on me. It’s better than sitting around worrying about the state of the nation.

    Though I prefer a good plot (Blair Witch Project is one of my faves…don’t eat me…that movie had me creeped out for weeks and I’m pretty jaded)over gore but since NONE of that is happening anytime in the near future…It’s all about the element of the surprise of WHEN disaster strikes the victims & how bloody it’s a gonna be. ;)Bring it ON BABY!

  29. The end of BWP was off the hook! It had that element of bloody-well certain uncertainty and blindsidedness because of the camera dropping. We all know in a situation like that where fear makes everyone clench onto everything, there’s only one reason to drop the camera…
    That was genius!
    I like that element. Kind of like talking to a friend, closing your eyes to rub out a metal shard that flew by and opening them up to see your friend split in half or something. I was just thinking of what movie to watch next and I’m due to rewatch that one. It’s been years! Thanks Tweeb

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