Screen Rant’s Ben Kendrick reviews Chernobyl Diaries
At first glance, many moviegoers will assume that Chernobyl Diaries is just the latest entry in the found-footage genre – considering the film’s trailer is chock-full of awkward shaky cam footage (the movie is also based on a story by Oren Peli, creator of the Paranormal Activity franchise). Despite Peli’s involvement as creator and producer (Bradley Parker directs), Chernobyl Diaries is actually a much more standard horror project – featuring known actors (including musician Jesse McCartney as well as Jonathan Sadowski from S#*! My Dad Says) and an omniscient camera that follows a group of friends as they enter a restricted area and subsequently get picked off one at a time by mysterious inhabitants.
Without the found footage craze to fall back on, does the eerie Chernobyl backdrop and Peli-conceived story, coupled with the choice of shaky cam footage, make Chernobyl Diaries a memorable horror outing?
Unfortunately, Chernobyl Diaries is caught in an unsatisfying middle ground between traditional horror tropes and (as alluded to earlier) a number of filmmaking choices borrowed from Peli’s found footage repertoire. As mentioned, the film is not a found footage project, but it has all of that genre’s shortcomings (shaky camera work and an underdeveloped overarching plot to name a few) which essentially undercut any potential enjoyment that could have been derived from the admittedly engrossing setting and premise. While a certain batch of moviegoers might enjoy the film’s frantic shooting style, many audiences will recognize the shaky cam for what it actually is – an excuse to ratchet up tension in an otherwise thin and underwhelming trip through increasingly dark corridors.
Olivia Taylor Dudley, Dimitri Diatchenko, and Chernobyl
The initial story foundation is pretty basic: a group of American tourists – Chris (McCartney), Natalie (Olivia Taylor Dudley), Amanda (Devin Kelley) and Paul (Sadowski) – sign-up for an “extreme tourism” adventure to Pripyat, a Ukrainian city that was built to house Chernobyl nuclear power plant employees (also featured in the first act of Transformers: Dark of the Moon). Long abandoned, following the catastrophic nuclear accident at Chernobyl, the city has been reclaimed by nature – following the exodus of nearly 50,000 evacuees who were forced to leave their homes at a moment’s notice. When the tourists first arrive at the site – along with tour guide Uri (Dimitri Diatchenko) and a backpacking couple, Michael (Nathan Phillips) and Zoe (Ingrid Bolsø Berdal) – the group is turned away at a checkpoint by military officials. Undeterred, Uri finds a back way into Pripyat – and the tourists spend the day exploring the post-apocalyptic compound. However, when it’s time to leave, Uri’s van fails to start and the group is thrust into a life-or-death struggle for survival against wild animals and a mysterious presence that moves among the irradiated ruins.
The early moments of the film (establishing the various character dynamics) are pretty stilted (as are the performances throughout) but once the group arrives at Pripyat, it’s easy to get engrossed in the setting – as the abandoned city (which was actually shot on location) offers a creepy but extremely fascinating backdrop for the on-screen drama. That said, as the “horror” elements are pushed to the fore, the film mostly abandons the bizarre on-site visuals (such as a rusted ferris wheel and parking lot full of corroded vehicles) in favor of dark underground hallways. Coupled with the shaky cam footage, the filmmakers essentially strip away the one aspect that made the film stand out from similar horror offerings – and the experience devolves into a frustrating and nauseating mess that fails to deliver a satisfying payoff (neither in terms of narrative beats or “creature” reveals).
At nearly every turn, Chernobyl Diaries presents story ideas and reveals in order to get a reaction out of the audience – not because any of them tie together or make sense by the time the credits roll. While “character development” is hardly a concern in the film, most audiences will find the various decisions and actions taken by the characters to be especially hard to swallow, or at the very least, obviously motivated by the filmmaker’s effort to push the group further and deeper into the belly of Pripyat – instead of as far away from danger as possible. Moviegoers expect to suspend a certain amount of disbelief while in a theater, especially in the horror genre, but aside from the compelling setting, Chernobyl Diaries presents one formulaic set-piece after another – always prioritizing spooky set-ups over telling a fully-formed story (which becomes increasingly hard to swallow in the third act). As a result, the strung-together series of scares fails to provide compelling answers to the Pripyat mystery as well as entirely forgoes a satisfying closure to more than one key character.
