There are a lot of monsters on television nowadays, just begging to get a swift roundhouse kick, or a nice falcon punch to the face. Now that Honest Abe has begun chopping vampires down like red woods in the new film Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, we decided to pay tribute to some of our favorite TV supernatural smack-downs.
Join us as we go through the exploits of vampire slayers to space captains in some of their most epic battles – even some where the good guy doesn’t necessarily win.
Monsters, demons and aliens, oh my!
The Contenders: Vampire Slayer vs Immortal Demon
When: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “Innocence” Season 2 Episode 14
The Battle: Monsters and demons are always bragging about what they can do, or just how evil they are – and The Judge was no exception. The Judge set out to separate the righteous from the wicked, and then burn the righteous down with his fiery death touch. It originally took an army of Holy Knights to take the The Judge out by dismembering him, but as no weapon formed could kill him, he remained alive but scattered amongst iron boxes for 600 years.
Fast-forward to the 20th century, and The Judge is pieced together like a creepy jigsaw puzzle of doom to resume his purge on humanity – just one thing: that whole “no weapon forged can kill me, blah blah” doesn’t really apply to modern things that go boom. In awesome cartoon-esque fashion, Buffy whips out a stolen Bazooka and carried out her own sentence of death on The Judge.
Winner: Buffy Summers
Life on Mars & Ashes to Ashes COMPLETE SERIES SPOILERS BELOW]
The Contenders: Archangel vs The Devil (both in human form)
When: Ashes To Ashes: Season 3 Episode 8
The Battle: While appearing in “human” form, DCI Gene Hunt encounters DCI James “Jim” Keats, a police officer sent from the Discipline and Complaints department of Scotland Yard to assess Hunt’s unit. Turns out that the world Hunt lives in is a type of Limbo for dead or comatose coppers, and Keats is a demon (if not, the actual Devil) trying to prevent the dead cops’ souls from ascending to Heaven. While battling for the soul of recently dead Alex Drake, Keats tries to bring Alex to his side by tricking her into thinking that he could take her back to the world of the living and reunite her with her daughter.
In one of the best TV moments of 2010, Hunt quickly steps in and bitch-slaps the demonic Keats back into the darkness – but not before the Devil can tauntingly vow that they will meet again.
Winner: Gene Hunt
The Contenders: Human Demon Hunter vs The First Demon
When: Supernatural: “No Rest for the Wicked” Season 3 Episode 16
The Battle: Lilith was one adorable little girl that needed one giant naughty step. As a devoted minion of Lucifer, her goal was to break the 66 seals that bound him to Hell and release him into the world. Turns out, that was on the top of the Winchester brothers no-no list, which caused them to try and hunt Lilith down – that and the fact that Lilith held the contract to Dean’s soul.
With time rapidly running out, Sam and Dean tracked Lilith to New Harmony, Indiana. Unfortunately, the extremely powerful pint-size demon made short work of subduing the two brothers and telepathically pinned them down as her faithful Hellhounds ripped Dean apart, sending his soul straight to Hell.
The Contenders: Ageless Entity (formerly Human) vs Smoke Monster (formerly Human)
When: Lost: “The Incident, Part 2” Season 5 Episode 17
The Battle: Lost is the kind of a show that is really easy to get, well, lost in – so I’ll try to make a long story less long. Immortal Jacob and his brother, known as The Man in Black, were born on the mysterious Island in the 5th century. For centuries thereafter the two were locked in constant battle, until The Heart of the Island transforms The Man in Black into a malevolent gaseous creature known as the Smoke Monster – the incarnation of evil whose primary goal is to escape from the island and spread to humanity.
The two brothers were unable to hurt each other directly, but the Smoke Monster was able to find a loophole. In the form of the deceased John Locke, ol’ Smokey convinces Benjamin Linus to commit the murder of Jacob for him.
Ben brutally stabs Jacob and finally hands victory to the evil Smoke Monster – where’s a good vacuum when you need one?
Winner: Smoke Monster
The Contenders: Werewolf vs Vampire
When: Being Human (UK): “Bad Moon Rising” Season 1 Episode 8
The Battle: Beyoncé may think that girls run the world, but Herrick was very determined to make sure vampires took over. He had a plan, he had a growing army, and the only thing missing was his former vampire companion Mitchell to serve as general. Only problem was: Mitchell decided to live a killing-free life.
When Herrick’s schemes to get Mitchell back threaten everyone he loves, George steps up as the ultimate BFF by locking Herrick in with him on a full moon and then proceeds to eat Herrick for dinner after transforming to his werewolf state.
Winner: George… this time
The Contenders: Human vs Shapeshifting Entity
When: Fringe: “Momentum Deferred” Season 2 Episode 4
The Battle: The Shape Changer was an entity of unknown origin who could take the form of any human it killed. Dunham and the Fringe team came up across the Shape Changer multiple times, but in their last encounter the creature was wearing the face of Olivia’s best friend, FBI Agent Charlie Francis. The Shape Changer (as Charlie) lured Olivia into a trap, where he proceeds to give her the beating of a lifetime. While it was distracted, Dunham is able to retrieve her sidearm and shoot the Shape Changer square in the forehead.
Olivia is forced to shoot the creature not only while it looks like a close friend, but also never really knowing the last time she actually saw the real Charlie Francis. Messed up.
Winner: Olivia Dunham
The Contenders: Good Vampire vs Bad Vampire.
