It seemed that the recent rash of board-game movies that are in the works was the lowest Hollywood could go as far as looking for new projects. And yet they somehow manage to surprise us again. This time they are looking at a confectionery, with plans to make a movie based on: Bubblegum.
That’s right, the stuff you chew…
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Michael Eisner (the former chief executive of The Walt Disney Company) and his Tornante Company have pegged newcomer Mark Hammer to pen the script for a movie based on the Bazooka bubblegum comic Bazooka Joe. You know, that tiny little strip which comes with Bazooka bubblegum? Hammer (who doesn’t have a movie to his name) apparently wrote a spec script called Sonny Takes Peru that made the Hollywood rounds but never got picked up. However, executives at Tornante liked it so much that they gave him the opportunity to pitch his idea, and ultimately they brought him on to write the Bazooka Joe movie.
The Bazooka Joe comic-book has been around for over 50 years, and its only reason for being is to advertise the Bazooka brand of gum. His appearance is distinctive (with his main feature being an unexplained eye-patch), so much so that he is said to be one of the most recognizable American advertising characters (not my words).
Although the movie will most likely be based on the comic as opposed to the gum itself (I think it would literally be impossible to make a movie of the latter – what would it be, a chewing competition…?), it’s still a bottom of the barrel, dumb-as-hell idea. If the point of the comic and character was only to advertise the gum, then won’t the movie reflect that? Unless they just take the name and character and go in completely different direction with it (and then, what’s the point of basing it on this?), I don’t really see how this can be made into an any way watchable movie.
Also, are Eisner and Co. thinking that the kids will want to see this movie? Do today’s kids even know who Bazooka Joe is? And it’s not as if it’s such a super-fondly remembered character from people’s childhoods that would make them excited to see a movie based on it (there are probably a few people out there, but not many).
I sometimes wonder what kind of illegal substances these Hollywood folks are smoking and snorting. There must be something of that sort involved when decisions like this get made…
What do you think of a movie based on the Bazooka Joe? Is there any way this would make for a decent movie?
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22 Comments
You’ve got to be frakkin kidding me!! Bazooka Joe??!! Dec. 21st, 2012 can’t get here soon enough.
Although the movie will most likely be based on the comic as opposed to the gum itself (I think it would literally be impossible to make a movie of the latter – what would it be, a chewing competition…?)
Ross, this is Hollywood, you may want to re-think that statement.
Why not make a movie about the gecko from the GEICO commercials?
@Matt
Now you’re doing it. Stop giving Hollywood ideas!
Oh man. Hollywood is running out of original thinking. What’s next, a Mountain Dew movie? Better yet, Tampax, the touching story of a woman and her menstruation companion. Ugh.
Ok, guys, I think you all will need lawyers to figure out just how much money you will get from Hollywood for these ideas they will be stealing. Since these movies will make about 20 bucks, you should sue for about $5, with attorney’s fees being $2,000.
Why is the kid wearing an eye patch? Is he a pirate or did he lose it in a bad acident? I think Hammer should pursue both of those ideas for his story.
Ah HA, Paul you just found out the story of Bazooka Joe! It will be a coming of age/high action-adventure in 3D where Bazooka Joe saves his small town from invaders and thus we will all learn how Joe got his Eye-Patch and thus be called Bazooka Joe!
That is the story arc, how Joe got his eye-patch, we will all know! Just like how we now know how John Connor got his scar!
Wait, it’s not April 1st, what’s going on? lol
I’m going to get started on a screenplay about a romance between Little Debbie and Sailor Jack.
Re a film about the Geico gecko. They made television shows about Max Headroom and Geico cavemen. Your idea is not so farfetched.
Are you f@#$%^& s@#$%^&* me ?!?!? Have they actually made every possible movie idea?
Though as I’ve said many times, I never dismiss any idea outright as unflimable or unable to make something at least watchable out of, but not all ideas are made equal, and some require a singular talent to see beyond the superficial “what the heck” factor to find the gold in that mountain of skepticism.
As a counterpoint, other films’ concepts are so rock solid, you’d have to be actively trying to create a train wreck to make it unwatchable. Monsters vs. Aliens, for all it’s faults, at least held my attention for the duration of the film.
However, given Eisner’s history and the generally unknown talent involved, I would say the final result is about as likely to achieve that rare alchemy as Paris Hilton is to receive an Oscar for best Actress.
“Hey kid, you know that spec script you slaved over being circulated around town? Yeah, we might think about fast tracking it but in the meantime, how’d you like to pen a Bazooka friggin Joe movie?”
@sito
Actually, remember they tried to make a sitcom about the Geico cavemen already.
Vic
I would argue your point that movies made from advertisements are impossible, personally.
Good movies can come from surprising sources. When I heard they were making a movie based on a themepark ride, I laughed out loud, but swallowed that laughter after seeing the movie.
That aside, this is still a tremendously dumb idea.
“We Make Holes in Teeth” That’s for those of you who are old enough to remember who said that. I refrain from mentioning who as Hollywood may hear and want to use them as the villains in their next summer blockbuster (what every Summer movie is called) Listerine: The Movie.
i want to see a movie about the life of a gecko….. no talking no acting just a gecko. in a tank. with cammera running all the time. it will be a two hour movie. they will name it geico. it will never speak but what it thinks will apper as subtiles.
the budjet is 500,000
they are consideirng casting a random goldfish
they plan to make billions with the heart warming “tail” of a gecko.
it will be better than all the stupid game movies…
does this count as giving them ideas? i mean seroisly? what the hell will be next an operation movie? and apples to apples movies? i mean i would rather have remakes of movies from the 1930’s !
HOw about a movie about a movie blog site whose editor/owner has to put out flaming wars all the time?
@Andy
LOL.
Vic
I’m so totally flabbergasted by this news that I can’t even think of anything clever to say.
The only way that Hollywood is going to learn is when people stop seeing crap like this.
I know, Remember those sex-education movies that were filmed in the 60’s but schools kept showing them to students until the 80’s. They were hillarious (I thought so). They should just re-release one of those on the big-screen. It would be an instant comedy classic…
Ofcourse, someone in Hollywood will read my post, steal my idea and just film re-make as a sex-ed mockumentary starring Seth Rogen.
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