Candy Land, Monopoly, Battleship and Stretch Armstrong Updates

Aug 10, 2009 by Paul Young

BATTLESHIP

Goldner continues his to show off his ability to give politician-type answers when asked about Battleship and Monopoly. First he said this about Battleship or maybe he didn’t say this about Battleship, heck, read it and see if you can figure it out:

“Oh, I’m not going to tell you quite yet but I will say that it’s everything you could imagine in a ‘Battleship’ movie. It’s really a phenomenal idea.”

Is that everything the interviewer can imagine or everything I can imagine, Brian? Because I can guarantee you do NOT want my imagination involved in your film. Stream of consciousness gives me the following items for Battleship: robots, sharks, hookers, beer, the color beige, monkeys flinging poo and genies. I mean to me THAT is a “phenomenal idea” but maybe not to you? My mom always said “If you don’t know or have an answer just say you don’t instead of making something up.” Listen to my mother, Mr. Goldner, for she is wise beyond all of our years.

MONOPOLY

My favorite non-answer of the evening has to be Goldner’s “update” on the status of Monopoly. I can’t even paraphrase what he said because it makes me reach for the Excedrin Extra Strength each time I do.

“Monopoly” has this wonderful history. If you’ll remember, “Monopoly” was literally invented at The [Great] Depression, so that idea, this fiction that’s really there, this non-fiction fiction that’s really there in the game and in the fact that there’s such great roots to this brand and the history of the brand, we bring this to life with a story about families.

Monopoly Chance card

When Weintraub asks Goldner directly who came up with the idea for a Monopoly movie, Hasbro or Ridley Scott, you could almost see the hamster wheels turning as he sputtered forth this amazing, high quality interview answer:

“Well Ridley did have an idea. He grew up on “Monopoly” over in the UK and “Monopoly” is a brand that’s all over the world. But for Ridley, he’s always been a guy that’s created these great big worlds and so for us, “Monopoly” is this great big world that will look like our world but of course there are certain things about it that make it uniquely a “Monopoly” kind-of-world.”

I’ll do my absolute best to paraphrase the above answers: It will be a movie that looks like our world but won’t be because it’s a movie and the story will involve non-fiction fiction about families. Did that clear it up for you?

Actually, if they want to make it centered around families and truly make it a story about the idea of Monopoly, wouldn’t that mean that it would involve a land baron taking control of an entire downtown district, who then raises the rates to such extremes as to bankrupt all families living there and kick them out? Yeah sounds like a great family experience to me.

You can watch the entire interview over at Collider if you just have five minutes you’re looking to waste. These were some great, legitimate interview questions from a quality source with horrible, do-nothing, hollow answers given back in return.

I know the title of this article includes the word “Update” but honestly do you feel any more updated about any of these movies from Brian Goldner’s answers?

Stretch Armstrong supposedly elasticizes on screen 2011. Battleship, Monopoly and Candy Land have no scheduled release dates.