8 Horror Icons Almost Anyone Could Defeat

Published 1 year ago by , Updated November 1st, 2012 at 7:02 pm, This is a list post.

8 Horror Icons Almost Anyone Could Defeat

10 Horror Icons Defeat Each October we're flooded with familiar horror icons, new and old, on the big and small screen. And we're instinctively frightened or terrified by them – especially as we watch them kill everyone and everything in their path. But if we really think about it, there are quite a few horror icons that aren't exactly all that difficult to deal with. In fact, almost anyone could defeat them. Let us tell you how…

Toby (Paranormal Activity)

Toby - Paranormal Activity Toby is the worst demon in the history of Hell. At first glance, Toby seems pretty terrifying (Paranormal Activity). Unfortunately, as we learn more about how he likes to make deals with witchy women for their first born sons (Paranormal Activity 2), you begin to notice that he spends way too much time hanging around little kids (Paranormal Activity 3) - even for a demon. Fact. Nowadays Toby doesn't know what he is doing. After kidnapping "his" precious boy – which he waited almost 100 years for – he gave it up for adoption, allowed him to grow up, found out who adopted him, found another creepy kid, bought a house nearby and then had a bunch of witches move into the neighborhood. What kind of demon would do that? Loser demons. Loser demons who have nothing better to do than to follow one family for YEARS. So how do you beat Toby? Find a better demon to make a deal with. Listen, not all demons are after first born sons. You'd be surprised how many demons and/or gods are completely happy with an animal sacrifice. And those demons cannot be bamboozled by a silly Microsoft Kinect (Paranormal Activity 4). Chance of Defeating: 100%

Birds (The Birds)

The Birds A single bird isn't scary. Many birds, however, can be quite terrifying. Throw in a couple of eagles and falcons in there and the humans are up for a tough fight. Did you know that eagles kill wolves? They do. But guess what? Thanks to Hilary Swank and the 2003 movie The Core, we know that messing with the Earth's electromagnetic field will cause the birds to kill themselves. Now there's no need to make a plan to actually stop the Earth from spinning (even if we know that Hilary Swank and Aaron Eckhart can start it back up again). All we need to do is take that logic and weaponize it. Of course, since most people aren't going to be able to do it themselves (watch MythBusters), flamethrowers and shovels would work great. Or, you know, a shotgun filled with bird shot. That probably would work best. Flamethrowers, shovels and electromagnetic guns are still cooler. Chance of Defeating: 98%

Samara (The Ring)

Samara - The Ring Samara (The Ring) Samara's mother killed her by dropping her in a well. Yes, that's sad, but it's not our problem to deal with. Family issues are best left for Maury, not haunted VHS tapes. Samara's wrath (whatever it is) relies on the popularity of video tapes – which, if we're all being honest, isn't all that popular. If by some chance you do see the creepy video, you've still got 7 days to make a copy and make someone else watch it. Samara is the only horror icon that attacks on a schedule. After watching the video, you've got 5 days to waste on letting her creep you out as she prepares for her appearance. Then, after you get annoyed with all of her prank phone calls, just make a copy and make someone else watch it. Or play the video into a mirror – maybe that'll kill her? Who knows. The point is that you have 7 billion people in the world to pass this curse on to. Use it to your advantage. Chance of Defeating: 100%

Pinhead (Hellraiser)

Pinhead - Hellrasier Pinhead may very well be the most feared horror icon, and for good reason: he will take your skin AND your soul, all while torturing you for eternity. What you have on your side is that Pinhead is also one the most understanding and intellectually capable horror icons you could unfortunately meet. While Pinhead has made more than his fair share of deals in his time, the problem is that people aren't very good at keeping up their end of the bargain with him. Sometimes he'll toss in some trickery (especially if you're talking about the most recent, straight-to-DVD features), but generally he just wants bad people to pay for messing with his box.  All he wants is some souls to torture. Now, this doesn't HAVE to be you (if you play your cards right). Let's just pretend that you already opened the box (stupid – but understandable, actually). All you have to do is offer up another soul in trade. But it has to be a VERY bad one. Good thing VERY bad people exist in this world. Use them to save yourself. Tell him you'll send him into a prison full of souls, and he'll be more than happy to leave you be... for now. Chance of Defeating Pinhead (by not dying): 75%

