Humans have drank alcohol together since the dawn of time. Consequently, they’ve also fought together with alcohol in the mix for just as long. Sometimes you can blame it mostly on the drink but just as often there are local feuds or personal grudges that come to a boil in bars. Bar fights rarely end up being between only two people and the venue often comes off the worst for wear.
Bar fights are rough, and that’s why you want a at least a few tough, capable fighting friends on your side when the bottles start smashing. There are plenty of movie characters who can make short work of hostile patrons. These street-savvy, tough-as-nails, untouchable fighters are frequently found in bars and often the last one standing after a melee.
For this list it wouldn’t be fair to include characters like Superman or the Hulk, whom we would want on our side in any kind of fight. With that in mind, here are 17 Character’s We’d Want on Our Side in a Bar Fight!
17. ONE-PUNCH MICKEY
Brad Pitt isn’t just exceptional for his Irish accent in Guy Ritchie’s Snatch. He more than earns his nickname of One-Punch Mickey throughout the film. The small time boxing promoter called “Turkish” played by Jason Statham sends his partners Tommy and Gorgeous George to finagle a caravan from some Irish travelers.
George ends up getting into a fight with Brad Pitt’s Mickey O’Neil. After letting George toss him about like a rag doll for a few punches, Mickey takes off his shirt and knocks George out with one counter punch to the face. Turkish strikes a deal with One-Punch Mickey and gets him into the British underground bare knuckle boxing scene.
Mickey doesn’t always toy with his opponents before beating them. Early in the movie, Turkish tells him to throw a fight in the fourth round, but instead he knocks out his opponent seconds after the bell. Provided you’re not betting against him, One-Punch Mickey could definitely put a few of your foes out of commission in a bar fight.
Walter Kovacs had to fend for himself since childhood. His parents were abusive and absent and he could brutalize boys older than him in fist fights from a very young age. By the time he joined the Watchmen under the persona of Rorschach, he had become a notorious vigilante in New York’s criminal underworld.
We see his penchant for crippling violence and torture and his knack for improvised weaponry throughout the graphic novel and the movie. If you’re at the bar when Rorschach walks in, he’s just as likely to start the fight as end it. That’s how much he’s feared and hated, by the criminals and the lawful people, in the Watchmen universe.
He’s got no qualms about breaking fingers, with your glass still in your hand, to make you talk. You shouldn’t count on him to pull you to safety or to cover your back but you could leave it to him to smash every other guy to the floor.
15. MALCOLM REYNOLDS
The former Independence soldier turned brigand captain Malcolm Reynolds has seen more than his fair share of scuffles. Looking for illicit work on the fringes of Alliance space lands you in all kinds of sketchy situations so it’s good to know what you’re doing in a fight. If Mal counts you as one of his crew you know you’ve got your back covered.
Mal is a crack shot with his pistol and clever fighter. He’s a sure enough shot to nail a hostage taker without missing a beat. We’ve seen him knock out plenty of goons while they slug it out in bar fights. He’s also a combat pragmatist. He’ll gladly stare down and distract his opponents while his crew line up shots or punches.
14. JESSICA JONES
You don’t last long in Hell’s Kitchen if you can’t hold your own in a fight. Jessica Jones is blessed in this regard. She possesses superpowers that have helped her protect herself and others. But after her failed superhero career and the severely scarring trauma at the hands of Kilgrave, her superpowers only make it more difficult for her to remain anonymous or keep any kind of relationships.
Still, we saw even in the trailers that Jessica can clear out a whole bar’s worth of rowdy patrons if she needs too. Alcohol is one of her main coping mechanisms so she’s frequently seen in bars mixing pleasure with the business of her investigations. She’s even kept her own hip flask with her on assignments, likely filled with whiskey.
13. THE HOUND
Sandor Clegane just wants to eat well, drink well and win a good fight every now and then. He was despicably amoral when we first met him as Joffrey’s personal guard dog. But in the ladder 3 seasons of Game of Thrones, he’s happened to fight for some of our protagonists and given some epic flip offs to Joffrey and the Lannister soldiers.
The Hound is a vicious fighter. We’ve seen him cut men in two with his great sword and he will throw the first low blow. In Season 4 when Arya and the Hound were making their way north on the King’s Road, Arya forced them to stop at an Inn where she spotted Polliver who had stolen her sword Needle. The Hound was able to beat down and slaughter the five soldiers easily.
12. TOMMY DEVITO (GOODFELLAS)
Of all the crew in Goodfellas, Joe Pesci’s Tommy DeVito is probably the most dangerous. That’s because of his notoriously short temper. When Henry first meets him, Tommy is already an experienced robber. Over the course of the film he, Henry, Paulie and Jimmy pull off some real world mob crimes from the 60s and 70s when the film takes place.