Devin Kelley as Amanda in 'Chernobyl Diaries'
Considering there’s no “character” behind the film’s wobbly camera, as the story progresses and the mystery begins to unravel, it becomes painfully obvious that the shaky cam work is being used to compensate for what could be one of the least compelling and underdeveloped “horror” reveals of all time. By flailing the camera around, the film manages to stretch out a pretty boring (and completely unearned) idea that, had Chernobyl Diaries been shot with a steady cam instead, would have otherwise had audiences rolling their eyes in the second act.
All of these missteps could be forgivable if the film delivered entertaining scares or tense encounters, but other than a few traditional “what’s under that sheet” scenes of “horror,” there are very few surprises or intriguing developments to justify the poorly realized filmmaking ideas. It’s too bad because, in the hands of a more ambitious team of moviemakers, Peli’s core idea could have been stretched into an extremely interesting mystery drama. Instead, as each layer of the “horror” is pulled back, the Chernobyl Diaries experience is less and less captivating – all while becoming increasingly convoluted.
By the end, Chernobyl Diaries presents a mismatched effort that was working with some intriguing core elements (namely the location and primary, albeit underdeveloped, storyline) – which are undermined by the film’s unsatisfying cinematography and reliance on worn-out recreations of familiar horror set-ups. That said, if there’s one thing the film does right (note: it’s not the horror), it’s that Chernobyl Diaries will likely fascinate viewers with the real life Pripyat story – hopefully resulting in an increased viewership for a number of documentaries that have explored the abandoned city in greater detail.
If you’re still on the fence about Chernobyl Diaries, check out the trailer below:
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Let us know what you thought of the film in the comment section below.
Follow me on Twitter @benkendrick for future reviews, as well as movie, TV, and gaming news.
Chernobyl Diaries is rated R for violence, some bloody images and pervasive language. Now playing in theaters.
Our Rating:
1.5 out of 5
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i see that coming , this kind of movie has to be done well or is going to suck always
Ben, confirm or deny- If the villain in this movie actually turned out to be mutant bears it would have been a HELLUVA lot better than what it turned out to be..which you never get a real good look at besides the last 4 seconds of the film that is supposed to make you become so overwhelmed with fear you just cant go on with your day.
Another thing, It’s not found footage..so why did they insist on calling it the Chernobyl DIARIES why not just Chernobyl or THE REACTORS HAVE PULSES.
Thinking about starting a website devoted to all the complaints i had with this movie..ughhhh
Mutant Bears would have been far superior for sure. Missed opportunity – or we could always write that one!
How many times are you gonna say “that said” in your article??
Every single person who writes articles nowadays think that’s an excellent transition word/phrase but in fact, itis boring, bland and alrady cliched. (sorry, no accentuation mark on my keyboard that I know of).
Here’s an idea: However, although, but, in contrast, regardless (irregardless) to name just a few. The only guy on this site who reuses phrases more than you is Kofi Outlaw, who put 7 ‘brilliant’(s) in one article! So comparatively, you’re half-way there!
I have a better question, why does everyone feel the need to try to “PWN” the writers?? Get over it.
I have a better question than that. What does “PWN” even mean?
I have a better question. Why haven’t you seen this amazing movie? Go now dude!!
I am using this article to show bad (over)use of transitions for my writing class and how to use various transitions instead. I also use Kofi’s articles to point out overuse of adjectives and how to use variety instead. So if you think about it, you are actually good teachers to show what NOT to do. Of course, there’s always Yahoo, which is in a class all by itself.
and Shacasha, who is in a basement all by himself.
I’m in an attic..that said, you’re a miserable person. Do your thing
@Realist
First of all: Scary that you are a teacher.
