The news this week that Universal plans to remake the painfully awful 80’s disaster, Drop Dead Fred, shocks the imagination into envisioning what other horrible cinematic outings of two decades ago we’ll have to sit through in coming years.
The impressively unfunny Russell Brand will star in Fred, a dark “imaginary friend” comedy for adults. The original made no money and was roundly struck off during its theatrical run. But, everything pastel and techno-pop is new again in a movie industry seemingly devoid of the huevos necessary to make something original. It seems the studios are dead set on remaking every story set to celluloid while Ronald Reagan was president.
So, it’s inevitable that they’ll run through the lists of decent 80s movies and decide to crank out more remakes of the decade’s embarrassments. Here we’ve included five such choices, and we fully expect all of them to surface on the front page of “the trades” soon enough. These are not official announcements, but only Screen Rant predictions — just as Nostradamus predicted the Black Death and Hitler.
1. Cannonball Run: Instead of the aging Rat Pack mixing with Burt Reynolds’ crew, you’re going to end up with the Will Farrell clique racing cross-country against Seth Rogan and company with Judd Apatow directing. Throw in cameos by Kevin Smith and Super Dave Osbourne, and it’s a wonder this isn’t in production right now.
2. 976-EVIL: As the only 80s horror franchise not assaulted by Rob Zombie, this phone-themed demonic possession vehicle could update itself with a satanic iPhone app that causes anyone who uses it to become a slightly more pretentious knob than every other iPhone owner.
3. Ernest Goes to Camp: Just recast the late Jim Varney and you have a series of hits here. But, we may have to remove this from the list as it’s possible the Larry the Cable Guy franchise is more or less feeding this hunger.
4. Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo: No, they’re not even going to bother remaking the original Breakin’. They’ll skip right over it because the only part of either film anyone remembers is the back end of this movie’s title.
5. My Dinner with Andre: The only difference for the remake of this insufferable pile of self-important navel gazing disguised as a movie will be casting. The new faces wasting a couple of hours of film by yacking over dinner? A resurgent Vin Diesel and a wise-cracking CGI marmoset voiced by Dane Cook.