The heist itself reminded me of an old duck caring for kittens while making sausage in a toilet on a space station: utterly nonsensical. In fairness, all diamond-casino-bank heist movies try to implement the ridiculous to make the story exciting by asking us to think outside the box. Flawless doesn’t ask us to think outside the box, it just lights the box on fire with the audience inside, cruelly leaving us to burn in fiery, cinematic damnation. Writer Edward Anderson deserves to eat duck-kitten-toilet-space-sausage for what he has done to my sensibilities.

Demi Moore performed like a crying two year old having a tantrum because she wants a cookie. Her crocodile tears were cause for unrestrained laughter. She was one step from putting the back of her hand on her forehead and sighing as she collapses on her fainting couch. I spent a great deal of the "film" wondering if she had ever acted before and then remembering that she is Demi Moore and she had no excuse for such an amateur quality performance.

Michael Caine isn’t nearly as terrible. I believe he does his best to give the character warmth and sincerity. I believe his worst decision was agreeing to portray any character in Flawless, but more specifically Mr. Hobbs. Mr. Hobbs strives to be a character of depth and complexity but is just a minnow in a wading pool. He only seems deep until you realize a minnow is tiny.

I have no confirmation on whether this is true, but it seems that director Michael Radford and cinematographer Richard Greatrex are extremely fond of cigarettes and women walking away in high heels. Nearly half of the movie takes place while someone is either smoking or lighting up a cigarette. Thirty percent is dedicated to Demi Moore’s rump walking away, always starting from her shoes and working up to a wide shot showing her figure. It is no surprise the movie Hoovers a bowling ball, only twenty percent is dedicated to plot or character development.

Given the choice between watching this movie again or have sandpaper repeatedly drug through my anal cavity, I’d gladly bend over. Please, save yourself, don’t see this movie. The world seems much gloomier now that I have.