It’s no secret that the Internet is dark and full of fan theories, especially when it comes to cartoons like SpongeBob SquarePants. As kids, we often take out favorite cartoons at face value, but with age comes wisdom. We now make it our duty to uncover the truth of what the animators were really trying to tell us, even if it ruins our fragile childhoods in the process.

Adult jokes and connections that went over our heads as children and teens suddenly jump out at us like a pair of animated eyeballs. Or, it could just be that our perverted, demented minds are projecting, causing us to see what we secretly want to see. Nevertheless, there are some real doozies out there about SpongeBob and his fellow Bikini Bottom residents.

Some try to explain the origins of Bikini Bottom itself, why the characters are the way they are, or make connections between things that appear unrelated (at least at first). But these aren’t your run of the mill, happily chasing jellyfish into the sunset theories—these come from the darkest recesses of the human imagination. So, let’s dive right in and visit our friend who lives in a pineapple under the sea. Feast your eyes on the 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories on the Internet.

15. The main characters are all Marxist symbols

Spongebob Squarepants Marxist Exploitation of Labor 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

When is a kid’s show ever really a kid’s show, especially when all the characters so perfectly exemplify the theories of Marxism? That’s right comrades. According to Reddit user, BendOverAndSpreadIt, SpongeBob and friends are symbols of Marxist philosophy.

Mr. Krabs represents the bourgeoisie business owner, who will do anything for a profit, including exploit his workers. Squidward and SpongeBob are members of the proletariat, although one is clearly class conscious while the other is not. As such, SpongeBob’s blind obedience to authority makes him hope for a straight path to the bourgeoisie, taking over the Krusty Krab from Mr. Krab when he retires.

Meanwhile, Squidward attempts to unionize, going on strike and riling up the masses. Amazingly, all the other characters fit into this analysis of the evils of capitalism, making us wonder if series creator Stephen Hillenberg has had a communist agenda all along.

14. The main characters represent the 7 Deadly Sins

Spongebob Squarepants Characters Seven Deadly Sins 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

A somewhat well known fan theory suggests that all of SpongeBob‘s main characters represent the Seven Deadly Sins in Christianity. Gluttony belongs to Gary the Snail, a bottom feeder who never stops eating. Lust could either refer to SpongeBob, who’s obsessed with getting a driver’s license, or Pearl, who’s boy crazy. Greed is clearly Mr. Krabs, who once sold SpongeBob’s soul for sixty-two cents.

No one is lazier than Patrick, who makes Sloth a lifestyle to aspire to. Wrath should probably be Squidward’s middle name, since he hates SpongeBob and Patrick so much. Plankton envies the success of Mr. Krabs and is always trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula, and, of course, pride plays out in Sandy, who thinks she’s hot stuff being from Texas and all.

While it seems unlikely that any of these associations were conscious, it’s still a pretty dark take on SpongeBob’s characters and their subliminal influence on children.

13. SpongeBob is a tampon and Patrick is a butthole

 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

Cracked has a particularly hilarious explanation of just how perfect this theory actually is. Basically, it uncovers the fact that pretty much everyone’s name refers to something related to a woman’s nether regions.

First of all, SpongeBob lives in Bikini Bottom, where it’s constantly wet (we’ll stop right there). He’s a sponge with super absorbency, a quality that’s often advertised on tampon boxes. His best friend is a starfish (slang for butthole) who loves chocolate (gross!) and smells bad when he thinks (eww!).

Then there’s Sandy Cheeks (which often happens to a bikini bottom) and Mr. Krabs—an affectionate name for pubic lice. While the name Gary doesn’t invoke any dirty thoughts, it could be a pet name for a vagina. After all, the underside of a sea snail often looks a little questionable, and Gary does meow like a you know what-cat. It’s all pretty fascinating/disgusting when you stop to think about it.

12. Bikini Bottom is a result of nuclear testing

Bikini Bottom Nuclear Site Spongebob Squarepants  15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

One of the most frequently mentioned SpongeBob fan theories states that Bikini Bottom resides under Bikini Atoll, a coral reef in the Marshall Islands, where the United States did a fair share of nuclear nesting in the ’40s and ’50s. Supposedly, Nickelodeon acknowledged the connection at some point, but no mention of Bikini Atoll appears on their website any longer.

While SpongeBob’s voice actor, Tom Kenny, has said that Bikini Bottom was kind of named after Bikini Atoll, he doesn’t believe the rest of the theory: that the residents are all mutations due to nuclear radiation. However, it sure would explain how weird everyone is (and the fact that they can talk at all), especially considering the government compiled data on the effects of radiation on underseas wildlife following the nuclear testings at Bikini Atoll.