Second of all: I believe I addressed the INTENTIONAL use of the word “brilliant” in the article you are referencing. So make sure you teach your students about how their teacher is oblivious to wordplay humor in written works.
Third: We’re just going to ban your ass in about a minute. I’m so sick of you attacking us left and right. You think we suck? Email Vic, join the squad, and start writing quality articles to show us idiots how it is done. Put up, or SHUT THE F UP.
@Kofi
I never called you guys ‘idiots’, or any slurs at all. Nor have I ever posted something like Habbo, over there. My language has remained clean and critical.
Scary that I’m a teacher? Maybe. But scary that you’re a writer on a public site telling people to “SHUT THE F UP”.
Curious that your site is about critique yet you can’t stand being critiqued.
Shuffle around some words. Synonyms. Try to be original. You’ll stand out more. Don’t put spoilers in a review unless it says “spoilers”. Don’t curse out people on your site, even though the average teenager here revels in that kind of immaturity, you don’t have to. Be classy.
Moviehole.net never acts like that. I’m jussayin’.
realist,
Look around at our competitors and I’ll bet you’ll see that we are one of the better-written movie sites around. In regards to Moviehole, I know Clint, who runs that site – great guy. But I can tell you that while he’ll get 4 comments on an article, we’ll get 200 – and we get our fair share of trolls looking for a fight. So when we post a thoughtful review and someone completely ignores what we had to say about the film and laser focuses on too much use of “that said” (seriously?) then we consider that someone is just nitpicking and it’s sour grapes.
Our editors do a TON of writing their own, and editing of others’ posts every day, and not just on this site. I strive for magazine-quality writing but sometimes we miss the mark due to time constraints.
While I am personally a stickler for grammar and spelling myself, I can tell you I went over Ben’s review and his use of “that said” didn’t trigger any sort of “man, he’s used that a LOT in this review.” At all.
Regards,
Vic – Owner ScreenRant.com
Realist -
Thanks for the feedback. That said, I think I’ll stick with focusing my energy on attempting to write useful reviews for readers who are making decisions about whether or not to see a movie.
Admittedly, I may use that transition a lot but, if you really are a teacher, I’d hope you’re better at giving constructive criticism when you deal with your students. Instead of trolling them.
Brilliant
What type of creature are you?
Realist,
You are beginning to sound like you suffer from a personality disorder. Is it all about you? Why do you feel the need to publicise your complaints rather than simply teaching your students proper grammar? I find it interesting that you seem content after getting everyone’s attention.
Can’t ya do both? Write great articles and also have proper grammar and spelling? I know it sounds like nitpicking but there is just sooooo much poor spelling out there…maybe it’s just a byproduct of getting “instant” news on the Internet anymore unfortunately. I personally hate it when professional “articles” sound more like user comments.
Regardless, I visit Screenrant every day for the news and articles. Keep up the great work with the scoops!
Who said anything about poor spelling and grammar? There’s nothing incorrect about using the phrase “That said.” Realist’s complaint was that I use that phrase too much.
As Vic mentioned, we strive for magazine-quality writing – and there weren’t any typos or grammatical problems with the review. Only one complaint about the repeated use of the phrase “that said.” So, in my opinion we do in fact do both. I just meant that my focus was on writing up clear and concise reviews – not worrying about whether or not there was some redundant phrasing here and there.
Typos definitely happen here and there – because of the speed at which we publish news but I’d argue we are one of the better sites on the internet when it comes to the actual quality of the writing
@Lord Bloodraven, i guess you are trying to be ironic? You call people on bad grammar and spelling, then use “words” like “ya”, and “sooooo”. You also had this,
“maybe it’s just a byproduct of getting “instant” news on the Internet anymore unfortunately. I personally hate it when professional “articles” sound more like user comments.”
unnecessary quotation marks, improper capitalization (internet is not a proper noun)and “internet anymore unfortunately” just doesn’t look right, but i could be wrong.
What is “itis” and “alrady”? Being a teacher, I’m sure you can enlighten us. And before you chastise for spelling and/or grammar, make sure your own critique isn’t lacking in the same.