When: Angel: Entire TV series (Ongoing in comics)
The Battle: Sometimes the biggest monsters we face turn out to be ourselves. For the vampire known as Angel, that was definitely the case. As “Angelus” he had a fun penchant for torture, murdering young maidens and nailing puppies to doors – until his soul is restored to him via gypsy curse. Now Angel is forever tormented to not only remember all the terrible deeds he’s done, but to actually care about them. If Angel has a moment of “true” happiness, he will lose his soul and Angelus will return.
Angelus has reared his ugly head periodically and when he does, he makes it his new personal mission to torture Angel through his loved ones and to make sure his pesky conscience is never returned.
Winner: Angel … for now
The Contenders: Immortal Human vs Space Monster.
When: Torchwood: Children of Earth “Day Five” Season 3 Episode 5.
The Battle: The 4-5-6 was a particularly gruesome space monster hailing from a neighboring galaxy, but instead of borrowing a cup of sugar, they wanted a few million children as a “gift.” Unable to just snatch up the required kiddies, The 4-5-6 use a special frequency to communicate through the children of Earth, having the kids repeat “We are coming!” (mostly as a scare tactic). It is quickly revealed that The 4-5-6 want the kids because their young biochemicals get them higher than space weed.
While secretly hoping The Doctor would come save them, what was left of Torchwood set out to find a way to destroy the invader. They eventually deduce that they can reverse the frequency back on The 4-5-6 through a child, thereby creating a destructive feedback. The process would surely destroy the monster, but it would also painfully kill the child as well. Sadly, the only kid nearby was Captain Jack’s own grandson Steven, who he tearfully sacrificed to save the world.
The Contenders: Human vs Zombie
When: Walking Dead: “Better Angels” Season 2 Episode 12
The Battle: Shane Walsh was a perfect example of how an average man can turn into a monster both figuratively and literally. After the zombie apocalypse began, Shane abandoned his comatose buddy Rick and then proceeded to start sleeping with his wife. When Rick finally returns, he and Shane were constantly butting heads on how to best ensure the group’s safety. With Shane quite willing to murder, he lured Rick deep in the woods to put him down Old Yeller style.
Rick, being no dummy, caught on to the treachery and tearfully turned the tables on his former best friend by stabbing him in the gut. As Rick had a good cry over Shane’s dead body, the corpse rose again as a “walker.” Fortunately, before zombie Shane could get a bite in, Rick’s young son Carl puts a bullet in his head, thus ending Shane’s life for good.
Winner: Rick, with a sweet assist from Carl
The Contenders: A Plucky Human Space Captain vs Giant Alien Lizard
When: Star Trek: The Original Series: “Arena” Season 1 Episode 18
The Battle: The Federation made first contact with the species known as the Gorn at Cestus III in 2267, and as these things often go, the encounter soon turned into a misunderstanding, which nearly led to all-out war. Captain Kirk and the Gorn Captain are transported to a desert-like planet where the two are meant to fight to the death in an unarmed battle as a “trial by combat.” The superior Gorn physiology quickly gives the Gorn Captain the upper claw, but the inventive Kirk was able to MacGyver himself a decent projectile weapon out of natural elements found on the planet. Kirk’s makeshift weapon was able to swiftly bring the Gorn Captain down – but instead of killing him, Kirk opts to resolve the misunderstanding to prevent a future Gorn invasion.
Winner: James T. Kirk… and all the women of the galaxy
The Contenders: Human-Fairy Hybrid vs Werewolf
When: True Blood: “And When I Die” Season 4 Episode12
The Battle: This story is as old as time: two girls, one man – and a whole lot of crazy. Debbie saw the nauseatingly sweet Sookie sniffing around her beefy boyfriend Alcide one too many times and decided to ride dirty on that hussy waitress. Fairy versus werewolf – seem like a no-brainer, right? Well a shotgun is an amazing equalizer. Sookie gets hold of Debbie’s gun and in cold blood blasts the face off the whimpering she-wolf.
Winner: Sookie Stackhouse
The Contenders: Time Lord (Alien) vs A Religious Order (comprised of various aliens, humans and creatures)
When: Doctor Who: “The Impossible Astronaut” and “Day of the Moon” Season 6 Episode 1 & 2
The Battle: The Silence is a religious order (or movement) primarily comprised of creepy tall mouthless creatures of the same name. They have been observing and manipulating humankind’s development for centuries through the power of suggestion and the innate ability to make people forget they ever saw them. The Doctor encounters the Silence for the first time in 1969, where they were influencing humans to go to the moon.
The Doctor turns The Silence’s own ability back on them by recording a Silent saying, “You should kill us all on sight!” and then broadcasting it during the Apollo 11 moonlanding, essentially making The Silence kick their own ass by conditioning Earth’s populace into killing all Silents who remain on the planet – even though they will not remember doing so.
Winner: The Doctor (of course!)
Some special shout-outs go to:
Eric Northman vs Russell Edgington: True Blood: The fight was pretty cool, but burying Russell in concrete instead of giving him the “true death” is surely going to come back to bite everyone in the ass this season.
Derek Hale vs The Alpha: Teen Wolf: Derek (with the help of beta-wolf Scott) finally takes down the mysterious Alpha Werewolf, who turned out to be the Derek’s invalid uncle. By slashing out his uncle’s throat, Derek was elevated to the new role of Alpha.
Buffy Summers vs Everyone She’s Ever Fought: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: What can I say, Buffy is one girl who always thoroughly kicked monster ass – and only had to resort to pulling hair once. Sure, she died twice, but she always bounces back to put the fear of God (and blonde girls) into the demon world.
So there’s just a sampling of the some of the epic monster fights TV has given us over the years – and with all the new supernatural, horror and sci-fi shows that keep popping up, its certain this list will only grow in the future with even more exciting monster moments.