If ‘The Expendables’ Were Women

Published 4 years ago by , Updated August 5th, 2014 at 9:45 am, This is a list post.

The Expendables All Female Cast Group Picture The Expendables hit theaters in 2010 in a screen-rattling, action-packed, explosive extravaganza. While The Expendables failed to impress some casual movie audiences and action fans, many thought it was just what the action-doctor ordered. The movie got us thinking... sometimes we tend to forget that there have been a long line of major butt-kicking ladies who not only get the job done, but do it looking sexy as hell. Jane Fonda in Barbarella, Uma Thurman in Kill Bill 1 & 2, Rhona Mitra in Doomsday and Underworld 3 - all these women knew how to whoop some major rear while still being completely feminine. We at Screen Rant thought: “Who would we pick to be on our all female 'Expendables' team?” and let me tell you, I think we came up with a fantastic list. There may not be some of the newer action lady stars like Rosario Dawson (Death Proof), Zoe Bell (Whip It!), Emilie Ullerup (Sanctuary), Summer Glau (Firefly) or Eliza Dushku (Dollhouse) - but only because we wanted to find appropriate (age, popularity, etc.) counterparts to the male actors in The Expendables.

Sigourney Weaver / Sylvester Stallone

Sylvester Stallone in The Expendables When picking a leader for our all-female team there wasn’t any choice other than the woman that epitomized female bad-assery in the 70s, 80, and 90s: The Alien-fighting Ellen Ripley. Even though she’s done all sorts of genres and a slew of other films (including most recently Avatar), Weaver remains the top choice to command an estrogen-heavy commando team.

Milla Jovovich / Jason Statham

Jason Statham in The Expendables To call Milla Jovovich an up-and-coming female action star would be a gross misrepresentation of her career. Starting with The Fifth Element and moving on to the highly successful Resident Evil franchise, Jovovich has proven herself to be a solid and entertaining butt-kicking actress for quite a long time. Nobody I know would question her ability to be Weaver’s right-hand woman. I could easily see her and Weaver being long time friends in a movie.

Michelle Yeoh / Jet Li

Jet Li in The Expendables When looking to replace one of the top martial arts males in the film industry, we didn’t have to look any further than the beautiful Michelle Yeoh. Like Li, Yeoh’s martial arts film experience started back in the 80s with the Hong Kong action films Supercop and Police Story 3 and quickly moved on to be the go-to lady for female martial arts roles. She became an American favorite in the epic Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and once again proved her acting/action prowess in Tomorrow Never Dies and The Mummy 3. Interesting side note, Yeoh was the lady training with the cobra in the recent Karate Kid remake.

Cynthia Rothrock / Dolph Lundgren

If you’re talking about 80s female action stars then you absolutely have to include the beautiful Cynthia Rothrock. 80s action film fans will remember her most from the films Jungle Heat, Rapid Fire, Martial Law and her best known role Lady Dragon. In real life, Rothrock is a true badass and holds six black belts in multiple forms of various martial arts. Just like Lundgren, Rothrock continued to make movies after her heyday but she just never got the attention she deserved due to the changing tastes of fickle movie-going audiences. Still, it would be quite a sight to see her fight Michelle Yeoh in a modern setting.

Vivica A. Fox / Terry Crews

Terry Crews in The Expendables Originally I had picked Zoe Saldana (The Losers) for this role but she’s just way too young to properly replace Crews. Instead, I turned to the “Copperhead” from Kill Bill Vol. 1: Vivica Fox, and then my choice was settled.  Fox has the same ability as Crews to be both a badass and a comedian at the same time. It’s true that she hasn’t been known for her over-the-top action-heavy films but that doesn’t take away from the fact that she is beautiful, sexy and potentially deadly.

Lucy Lawless / Mickey Rourke

Mickey Rourke in The Expendables This decision is really self-explanatory but I’m going to talk about it anyway. There are only a handful of female action characters that people know by name and probably the most well known is Xena: Warrior Princess. Lawless quickly showed that a tall beautiful woman was just as strong and capable of fighting as any male counterpart. Just when fans thought she was done, Lawless moved on to Battlestar Galactica and proved that she still had the action chops to hang with the big boys.

Michelle Rodriguez / Randy Couture

Michelle Rodriguez may not have the true fighting experience of Couture but she more than makes up for it in terms of action films. In just about every action film she has appeared in she is a shining example of a strong female character. The Fast and the Furious, S.W.A.T., BloodRayne and Avatar are great examples of her ability to act tough and kick all sorts of butt.

Angelina Jolie / Steve Austin

Few would argue that the sexy Angelina Jolie doesn’t belong on this list and it’s with good reason that we place her on here as well. She’s a strong actress with a decent staple of actions films under her belt including Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Gone in Sixty Seconds, Beowulf, Wanted and the role she is most well known for Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Even in the upcoming action film Salt, she looks like she belongs in an action role.