Ben, great review and I fully understood every word.
Cheers Kahless! Glad it was helpful.
Irregardless in not a word, do us a favor before you bash someone learn your material. “that said” try to be more plight when correcting someone that way the comment you leave will be constructive .
Habbo,
this isn’t “Cher’s Nubile Diaries”. This is CHERNOBYL Diaries. It’s a horror(ible) movie, not a Whorerable movie. You must have wandered onto the wrong site. Careful next time, eh?
great review , really looking forward to this
FYI: For those who might want to better understand what actually happened at Chernobyl w/o reading a tedious textbook, my free online novel “Rad Decision” includes a nifty description as seen through the eyes of a visitor. This is linked at the homepage – http://RadDecision.blogspot.com . No advertisements or sponsors. I work in the US nuclear power industry so I have some knowledge of the subject.
I haven’t watched Chernobyl Diaries yet, but if some of you’re interested in what really happened in Chernobyl, I’d suggest this striking documentary:
http://www.nublobits.com/?i=watch&s=y&v=MKKz45ORPQQ&n=CHERNOBYL
What ever happened to Jesse McCartney? and why don’t we ever get a good look at the people/zombies? Why is their no back story or clear explanation at the end? so the gov. knows about it and tries to cover it up? also what was the deal with all the cars/that one bus they went in? Also, the part in the kitchenish area where the one girl is left behind to get the gun all I could think of was ow much it reminded me of Jurassic Park where the little kids are in the kitchen with the raptors! Also, why are the zombie/radiated people super fast and strong sometimes ( when van attacked and many other parts) yet really slow other times (like when they are in the stadium part and there are dozens moseying after them)?
Jesee’s character is presumed dead. He had a bad leg, and was taken by the mutant freaks. He’s lunch. However, what amazes me is that the chick he was with managed to escape twice … TWICE … first to meet up with her buddies after being abducted by the mutants, and even after she was abducted AGAIN, she still managed to get away … then die a horrible death on her own. What kind of stupid mutants are these that they can take out a former Soviet military soldier (Uri), but they can’t even subdue one chick? There were just stupid dichotomies like that which ruined it.
I think the mutants were purposefully herding the survivors into their lair, hence why they were moving slow. They wanted to get them in there, so they could trap them and slaughter them. But, apparently they failed to realize the survivors would close the freaking door on them. So, +1 for the mutants smart herding tactics. -100 for forgetting the door had a lock on it. Idiots
The quick flashes we see of the mutants reminded me of Sloth from Goonies. And that creepy mutant butterball baby on the floor… ew. Kill it with fire!
I didn’t even notice the “that said['s]” in the article until a certain someone complained about them. Having said that… that’s my favorite movie-blog transition.
Ha! Maybe I’ll slide “having said that” into rotation. Mix things up a bit!
As soon as I saw the words “shaky cam”, this movie lost me. I despise that form of film making.
If you’re a fan of the STALKER video games, or Pripyat in general, this will entice you. However, be prepared for some cliche horror movie scares. The biggest cliche of all .. when survivors are trying to get the heck out of dodge, they always manage to find their way right to the heart of the monster den. What’s up with that? These idiots even had a map… A MAP … and they ended up in the monster den and in teh opposite direction of where they needed to go. Silly. Plus, the one character that was half-way smart (picked up a weapon, stayed calm, realized the situation) had to prompt other characters to pick up a weapon before exploring dark areas with killer monsters on the loose. And obviously, when killer monsters are on the loose, the first thing you want to do is shout at the top of your lungs to give your position away at all times. Some of the characters had good screen chemistry, and I like Uri the tour guide. But, good lord, these morons qualify for a Darwin award.
I like this site a lot. And all the writers do a great job. Keep it up screenrant !! You guys are awesome!!!!
Thanks Joe!
I just saw this movie earlier,and it’s a pretty weak offering.Aside from the points that are in the review above,I found most of the characters in the film to be generally unlikable. I really wanted to punch the older brother in the face after a while.They know that there’s “something out there”,yet he’s screaming like a mad man letting them know where they are.
