Captain America.

Never has a film had such a torturous rumor and potential candidate-filled path when it comes to casting announcements regarding the lead character. The number of names associated with this movie is truly staggering – and what makes it worse is that few of them have been true (that we know of). Let’s just take a quick look back at all the names that have been rumored at one point or another to don the blue and red tights and sport the iconic America flag-inspired shield:

Sam Worthington, Will Smith, Chad Michael Murray, Ryan McPartlin, Chris Pine, Robert Buckley, Chace Crawford, John Krasinski, Scott Porter, Mike Vogel, Patrick Flueger, Michael Cassidy, Garrett Hedlund, Neal Bledsoe, Channing Tatum and Ryan Phillipe.

Back in the beginning of February, director Joe Johnston said in an interview that they “had a very short list and the character would be cast very soon. We have a March 1st deadline.” As that deadline neared, I called Marvel Studios to see if Robert Buckley had actually won the role of Captain America. To my amazement, Marvel said that not only was Buckley NOT in the running (as did sources close to Buckley with whom I spoke), but they also said there was no such thing as a “March 1st” deadline.

I suppose that will teach all of the blogosphere not pay any heed to a director who’s throwing out information in an unrelated press interview.

Well the wait is finally over folks because today I have it on good authority that we now have our precious Steve Rodgers a.k.a. Captain America – none other than Milo Ventimiglia! It’s a good choice really because Milo is already used to playing a guy without super powers that gets super powers then loses them only to gain them back – it’s pretty much his role in the once smash hit TV show Heroes. Milo was unavailable for comment because he was out bulking up for the role.

OK, I just received another piece of insider information that says Milo is now out and that the role has passed on to Milo’s TV hero brother, Adrian Pasdar. Word has it that Pasdar will step into the vinyl boots and wow audiences next year as Captain America. I have to say, I like this idea because Pasdar has the chiseled chin for the job.  Hopefully we’ll soon see some screen test shots of him in the suit and shield to drool over.

Wait a minute, as I type this ANOTHER announcement has been made regarding the casting of good ol’ Cap – Channing Tatum! No seriously, First Showing just tweeted it moments ago that, “It’ll come down to Marvel making an offer, and Tatum either accepting it or rejecting it.” Oops, that may have been an old update. Put down the pitch forks folks, Tatum is just a rumor but the following information isn’t.

Johnson originally said he wanted to go with a younger unknown American-born actor to play Captain America but now it looks like all that was just to throw us comic book hounds off the scent. It looks like “The Dude”, the video game mogul Kevin Flynn, Crazy Heart’s own Oscar-winning Jeff Bridges is now set to play Captain America. Wow, that came out of nowhere but I have to say I LOVE the casting choice. If I was a young military soldier or marine, I would definitely follow Jeff Bridges into battle!

So we are now hearing that Bridges isn’t going to work out because of scheduling conflicts with his work on The Men Who Stare at Goats 2. Not to worry though, because Marvel and Johnson have already secured the services of Jeff’s older brother Beau Bridges, who honestly could use the work ever since Stargate SG-1 ended. Beau is a solid choice but I’m sure there will have to be some digital editing done to get him in the suit, and a stunt double used to perform all of the action shots. Beau will pretty much only be doing voice-over and face shots.

Well that didn’t take long! Changing gears completely, Johnson and company appear to be lost for casting options and have asked rapper-turned-actor Mos Def to step into the role and are now just hoping for the best.

Now this is just getting sad: Mos Def has refused to play the part due to creative differences with the studio but suggested Marvel call his friend Cory Feldman to fill the suit. That’s right, looks like the last half of the “Corys” will ditch being a Frog brother and stop fighting vampires but will instead lock horns with Hugo Weaving, who is playing the Red Skull.

By now you’ve probably realized that this piece is completely tongue-in-cheek but the sad thing is, the rapid fire succession of the “rumor” announcements regarding the casting of Captain America has been just like this article – ridiculous! Whether this is being done intentionally by the studio, actors’ agents just trying to get their clients’ names out there or movie sites trying to drum up traffic by throwing out names – I fear that ultimately this procrastination on picking and releasing a final name to the public is going to hurt the film in the long run.

Most fans (and websites and news outlets) are tired of hearing about the latest name to be dropped in the casting hat and will very soon become apathetic to the whole ordeal. When the name of the actor does eventually become public, I think Marvel and the PR guys will be very disappointed at the “thud” with which it arrives in the blogosphere.

What are your feelings on the ongoing drama that has become the casting process of Captain America? Do you like any of my “casting choices” or do you have some other ridiculous names to toss into the ring?

Wait a minute, a new short list has just been released – Bobcat Goldthwait, Richard Moll, Arsenio Hall, Jaden Smith and Betty White; wait what the…OK this is just pathetic!

And here is my official choice to play Captain America, Screen Rant’s own Vic Holtreman. Marvel, you can contact me directly about setting up a test screening.

The First Avenger: Captain America is supposed to hit theaters July 22, 2011 but we shall see.

Follow me on Twitter @Walwus

*Special thanks goes to fellow Screen Rant writer Anthony Ocasio for the last two pictures.