Linda Hamilton / Bruce Willis

Bruce Willis in The Expendables Bruce Willis has a very limited role in The Expendables but his face and action films are very well known - and the same thing is true for Linda Hamilton. Her role as Sarah Connor in The Terminator forever solidified her persona as a female badass. If anyone wants to argue that point then I encourage you to watch Terminator 2: Judgment Day as she pumps a shotgun with one arm and blows the hell out of a T-1000.

Brigitte Nielsen / Arnold Schwarzenegger

Who better to represent one of the best known action film stars of all time than the woman that fought alongside both Schwarzenegger and Stallone in the 80s? She played Red Sonja in both Conan and her own movie and also played Ingrid in Stallone’s Cobra. She sort of lost her way in the lesbian-laced Chained Heat II, found her soul mate on VH-1’s the Flavor of Love and rounded out her trifecta of oddness by having plastic surgery on a German reality show. Still, she deserves a spot on our list just for her original action role as Red Sonja.

Pam Grier / Eric Roberts

What Expendables list would be complete without a bad guy? Eric Roberts has played his share of bad guys throughout his long film career - and he did it not only with great martial arts action but some fair acting chops as well. Trying to replace him is a tough order but I think Pam Grier is up to the challenge. She’s best known for her roles in Foxy Brown and Jackie Brown but she also played a badass woman in Women in Cages and Above the Law. Grier would make a great antagonist for our female Expendables.

The Expendables All Female Cast Group Picture Those are our choices for an all-female Expendables crew. Regardless of what you might think of the choices, you have to agree that if done right, a movie in this vein would be absolutely phenomenal to watch on the big screen. It would make for an interesting storyline for a future Expendables movie. If you would like to have the All Female Expendables Team pic as a wallpaper we have it available in the following sizes:

1024x768 - 1280x960 - 1600x1200

Who would you add to our list and who would take out? The Expendables blasts onto screens August 13th, 2010.
TAGS: the expendables

189 Comments

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  1. Maybe they could go up against a corrupt Appliance Company owner as he is making appliances that strip the women of their true responsibilities…

    PLEASE IT IS JUST A JOKE!!! Come on you smiled a little…. :D

    • Ha-ha! As a woman who likes to cook – - this is hilarious!

      • Oh man, you guys are in troooooouble! :-)

  2. we all know Li would MURDER rothrock in fight

  3. I thought Hilary Swank might have made it for Million Dollar Baby. Well she wasn’t a real a$$ kicker but she was in amazing shape. You can’t get in better shape than that! Maybe an honorable mention?

    • And don’t forget The Next Karate Kid!

  4. wow, y’all dug deep for the pam grier/eric roberts pics.

    • LOL… the Roberts pic is priceless.

  5. HA! HA1 I brought this subject up last week and you guys pooh poohed me over it .lol now who is laughing! ME!!!LMAO!!

  6. aknot!! You are a pure pork product !! As woman i can probably out do you bith athletically,as well as endurance wise not mention intellect..Your statement smells of male chauvinism..How blatantly male egoists youare!!

    • /sigh

      I see humor is beyond you. Thats ok. YOu can think what you like it is your right.

      I do take offense to pork as I do not have anything to do with pork. However I wont hold that against you as you dont know.

      Egotistic I think is the word you were looking for? So I guess that intellect part might be falling a bit behind. Unless of course English is not your first language then again I understand.

      However im up to a bit of a challenge. Since I am so subpar then you are please feel free to let me know when you are in the metro DC area and I will try to hobble my prior service unathletic body there to meet you.

      Also I got no issue with a woman beating me.. as long as she uses the right instrument.

      (im saying this all jokingly again. If you come back not joking I will not respond. Hard to tell on the webs)

  7. Ugh I wouldn’t watch that POS movie lol talk about crappy films.

    I hope the expendables is good I really want to see it. I wouldn’t even be interested if it was like this though.

    I can’t believe i have choose between it and Scott Pilgram.

  8. Yea was surprised that she wasn;t mentioned or Chyna i feel would be female version of Arnie..lol

    • Or in place of Austin, what with both of them of WWE lineage!

  9. Wow it never stops amazing me how many people can’t take really obvious jokes. Aknot even said it was a joke in a post. That’s the great thing about my GF she knows what kind of guy I am I can make all jokes I want she knows it’s nit who I really am. She makes sexists jokes about men and I make them about women we laugh and go about our day. Especially since both of us are pretty far from the sterotypes. She doesn’t like making sandwhiches and I couldn’t fix a car if my life dependant.

  10. Damn, what a spot-on casting call:) This made my day…don’t want to see this movie but this really made me laugh. Well done Paul!!

  11. You have to realize A Knit ath males are not the only breed in this forum ..and your comment was chauvinistic whether you think funny or not.. a lot guys think we belong barefoot at home..that knuckle dragging thinking sadly is still around..You couldn’t deal with Dy like mine i am single mom with baby less than year i get up at 4 am if i sleep at all get my child all ready and i take my baby to work with me ..lucky fir me i cam do ath.my work day sometimes exceeds 11 hours and then i go home and take care of my kid.and all by myself ..o yea your comment i took great offence to so no i not apologize for your porkish remark..it was ill humored at best..Kind of sounds like something Al Bundy would say ..lol

    • Rogue,

      Did you see what I wrote right after it? I even put it in Caps. However its no biggie. I stand by my joke if you do not like it thats fine however I did not direct it AT you. I would appreciate it if you do the same in the future with responses to me.