I like the premise,I liked the filming locations,but after that,this is a pretty flat and almost annoying movie.There’s a part early that “tries” to lead you to believe that the movie is going in a certain direction with what looks to be a forshadowing action,but we find out that it was pretty much nothing.
There’s just really nothing here to recommend about going to see this movie that you haven’t seen before somewhere else,and more that likely done better.
I know what part you’re talking about. When Uri has like tears in his eyes as the tourists are taking pictures in the hotel. I thought the same thing, “He definitely tricks tourists into coming here and feeds them to the mutants because they’re his family/neighbors and he was the young boy in the picture and must have escaped before the disaster.” I think if you just let yourself believe that’s what happens the movie is slightly better.
Yeah,that’s the part,but it’s a little more than that.
!!!Spoiler!!!
While they were talking pictures inside the apartment,Uri seems very somber,as if he lived there when he was a child.Then as he steps back into another room,there’s a small pile of smoldering ash,as if someone was already there,and he kicks the ash to more or less get rid of the smoke from it.
That whole plot point turned out to be stillborn and produced absolutely nothing but misdirection for what turned out to be a much weaker and equally predictable plot.
1) Ben – I rather like the writing in this article. You have managed to balance your review quite well.
2) For all who have been griping about grammar, spelling, and the diversity of vocabulary on this site, I call to mind the fact that this is not a literary piece. Screen Rant consistently provides concise, accurate information – the perfect fulfillment of its function.
Finally I’ll actually talk about the movie.
3) While the problems with this video that have been mentioned already are large, I do think it is important to note that it does attempt to be truly suspenseful, rather than simply scare the view with gore. Good job filmmakers.
Last but not least:
4) WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THE TITLE as written on the poster. Why in heaven’s name did some publicist think it was a good idea to use the letter я in the middle of the world Chernobyl? However much it may look like an r, я makes the sound ya.
Cheers AS1!
Glad you’re enjoying the site!
@ArenSilver1
4)It’s just a gimmick to make it “look” Russian.Most people in the US have no idea what the Russian alphabet actually sounds like,including myself,but when you see a backwards “r”,you know that it’s supposed to be Russian.
I will admit, though it made me jump a few times, I was very disappointed with the
Movie, the deaths were placed way to close together and the adrenaline roller coaster was very flat for me, too many big moments too close to each other. I think it was a good storyline, and a good idea, the acting was also good. But in the end, it was not one of my favorites.
I can only imagine how greatly my post will be disliked by you, avid-horror-movie-viewers and grammar- gurus, but I will dare to express my opinion regardless of you scorns. Personally I have enough adrenaline in my life to reinforce it by that kind of movies but I went to see it with 9 students. I loved it! Living in USSR at the time of the tragedy I have the memories of my own about this event and mysterious things that I observed afterwards. The great advantage of this movie is that it is not complete fiction. It deserves applauds for keeping documentary character through it. It is a fact that radiation affected people, animals and flora with unbelievable mutations: mushrooms the size of umbrella, two-headed cows, etc… So kudos to writers for not making this movie a total freak –show (bears mutating into people?) and not feeding the minds of viewer with nonsense. Bravo for the most accurate portraying of the soviet era architecture; it felt like being back in Russia. For those of you who’ve never been there this is exactly how the apartment buildings look like in the “closed” strategic towns, which do still unknown to maps. Finally there is not a sign of American superiority in this movie. There is no Mr. Superhero, who saves the world while drunken Ukrainians eat chocolate covered onions.
Chocolate covered onions does not sound, at all, appetizing,but I’ve eaten sauteed grasshoppers before, so who am I to talk.:)
This movie was ass. It had a few jumpy parts but damn what a horrible film overall. Subpar acting, the shaky cam view even though no one was holding a camera the whole time except for the beginning, and the fact that as as soon as they realized they were in deep radiation they started getting symptoms, how retarded. I’m sure if someone was in radiation for as long as they were, they would’ve fel it sooner than later.