Jigsaw (Saw)

Jigsaw - Saw Listen, I'm not going to lie to you. If you're dealing with Jigsaw, it's very likely that you're a jerk in the first place. There's a slim chance you just got caught up in someone else's challenge, but Jigsaw – at least the original – had some method to his painful madness. Considering it's too late to tell you to simply be a better person, the only way to survive is to play his game. On some weird level, he's trying to make you a better person. True, you may lose some flesh and/or blood weight, but you'll come out of it better. Hopefully. Like Pinhead, there really isn't a way to "defeat" Jigsaw. But I'd say that, in this case, surviving is just as good. Chance of Defeating Jigsaw (by staying alive): 100% (if you do what you're told – and don't suck at games)

Carrie (Carrie)

Carrie Yes, Carrie does have some dangerous abilities. But she's only dangerous when she's angry. While many people out there will understand the difficulties of dealing with an emotional high school girl, it's still just an emotional high school girl. Give her some flowers, bring her some cupcakes, make a mixtape – c'mon, do something. Listen, if the difference between life and death is a smile, how about you jump around and do a silly dance? If you're an attractive man who just wants to be a really terrible person, you could sacrifice yourself to her and tell her you love her, thus saving everyone else from her wrath. But once she finds out you don't really love her…. Good luck! Chance of defeating: 100%

Chucky (Child's Play)

Chucky - Child's Play Chucky is a plastic doll with the soul of serial killer. Sure, he has a wife and kid now, but let's take it back to the beginning. If you're a kid and have to deal with Chucky, your small hands and general physical weaknesses are no match for China's plastic. Adults, however, should have no problem tearing apart Chucky. We've all seen people do some crazy stuff in TV and movies that could be used to help us kill him. Do it! Take his body parts, split them up into different boxes and Megatron/Dexter him to the bottom of the ocean. Do something. Even if he has the soul of serial killer, he really is only plastic. But what about the fact that he's small? Step on him. Do you really want to be the person your friends mock for being killed by a doll? They should and will. So how about everyone stops dying from an angry doll, okay? Chance of defeating: 90%

Norman Bates (Psycho)

Norman Bates - Psych Norman Bates, oh how your iconic shower scene is played over and over again. Here's the thing: you just stabbed some woman who was staying at a hotel you creepily owned. That's like killing someone who is taking a shower at your house. Not exactly all that challenging, per se. Sure, he may have crazy thoughts of his mother rolling around in his head, but he's still just a gangly man out for murder. While you can't really plan for someone to surprise you in the shower, take a note from Howie Mandell and generally avoid strange bathrooms of any kind – especially in a motel. If, somehow, Bates is still able to get into your room, it'll be face-to-face battle. Because of his awkward, creepy, passive-aggressive, mother-loving personality, it's very likely that it would cause him to freak out and run away. If all else fails, grasp your keys firmly in your hand and just start stabbing (learned that on The View). Since Norman is adverse to direct confrontation, all you have to do is survive his first couple of swings before his "flight" instinct jumps in. Change of defeating: 85%

Conclusion

10 Horror Icons Defeat So there you have it… You now have the tools to survive another day (or another icon). But what about Freddy, Jason and all the rest? Well, you can stay safe from Jason by avoiding poorly run camps. As for Freddy, you should probably stay away from any city named Springwood. Because once Freddy has your scent, the only thing you can do is default to "9, 10 – never sleep again!" What other horror icons do you think would be easy to defeat? And how would you do it? (Remember, electromagnetic guns and shovels is already taken).
TAGS: carrie, childs play, hellraiser, Paranormal Activity, saw

116 Comments

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  1. Awesome list – I love how you referenced The Core, very amusing!!