11. Spongebob is about pre-WWII Germany

Spongebob and Patrick at WWII in the Spongebob Movie 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

Another disturbing fan theory puts SpongeBob in pre-WWII Germany, before the rise of Hitler and the Nazis. In this scenario, Squidward represents Hitler—fed up with Germany’s inferiority complex after WWI. Squidward’s dream in the “Squidville” episode is to live among his kind, where sponges and starfish are not welcome. SpongeBob represents the Jews and Patrick represents the average German citizen who has become complacent and resigned to their own fate.

Although he doesn’t go on to organize a systematic extermination of an entire race, Squidward is an excellent public speaker—as seen in “Squid on Strike”—who can rile up his fellow Bikini Bottomites. We’ll admit it’s a bit of a stretch for a kid’s show, but since creator Stephen Hillenburg does seem to have German heritage (or at least a German last name), maybe he actually did insert some historical significance subconsciously.

10. Spongebob and his friends are all on drugs

Spongebob Squarepants on Drugs 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

This theory’s not too much of a stretch, considering some of the animators were probably on drugs when they were coming up with stuff on SpongeBob. There are a few characters that seem like they could definitely have some sort of drug addiction.

For one, there’s SpongeBob—always bouncing off the walls, has a crazy imagination, loves blowing bubbles and catching jellyfish. He’s clearly on some kind of hallucinogenic all the time, like shrooms or acid. Squidward, on the other hand, must be into heroin or another downer. He’s super moody, avoids eye contact, and would rather play music than deal with people.

Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff are the neurotic cocaine users who are super intense and on edge. One’s constantly paranoid about his money and the other about SpongeBob crashing her boat. Then, of course, there’s Patrick—a classic stoner archetype if ever there was one. He’s laid back, loves doing nothing, and constantly has the munchies. Maybe in another ten years, they could have a SpongeBob reunion on Celebrity Rehab. Hey, it could happen.

9. Squidward’s penis is literally on his face

Squidwards Nose on Spongebobs Face 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

Although most people consider Squidward a squid, (for obvious reasons) he’s actually an octopus, according to Stephen Hillenburg. Either way, he’s classified as a cephalopod, distinctive because of their bulbous heads and many tentacles. However, Squidward has another defining feature that seems a little out of place: his nose. Well, one Reddit user theorized that Squidward’s nose was actually his penis, hence why he never felt the need to wear pants—despite most other characters on the show doing so.

Reddit user, HeronSun, then went on to explain how when watching an epsiode of WildBoyz on MTV, he discovered that squids (and octopi) have their reproductive organs in their head, very near to their beak. Hence Squidward’s “beak” is actually his penis, which actually makes sense because he’s such a d***head to begin with.

8. Mr. Krabs is a cannibal

Mr Krabs Eating a Krabby Patty 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

You know how Mr. Krabs has his formula for the Krabby Patty under lock and key? Well there may be more to his reasoning than just trying to prevent Plankton from getting his dirty little hands on the recipe. In fact, the ingredients might actually be more of a problem than the fact that everyone’s seemingly addicted to Krabby Patties in Bikini Bottom.

What if Krabby Patties were made from actual crabs? Think about it. The only other crab we ever see on the show are Mr. Krabs and his mother, with the occasional out-of-town crab. So, where are the rest of them? In the patties! One Twitter user, @youndaliis, pointed out that “every menu item has the key ingredient in the name.” That makes Mr. Krabs a cannibal! Now we’re just wondering what the Sailors Surprise is…

7. Squidward actually died in the “SB-129″ episode

Squidward Dead Frozen in Ice Spongebob Squarepants 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

Squidward has apparently been dead for nearly nineteen years in our world, at least according to a SpongeBob fan theory on Reddit. In an episode called “SB-129” from the very first season of SpongeBob SquarePants, Squidward accidentally gets frozen for 2000 years, finds a time machine, and gets transported to a place known only as “nowhere.” Unfortunately, in the process of finding himself in “nowhere,” the time machine malfunctions. “Nowhere” actually becomes somewhere—at least according to this theory.

Redditor objectiveinsight posits that Squidward actually died when the time machine went haywire and that the “nowhere” was Purgatory, the waiting room of the afterlife. So in effect, the Squidward from the first season was replaced with another Squidward when he wishes for the time machine to take him back to his own time. It’s almost the same concept as the transporters from Star Trek, which essentially destroy a person and then put their energy pattern back together again. Creepy.

6. The photo in Patrick’s Secret Box was taken at the party from “Donut of Shame”

Patrick Looking at Spongebobs Photo From Secret Box 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

Okay, this theory seems a little confusing, so stay with us. It’s theorized that two separate episodes, “The Donut of Shame” and “The Secret Box,” are connected. In the first episode, Patrick awakens in SpongeBob’s kitchen after having passed out on the ceiling, where the two had clearly been partying the night before. Needless to say, most people wouldn’t want photographic evidence of themselves in such a state.

However, it’s very possible that Patrick had exactly that in his secret box. SpongeBob spends almost the entire “Secret Box” episode trying to find out what Patrick keeps in there, only to get fooled into thinking it’s just a piece of string. But, once Patrick is alone again, he pulls the string to reveal a secret compartment where he’s kept an embarrassing photo of SpongeBob from a party.