The movie was a waste of time n money it showed no gore, it never showed what the infected looked like it didn’t show any real graphics n the ending was terrible, there should have been more detail n explanation
Even my 9 year old, yes I took him…he loves stuff like this, wanted to know “why would the patients want to kill everyone? Just because they are mutants and sick doesn’t explain why they wanted to kill everyone.” So true. Loved seeing the same places Anthony Bourdain went to with his real friend, Uri. And funny thing is, it was scarier on No Reservations without even meaning to be!! Here’s another unexplained part none of you mentioned: the fish at the beginning were all going into a water hole – a swirling vortex. How did that tie in? I kept waiting to find out at the end that there was this underwater cavern or something…Nope. No tie in. Ever.
Like most movies like this, the people are so stupid and make such stupid decisions (like just stay together, wait until daylight and walk out – making sure the gun doesn’t get lost), you hope they all get picked off one by one anyways. And you can’t tell me that Uri didn’t know there must have been a “hospital” on the grounds. That was another thing…they should have provided hints that such a place existed with working vehicles – showing the hospital in the distance like they showed the reactors (and the reactors were far away…how did they end up there???) So many unanswered questions.
Oh and the ring at the beginning – showing that the one guy was going to propose in Moscow. Shouldn’t they have showed the ring laying somewhere? Or that he gave the ring to his girlfriend before he died? Wouldn’t that be a given??? I did love the fact it was based on the true Chernobyl accident and filmed on location. Those were huge plusses.
Actually the ring does come up later. It is referenced when the older brother says “They’re practically married.” about Chris (I think that was Jesse McCartney’s name) and his girlfriend. And later, the group finds a tape where Chris starts to propose to his girlfriend, saying he would’ve done it in Moscow, but she stops him, saying that they will get to Moscow and he should do it then.
Well I think the Movie was done very well and it scared me to death. It reminds me of the original Horror movies of the 70-80′s. I mean the story was excellent. There was not really a plot but the movie kept me on the edge of my seat shaking. I gave it 4 stars because I thought that it could have been better but it was awesome and I really enjoyed it.
I haven’t seen the movie yet but in that first picture, is that a cell phone the guy is taking a picture with? His thumb alone looks bigger than the whole button pad!
this movie was a major let down. wouldn’t waste money going to see it. really feel luke I should get a refund.
this movie had soooooo much potential to be an amazing horror film but the story line skewed off into the vast immensity that we call boring documentary. They didn’t even show what any of the mutated inhabitants looked like which would have at least made the film that much more interesting instead of leaving people with a shaky, 2 second veiw of a shadow every now and then. I just wish that the director could see all the negative comments of customers and try to remake the film and at least explain some significance as to why the Russian military was involved. Thank you
I have a whole list of problems with this movie…but this contains a lot of spoilers so read at your own risk
***SPOILERS***
First off, the beginning was very cheesy and cliche. Oh yeah look at everybody having a good time and bonding before they die! They do this in pretty much every Friday the 13th movie and movies of that nature. But after that, the beginning half of the movie actually becomes intriguing. The acting isn’t stellar, but some of the actors make up for it and Uri was a very enjoyable character. The scenery is engrossing and the whole time I felt myself looking for stuff in the background. But once they get back to the van (which I predicted in theaters would have cut wires) a series of question come up. First question…why the hell would the mutants want to keep them there? If that’s there home wouldn’t they be open to the idea of just letting them get out? And why don’t they just walk the 13 miles? I mean Uri has a gun so it’s not like they would have to worry about any animals. But no…they don’t go anywhere. They sit in the van with the lights on for 6 hours (I’m just guessing) speaking into a walkie-talkie. Seriously? An ex-special forces member is going to feel inclined to either drive out of there or get help? Do the film-makers even know what it takes to become special forces in the Russian military? A 13 mile walk would be nothing to him, especially considering he’s already in a stereotypical track suit.
