After eight years of serving as California’s Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger is apparently itching to be back in front of the camera – flexing his muscles and knocking some heads. Although he had brief cameo appearances in films like The Rundown, Around the World in 80 Days and last summer’s action hit The Expendables, the last time action fans were able to see the former Mr. Olympia in the starring role of a feature length film was back in 2003 with Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.
For weeks since his departure from the Governor’s office, rumblings of Arnold being offered leading roles have been flowing hot and heavy from the Hollywood rumor machine. Cry Macho, The Last Stand and even a possible appearance in Terminator 5 have all been mentioned as potential vehicles for Arnold’s triumphant return to acting.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with Arnold wanting to pick up the action torch and start his movie career once again – after all he WAS the quintessential action star of the 1980s. However, we fear that both he and Hollywood inepts execs may try to get quality milk from a cinematic cow whose udders have long since dried up – specifically the absurd notion that Universal has approached Arnold to re-team with Danny DeVito for Twins 2.
We might not mind watching sequels to some of Arnold’s more popular action films – Commando, Raw Deal, Red Heat – but there are some movies from Arnold’s vast and diverse filmography which we would never want to see continued – starting with Twins. So we’ve decided to compile a list of six films from Arnold’s filmography that should never, EVER be given a sequel.
SIDE NOTE: Big shout out to fellow Screen Rant writer Christopher Schrader for the spiffy posters!
Synopsis: Julius Benedict (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his biologically inferior and crooked twin brother Vincent (Danny DeVito) have been living the good life for over 20 years after starting up their consulting firm. One day their life is turned upside down as their mother Mary Ann Benedict (Bonnie Bartlett) reveals to them that they are not actually twins, but rather two-thirds of a set of triplets. Julius and Vincent then set off to find their long lost sibling – who, as it turns out, is their sister Amanda (Glenn Close).
UPDATE: TURNS OUT, TRIPLETS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING!
Junior 2: The Afterbirth
Synopsis: Dr. Alex Hesse (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his partner in gynecology Dr. Larry Arbogast (Danny DeVito) have long been retired from their medical practice since the Food and Drug Administration shut down the illegal, though successful, human research for their pregnancy drug, Expectane. However, a small sample of the drug remains in storage and following in their father’s footsteps, Junior (Justin Beiber) and Jake (Bo Mitchell) use the drug on themselves as part of a college research project.
Kindergarten Cop 2: The Next Grade
Synopsis: Detective John Kimble (Arnold Schwarzenegger) stopped being an undercover agent when he took a desk job at his precinct and married Rachel Crisp (Penelope Ann Miller). He vowed to never again set foot in the classroom, but when his former partner Detective Phoebe O’Hara (Pamela Reed) goes missing, Kimble finds himself once again thrust into the sordid world of substitute teachers, lunch room ladies, playground monitors and school nurses, as he goes back undercover to find her. Can he locate his old friend before she’s sent to permanent detention?
2ingle All the Way
Synopsis: Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) learned a valuable lesson fifteen years ago – that gifts aren’t as important as spending time with family during the holidays. Too bad that lesson didn’t get passed on to his son Jamie (Jake Lloyd). Jamie is all grown up now, with a son of his own, and just like his father before him, he forgets the true meaning of the holidays. Jamie spends Christmas Eve searching high and low for the hottest new toy of the season – Captain Junderpants – while his family enjoys the day’s festivities without him. Now a grandfather, Howard joins his son in the city-wide toy hunt, but they soon run into a familiar foe – the disgruntled and retired mail worker, Myron Larabee (Sinbad) and his son Stefan (Chris Brown).
Hercules in Los Angeles
Synopsis: Forty-one years have passed since Hercules (Arnold Schwarzenegger) went back to be with his father, Zeus, in the heavens. He ventures out once again, but this time he’s looking for love in the strange city known as Los Angeles. Corrupt cops, shady lawyers, and low riders are all new to Hercules, but he is determined to find a woman he can call his “goddess.” However, due to a curse placed upon him by the goddess Juno shortly after arriving, Hercules no longer has the muscle bound physique of his former self. Can he find love in L.A. even though he’s 63?
The Running Man 2: Out of Breath
Synopsis: After bringing down the ICS in 2019, former military pilot Ben Richards (Arnold Schwarzenegger) spent the next 25 years of his life married to Amber (Maria Alonso). Thinking the ICS was completely dismantled, Richards allows himself to become complacent, flabby and out-of-shape. So he is not prepared when one night a rogue ICS team kidnaps him and holds Amber hostage until he once again plays their game of death – this time, however, Ben won’t be running quite as fast.
Let’s hope none of these films ever get made – but knowing how Hollywood likes to scour the Internet looking for movie ideas, there is a good chance one or all of these projects could be coming soon to a theater near you. We apologize in advance if that happens.
Follow me on Twitter – @Walwus -and tell me what other sequels you wouldn’t care to see Arnold Schwarzenegger make.