Other than to laugh at how ridiculously drunk SpongeBob must have been, why would Patrick keep a photo like that unless he intended to use it as blackmail in the future? It’s a pretty adult concept, but we wouldn’t put it past the guy who was also the creative director of Rocko’s Modern Life.

5. The “Karate Choppers” episode is a metaphor for sex

Sandy and Spongebob Karate Metaphor For Sex 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

Chalk it up to having a dirty mind, but this theory seems pretty legit. There’s an episode called “Karate Choppers” from season one of SpongeBob, where he and Sandy become obsessed with doing karate. The fan theory basically suggests that you replace every instance of karate with the word ‘sex.’  Allow us to demonstrate.

SpongeBob looks around for Sandy because he wants to do karate with her. She’s not there so he settles in to watch some TV—only Sandy sneaks up on him and starts engaging him in some karate. Later that night, SpongeBob tries to do phone karate with Sandy over the phone, but she blows him off. They then proceed to do karate in public places like the supermarket and outdoors. SpongeBob becomes so distracted with his obsession for karate, he can’t even focus at work. As you can see, there might be something to this theory…

4. SpongeBob is dead or an amnesiac after season 3

Spongebob Squarepants Screaming 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

In order to explain SpongeBob’s personality change, starting in the fourth season, fans proposed that SpongeBob actually died for real in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie after he and Patrick dried up from being out of water for too long. Since sponges are asexual, SpongeBob could have made a new SpongeBob, which would explain why he was so ridiculously dumb from season four onward. He was basically a child all over again.

Then there are those that claim SpongeBob actually had amnesia starting with the episode “Squilliam Returns” in season three. In this episode, Squidward tells Spongebob to clear his mind of everything but fine dining and breathing—leaving him with no personality—hence why he seems so stupid from season four onward.

While both theories seem somewhat plausible, the change in SpongeBob’s personality was probably due to the fact that Stephen Hillenburg left the show around that time. Just a thought.

3. Each main character has a different mental illness

 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

At some point, you have to wonder if people are just looking for something to legitimize their own issues. Granted, there’s nothing wrong with seeing yourself in a fictional character, especially if it helps you deal with trauma, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Nevertheless, there are those who claim that many of the SpongeBob SquarePants characters have a mental illness. SpongeBob has a neurotic or anxiety disorder; Patrick is bipolar; Squidward is a narcissist; Plankton is a sociopath; and Mr. Krabs is a covetous psychopath.

While they certainly have a lot of the warning signs and traits attributed to these disorders, they’re not human, and therefore, a true diagnosis would be impossible. As such, we can only speculate, but keep in mind that they’re cartoon characters, and are a little bit crazy by their very nature.

2. SpongeBob is gay and a threat to children in Ukraine

Spongebob Squarepants Rainbow Gay 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

While most of these ridiculous fan theories are all in good fun, there’s one that stands out as particularly disturbing. In Ukraine, a religiously-affiliated organization called The National Commission for the Defense of Morals (which is like our Parents Television Council), deemed SpongeBob as a threat to children. Basically, a supposed “psychologist” believed the content in the cartoon would turn kids into criminals and perverts because it promotes homosexuality.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time SpongeBob was attacking for being “pro-homosexual,” despite Stephen Hillenburg pointing out that sponges are asexual. In 2005, an American conservative Christian organization, called Focus on Family, called SpongeBob “insidious” after he and other cartoon characters were featured in a video promoting tolerance of different cultures and identities. In fact, The New York Post found five different controversies in the last fifteen years where SpongeBob came under fire for offending someone or another. It’s just a cartoon, people!

1. Krabby Patties are made from the meat of Pearl’s mother (and she’s next)

Pearl and Mr Krabs Spongebob Squarepants 15 Darkest SpongeBob Fan Theories

Fans love theorizing what’s really in Mr. Krabs’ Krabby Patties, but this is one of the darkest SpongeBob fan theories we’ve ever come across. On Reddit, a theory emerged hypothesizing who Pearl’s mother was and what’s in the Krusty Krab’s most popular menu item. According to this dark slice of internet, Mr. Krabs must have come across a dying whale and adopted its daughter as his own.

While it seems as if he did a noble need, in actuality, he’s been using the whale meat from Pearl’s mother to create his ‘Krabby’ patties. And, while a sperm whale can easily weigh over 100,000 lbs. (equaling a heck of a lot of Krabby Patties), eventually, that supply will run out. That’s where Pearl comes in.

According to that sick, sick Redditor, “Once his ‘daughter’ is fully grown, she’s going to ‘go off to college,’ when in actuality she is going to be butchered, cooked, and served up by a mentally disabled sponge and a depressed squid.” Heartwarming, isn’t it?

Do you know of any more dark fan theories surrounding Spongebob Squarepants? Let us know in the comments.

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