The crying baby is my next complaint…which Uri quickly figures out “Zat iz not beby”. The noises were eery and interesting, but why the hell would he go out looking for whatever made the noise? With a flashlight at that, giving away his position the entire time as he’s walking up on it. That’s like hearing a wolf howl and then going “Oh let’s go check it out” I mean, he’s obviously not a moron so why would the director make his character feel obligated to go seek out danger just because he has a pistol? The smart thing to do would be to turn off the lights so you get used to the dark and develop night vision (all the while saving the battery) and hunker down in the van with the gun. But no…he goes after it along with Chris and then to no surprise you see and hear gunshots and then the idiotic older brother begins the annoying cycle of screaming “CHRIS!” the whole movie. And then here’s the next question…if they overpowered the big Russian Uri…how in the hell does Chris make it back to the van? What, did the mutants sacrifice all their manpower to capturing and dismembering Uri and then just decided to leave Chris with a compound-fracture for good measure? It makes no sense.
I do give credit to the next scene of them looking for Uri (presumably to get the gun which is smart). They do it during the day time and they’re actually moving quietly and pick up weapons. I remember saying to myself “Oh wow, they’re actually kind of smart” And then once you find Uri ripped to pieces it becomes quite creepy. That whole kitchen scene is actually quite good and suspenseful. In theaters I found my heart beating a little faster than normal. But unfortunately that’s pretty much the only stellar scene I can think of in that movie. And of course…the movements of that particular mutant doesn’t match-up with the ones later on (that just look like a bunch of Sloths from the Goonies wearing black jumpsuits.)
From here on, I’m not going to go as in-depth as my previous points, but I’m still going to point some things out
The dogs…became so monotonous, because you could tell that the director just kept using them as some excuse to make the characters divert their path somewhere else. They walk out of the van, see the dogs, decide to change paths, and then find the van part YAY! But then…OH THE DOGS ARE COMING so then they have to cross a bridge which miraculously causes their short trip to the parking lot to turn into a 5-6 hour long walk back so then it’s pitch-black by the time they get back to the van. The van is turned over and right when the older brother sees it…oh what do you you know, he starts screaming “CHRIS!” some more. But at this point there’s still a question as to what they are, they could be people, but they could also be some hybrid mutants with super strength. So they go looking for Chris, and we found out that the same mutants that overpowered the big Russian Uri, were also able to somehow allow the blondie to escape.
So as they’re running out they find a map…but somehow while using that map they end up going right into the home of the creatures chasing them. Like seriously…if you’re going to do that, you might as well just not even have your characters find a random map in the first place. So…then the mutants devise some ingenious ambush plan. I can just see it now “Ok Susy, we need you to walk up to these idiots and stand with your back turned to them, once they focus on you, that’s when I grab the one chick that got away. At which point you will suddenly disappear with your magic little mutant girl powers and they will chase me of course. But as you know, radiation has given us Flash speed so I’ll be gone by the time they make it down the short stairwell. They will of course hear the scream so once they follow that, that’s when all you guys start walking out towards them and then flush them into our home and then DINNER IS SERVED” I mean seriously WTF!
But the mutant didn’t plan on them closing the door did they? You know…the huge steel bunker door that is made to keep a military force out…yet somehow within 5 minutes the mutants still get past. Next…is an absolutely pointless scene in which the flashlight turns off for about 30 seconds (the only time it has happened the entire movie) and it never happens again. What’s the point? And then they find the room where they were all living at and he finds the ring. So…he starts screaming “CHRIS!” again, even though they just heard the mutants get through the giant steel locked door. Then he hears some gutteral noises from the tent which is obviously not Chris…yet he still say “Chris?” and then Stubby comes out, they scream and run from it. Might I mention before the flashlight scene even happens…they keep walking past additional blast doors that they could’ve been closing to put more blockades in between them and the horde. But do they? Nope…
Fast-forwarding to once they start running towards the reactor…there’s this really stupid fight scene. The very same mutants that destroyed Uri…get killed or knocked out in a fight scene in which you can’t even see what’s happening…by two extremely tired and sick people that were weak in the first place. And one of them is a woman! A WOMAN! But Uri gets screwed up? JESUS does this movie get any more stupid? Yes.