      The only breed in this forum are “humans” by the way, my avatars names is Aknot, and what is a Dy?

    • rogue-x,

      Guys are dumb. They like to stare at boobs.

      Even?

      :-P

      Vic

      • >.< Im a "butt" man myself…. ;)

        Scary thing is (shhhhhh Daniel "agreeing with me… ;) )

        Sorry I will stop and try to be a little more sensitive in the future.

        And im off to the kitchen to finish dinner…

      • I’m a boobs man myself, but not big boobs, weird right?? :-P

  12. > Yeoh was the lady training with the cobra in the recent Karate Kid remake.

    Just let you know that Michelle Yeoh is not in The Karate Kid.

  13. Michelle Rodriguez was also Ana Lucia on Lost as an ass kicking New York cop and the leader of the Tail Survivors.

  14. Really? So you didn’t like 300? Was it because you didn’t like Gerard Butler or the testosterone level wasn’t high enough for you?

    I wonder what you’ll think of Coriolanus when it makes it to the big screen? (You may not like it since Gerard Butler will be in it.)

    • That comment had nothing to do with 300 but rather how Butler sullies his action name by trying to appeal to the droning masses with a bad romance-comedy. I do happen to like Butler, I just wish he would stick to action films.

      • I think I liked him best in “RocknRolla.”

        • lol that was a great movie jessie!

  15. Im a boob and but man myself lol! Anyways,if they do a second it should be with these chicks:) then in the third they could all meet up. Now that would be sooooo cool:)!!!!

  16. all of them are cool, however Pam Grier is way older than the male crew especially the female crew..also she’d need to lose about 100+ pounds and a have a workout regimen that equals that of Tom Hardy’s when he trained for “Bronson”…I do agree with the Chyna not being in there..about 3 of the men stars are ex-wrestlers..also The Rock and Van DAmme should be in the next one-why they aren’t in the new one is stupid..also what about Catherine Zeta Jones??or Ellen Barkin?? have you seen the trailer for Operation:Endgame??way too cool..also I like Terry Crews but what action flicks has he been in??Ving Rhames would’ve been better..
    also Charlize Theron…she was Mystique!!

    • Someone may have already pointed this out but Charlize Theron was not Mystic. Rebecca Romjin was. Charlize was Aeon Flux (which was horrible-BTW). Catherine Zeta Jones? No way. Action is not for her & Zorro does not count. She’s pretty though.

  17. forget Expendables with women,
    where’s the Brokeback Mountain sequel starring Johansson and Saldana??!

  18. Take out Michelle Rodriguez and put in Jennifer Garner (Alias, Elektra) and the line up is perfect. If we can add one more, Uma Thurman (Kill Bill).

  19. I was going to suggest someone…. had to google her and then found out she was already listed…

    Cynthia Rothrock

    WOW talk about looking different… I didn’t recognize her from what I remember:

    http://home.claranet.de/uwe.peterson/private/moviefaces/actress/r/cynthiarothrock.jpg

  20. This might be a little far fetched but what about Hit girl? She’s not a woman but she can deffinately KICK ASS!

  21. You could probably replace Vivica with Jada Pinkett Smith (The Matrix Reloaded, Demon Knight, Set it Off) or Halle Berry (X-Men, Catwoman, Die Another Day) if you wanted a more action-oriented actress.

  22. I like all the choices except for Jolie *barf*

    • Even if you don’t like Jolie, you definitely cannot have a movie like this without her in it.

  23. These chicks could kick the guy’s booty anytime. I love the picture of Ripley verses Rambo! It would be a dream come true action movie if all these girls were in a movie together :)

    Plus, Linda Hamilton was incredible in Terminator movies, esp T.2 where her muscles were to die for and what’s wrong with Jolie, I’d watch her movie before Jen’s any time of the week. Jolie kicks it!

  24. I love the entire thing (seriously, the ENTIRE faux cast) except Angelina Jolie. Replace her with Jennifer Garner and I’m set. I love Michelle Rodriguez and Milla Jovovich!!!

  25. Ok. Now do “What if The Expendables were breeds of dogs”?

  26. This feature is amazing, and I’m not just saying that because I’m a chick. This was fantastic!!! Extra points for including Cynthia Rothrock.

  27. Ok who forgot Katee Sackhoff???

    Starbuck/Dana Walsh!

    :-)

  28. Only one woman ever made a good action hero and that was the six foot Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight. The thing with the men in the Expendables is that even the small ones like Li would be a threat in real life whereas amongst those women only Rothrock is tough, the physical prowess of the others is pure fantasy.

  29. At the risk of being political, if the Expendables were women they wouldn’t be expendable, they’d be kept nice and safe at home or behind the front lines, just like in Iraq.

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