Tommy likes to keep everyone around him on edge so they don’t make fun of him. Even his friends walk on eggshells around him. He’s so determined to keep up his reputation as a legitimate gangster that he murders Billy Batts, a made man in the Gambino Crime Family. He’s so incensed at the teasing that he breaks the barrel of his revolver against Batts’ nose.
11. OBI-WAN KENOBI
The jedi of Star Wars are not often found in bars by the rules of their philosophy, but Obi-Wan Kenobi has had one of the most adventurous lives of any Jedi that ever lived. Before the fall of the Old Republic, Obi-Wan investigated many threats to peace and justice in the galaxy while apprenticed to Qui-Gon Jinn and with Anakin Skywalker as his own apprentice. He was also one of the most revered Jedi generals in the Clone army.
We got to see him handle himself in bars two times in the Star Wars movies. Both times he dismembered a gunman who had drawn on him or his companions and both times he awed the rest of the patrons into minding their business. He can use a mind trick on lowbrow hecklers to make sure your party is undisturbed and he can quickly neutralize any blowhard goons.
Obi-Wan is unique among Jedi we see in the movies in that he’s spent so much of his life fending for himself, surviving in the real world. He’s experienced enough to protect you from anything you might find in bar, from death stick peddlers to Stormtroopers.
10. INDIANA JONES
The two-fisted archeologist Indiana Jones has had a number of run ins at bars. Uncovering ancient powerful secrets across the globe often means investigating in local watering holes shared with marauding Nazis or fanatical cults.
Indy tends to take quite a beating when he goes toe to toe with his adversaries but he’s been through a lot of fights. There was the gun fight and melee in Marion’s bar in Nepal. And there was the time he escaped a nightclub in Shanghai by running behind a giant rolling gong. And who could forget the time he threw an SS officer out of a blimp in full view of the lounge passengers?
With his trusty whip and pistol, Indy would be crafty and tough enough to deal with most bar thugs. He might even have Henry Sr. or Shortround or Marion tagging along to help at just the right time. Unless he gets rescued by a gaggle of children before the fighting breaks out.
9. JESSE CUSTER AKA PREACHER
This DC Vertigo comic adaptation may have just gotten started but Jesse Custer knows his way around a bar fight quite well, for a preacher. Of course, he wasn’t always a preacher. His sordid past and his growing disillusionment with his church already make him an unstable and ruthless fighter before he gets inhabited by an unknown entity.
We saw his hand to hand prowess in the very first episode when Preacher gets confronted by the abusive husband of one of his congregation. They’ve just come from a Civil War reenactment and are looking for a fight. Preacher warns them, but they won’t listen; he uses bottles, neck punches, and his foes’ own weight against them. Then when he’s got the “general” helpless on the floor, he breaks his wrist out of his arm.
8. MARV (SIN CITY)
Marv is one tough son of a bitch. He’s seen some of the worst and been through some of the worst that Sin City has to offer. From the comics we know he’s had a rough childhood and a harsh adult life and in the film Mickey Rourke makes all of that trauma evident yet ambiguous.
He can go off the rails with brutal violence at any moment but for better or worse he’s got a firm sense of morality. His main story in the Sin City movies is “The Hard Goodbye” where he’s given a bit of kindness and comfort by a blonde prostitute named Goldie. After Goldie is murdered by Cardinal Roark’s cronies, Marv goes on a roaring rampage of revenge. He gets his revenge but he also endures getting riddled by a SWAT team and has to be shocked in the electric chair twice before he finally dies.
7. JASON STATHAM
We aren’t talking about a particular character here – the man we want on our side is Jason Statham, the actor himself. In every Jason Statham movie, the actor plays a rough-hewn ferocious fighter. Whether it’s the Transporter Guy or Lee Christmas from the Expendables, you can always expect Statham to showcase his brutal close quarters efficiency.
He’s had a few noteworthy scraps in actual bars. In Wild Card, he fought and smashed his way out of a casino bar outside of Las Vegas to the hilariously juxtaposed tune of “White Christmas”. In Safe, he successfully assassinates a target at a bar and vaults over seats and tables to quickly gun down any guards. And let’s not forget his impressive track record for improvised weaponry and using his environment. In The Transporter, he drenches himself in oil to slip through some thugs chasing him, then breaks the peddles off of a bike to give himself even footing on the slippery floor.
6. JACK SPARROW
Captain Jack Sparrow has run afoul of plenty of menacing pirates and authorities in the Caribbean. Wherever he goes there’s somebody who’s got beef, or a saucy wench whom he’s disappointed. But his completely unhinged mannerisms and legendary luck have let him escape plenty of rowdy scenes, including the taverns of Tortuga.