They run all the way the the end of the reactor and are met by Russian riot guards who tell him not to come any closer. Even though he speaks Russian, does he at this point? No. And then they shoot him in the chest in a very anti-climactic way. I mean, at first I thought they just popped him in the knee, but then I looked closely and saw the blood stain on his chest. That right there basically sums up the action and carnage of the movie. Very brief, confusing, and unrevealing. Then the last 5 minutes of the movie is just like…”OK?” They start talking about “escaped patients” and it makes you wonder…”Patients for what? If they were people from Pripyat, wouldn’t they just be fine with offing them or letting them starve?” But no…they keep them in a cell and feed them the remaining character of the movie? And how in the hell did they escape in the first place? And then to top it all off…they end the movie with “actiony” credits that have bright colors giving off the impression that we just saw some AWESOME movie all to the tune (stereotypically I might add) of Marilyn Manson.
By the end of this movie I immediately thought…this was The Hills Have Eyes in Russia (Chernobyl is in the Ukraine I know). I saw a member on here earlier say “The Reactors Have Pulses” and that made me laugh. Especially considering I wasn’t the only one left with this impression. You could also settle for “Wrong Turn: Moscow Edition”.
All in all…this movie left me saying “Why in the hell” way too many times.
I so agree with everything you said. And PS. I am glad you saw the ring in that one scene because I never saw it and that was one of my blasts at them on continuity. I must’ve been checking my cell phone at that moment LOL!! And shouldn’t we have seen Chris telling his GF that he was planning on proposing to her in Moscow and giving her the ring on that clip that they filmed of themselves before he was killed? Wouldn’t that have made more sense? And the dogs were supposed to be wolves but clearly were dogs…and what about the swirling vortex of fish in the begining??? More WTH moments.
Well you must’ve missed that part because he actually did pull the ring out haha and that was followed by his GF saying “No, we will do it in Moscow as planned, put the ring away because we’re going to make it out of this.” I don’t blame you for missing it though, the plot was so weak.
Can I just say that your analysis of the movie was hilarious, I thought it wasn’t all bad personally, maybe just because I’ve seen so many worse crap low budget horror movies by comparison this one wasn’t as terrible.
I would enjoy reading more reviews by you of bad movies! You should start a blog or something
after reading all of this, i’ve come to 3 conclusions: Chernobyl Diaries sucks, Ben is a solid writer and realist is a jerk. keep doing what you’re doing, SR
i see my actual statement may have been a little out of line. thanks for toning it down.
Shakey Cam?…..I’m out!
I think you said it all Ben, saw the movie yesterday and was greatly disappointed, felt like asking for my money back. I did an essay on Chernobyl in school, and was excited for this movie, considering the amount of research I had done on the subject. I thought the concept of the movie was awsome, and expected a lot more. The second the movie ended I couldn’t believe that was all they had put into it, or that I had wasted my time and money. I haven’t seen a good horror movie in a long time, and was waiting to catch a glimpse of the radioactive mutants, which between the ridiculously dark scenes, shaky/confusing camera shots, and plot holes you never really do get a good look at WHAT is going on. I left the theatre baffled, frustrated, and hugely dissatisfied. Wish I had read your review before-hand, which I find to be very well written, keep up the wonderful work.
Also, @Realist: “How many times are you gonna say “that said” in your article??”
Twice actually, and not in the same paragraph, considering the length of the article, I don’t find that to be an over-use of the phrase at all. What I find “cliche” is the fact that every english teacher out there thinks that they could have done a better job writing anything that they read. Maybe you’re just sore because unlike Ben, who actually has the talent to find work writing literature, you’re stuck teaching it. I know it’s your job to find flaws with written works, but Ben’s a critic, not one of your students, so save it for the classroom. Instead of making yourself sound like an arrogant snob on a website that is meant to express ones opinion on a movie, not their academic skills. I feel sorry for your students.
Yeah,
U tell Hm Linzi!
I R A Ghood righter two!
Nuff said