Jack Sparrow may have his own signature style of obfuscating stupidity, but he’s cleverer than he looks. When the swords are drawn and the bottles start breaking, don’t be surprised if he disappears for a moment to wander around immune to the chaos. But don’t worry. He’ll stumble upon something in the environment to swing the fight in your favor, like a rope suspending a chandelier or firecracker or a canon. When he does have to fight toe to toe his swordplay goes hand in hand with his mischief. Just make sure the situation doesn’t get so desperate that you have to use up all the rum for a signal fire or an improvised explosive.
5. DALTON/PATRICK SWAYZE (ROAD HOUSE)
Patrick Swayze’s Dalton in Road House sees more bar fights on a daily basis than most of us see stop signs. It’s bound to happen when you take on the job as a bouncer for a newly refurbished roadside bar in Jasper Missouri. There’s the usual petty bar patron gripes and scuffles, but a lot of the towns trouble can be traced back to one local business magnate, Brad Wesley.
The Double Deuce bar is so used to property-destroying bar fights that they have screens and fences set up in front of the band and they don’t even stop playing when the fighting starts. Dalton’s physical prowess gets put to the test in more than just the bar in the movie. In one brutal scene, he rips out the throat of one of Wesley’s top enforcers with his bare hands.
4. JAMES BOND
There’s a good chance you’ll be safe in a bar if you go out with James Bond. Well, unless you’re the unlucky “Bond Woman” or sidekick for that movie. Point is, Bond has held his own against plenty of well-armed dirty fighters in pools and clubs and casinos throughout the world. If his secret agent physical conditioning and martial arts aren’t enough to prevail, he’ll surely have just the gadget or improvised weapon for the job.
There was the time he fought his way out of an exclusive floating casino in Macau, carrying a heavy suitcase full of winnings. And there was the time Bond and Pam Bouvier blasted their way out of the Bimini Bar, dodging everything from pool ques to a giant decorative swordfish.
Bond is a good guy to have around even if the fighting doesn’t start at the bar. He’ll introduce you to some seriously classy drinks, win at all the gambling and games imaginable, and attract the hottest locals.
3. CAPTAIN KIRK
Maybe it’s because Picard ended up being much more cerebral by comparison, but Captain Kirk has become known for punching his way through plenty of alien and human encounters in the original Star Trek series. He’s got all kinds of ludicrous moves that catch his opponents completely off guard. From flying kicks to body slams to double fist punches, you want that unstoppable flamboyance on your side.
Kirk doesn’t necessarily go looking for fights but he’s always ready to throw down to protect his ship and his crew. He’s not often found in bars, but his style of fighting and fighting in the show in general often feels raw and physical like a bar fight. In fact, in the original series tribbles episode, Kirk confines several Enterprise crewmembers to quarters for getting into a bar fight with Klingons on a space station. We do see a young James Kirk hold his own against four in a bar fight back on Earth in the new Star Trek.
2. THE DRUNKEN MASTER
Any barfly can claim to be better when they’re drunk, and that usually goes for things like beer pong. But in Drunken Master 2 or Legend of the Drunken Master, Jackie Chan’s Wong Fei-hung discovers that he becomes a genuinely better martial artist when he’s heavily intoxicated.
His father does not approve of his fondness for the drink. He repeatedly reprimands and eventually disowns him for his behavior and his foolish mistakes. But by a series of accidents and coincidences he stumbles upon a conspiracy to privately sell many prized Chinese artifacts to the London Museum.
Fei-hung gets into plenty of outnumbered brawls in bars and in the streets throughout the film. Even without alcohol he’s a force to be reckoned with. But the more drunk he gets the more potent and unpredictable he becomes in a fight, prancing and spinning and teetering through his foes effortlessly. The only think you have to worry about with Fei-hung on your side is him hogging all the booze.
1. The Legends of Tomorrow Team
When Rip Hunter started bringing together some of the most extraordinary individuals from 2016 to oppose Vandal Savage, he probably didn’t expect they would all spend so much time in bars. In the very first episode when they travel back to 1975, White Canary, Captain Cold and Heatwave all get into a bar fight after a local tough guy tries to take advantage of Canary. Their combined melee experience and superpowers let them make short work of the goons.
Later on in the first season, Captain Cold proves to be quick on the draw when they cross paths with a sore loser gambler in 1871 South Dakota. The whole main crew is present and accounted for, throwing the offending patrons over tables and into pianos. They were doing totally fine even before Jonah Hex paused all the fighting with a gunshot through the ceiling.
If the Legends of Tomorrow are visiting your place and your time, you could count on them to tune up plenty of local trouble. Because why have one friend in a bar fight when you can have a whole team?
Are there any other characters you’d want on your side in a bar fight? Let us know in the comments!