  2. Eh, I’d probably take “Jigsaw” out of there. I don’t remember his traps being so easily able to escape and I don’t think “anyone” would have the guts for it. I’d replace him with the Leperchuan or something.

    • The first saw, only thing guy had to do was saw off his foot. That’s 100 percent achievable. You may lose body parts. But you can get away. you can escape jaws, don’t go swimming in deep water. Jason never runs, have you notice? Someone black like me, he’s not catching. A girl tripping over her own feet. Very likely.

      • “That’s 100 percent achievable.”

        yeaaah riiiight…

        • So you would die instead of cutting off your leg?

          • Would die of shock (blood loss) mate

            • Have you watch the other ones? He finds a steam pipe and uses the heat form it to stop blood loss so he doesn’t bleed out.

          • Like Greenlite say you would die from blood loss if you don’t have medical attention.

            Besides that, I don’t think you can stand the pain if you have to do it wit a saw. Maybe with a axe or something with one clean cut but not sawing yourself for 30 minutes, you will faint from the pain.

            • Remember that movie 128 hrs? Yea the one where that rock climber cut his own arm off with a small knife? I say you still have a shot to cut your foot off and survive.

              • Achievable is right. Didn’t Dr Gordon hold is leg up to something hot to cauterize it? Also applying a tourniquet such as a belt would work too.

                • Martin’s right.
                  Nobody’s taking into account the fact that you would pass out (either from the act itself or) from the pain, probably before you even got to the bone, yet you’re acting like sawing your leg off is easy.

      • Achievable? I guess, but not exactly desirable. Like I said I don’t think many people would be up for that. Jason never runs, but the dude has quite an arm when it comes to throwing axes. I’m still sold on the lepercaun. I saw 2 of those movies awhile ago, but from what I understand you just give him gold or throw a shoe at him and he leaves you alone.

      • lol… even a dull hacksaw would cut through the chain just as easily as your leg…. sooooo…

      • “Jason never runs, have you noticed? Someone black like me, he’s not catching.”

        You haven’t seen Jason Takes Manhattan have you?

      • It’s been a while since i watched the movie, but wasn’t he supposed to kill the other guy? Sawing his foot off was a second option that he elected to use due to his unwillingness to kill.

      • Ever heard of blood-loss? Or shock? And I remember Jason running in one of the movies. It’s Michael Meyers who doesn’t run.

    • In the first one the doctor just had to give the other guy a poisoned cigarette. Don’t be more concerned about the other prisoners watch out for number one.

      Also the cop in 2 just had to sit there and not be a hero. You wanna survive follow instructions.

      After 2 the games get harder to survive though.

  3. Make the opposite list now !

    Freddy #1 in my opinion.

  4. Michael Myers would be pretty easy…
    If you’re a girl don’t agree to babysit your neighbors bratty kid on Halloween.
    If you’re a guy and your girlfriend agreed to babysit don’t go over the house thinking you’ll get lucky.
    But if you end it in that situation just hydrate beforehand and bring a good pair of running shoes and then just do that… Run.
    Michael was never that fast.

    • Myers is easier than that actually. Just don’t be related to him, or near anyone that is.

  5. Jaws 100%, dont be in/near large body of saltwater.

    • what your scared of the ocean wow lol haha

  6. My favorite list yet! I always like coming up with ideas on how I would defeat horror monsters. I would add the Scream serial killer. He’s always fumbling around and is only human AND he only uses a knife. All you need is a baseball bat to fend his ass off. Or a gun :)

    • They actually did use a gun, on three different ones, didnt work.

  7. Just drag Freddy into the real world and he is human. Michael Myers is cool because he has a Captain Kirk mask. But JASON KILLS ALL!!!

  8. Funny article Anthony….When I read this “We’ve all seen people do some crazy stuff in TV and movies that could be used to help us kill him.” I inmediately thought of Louie´s episode…LOL

  9. I think I beat up all of these guys back when I lived in Chicago!

  10. Leatherface-Stay out of Texas, and/or keep plenty of gas just in case you run out. Having good endurance so you can run without getting exhausted in the first 5 minutes doesnt hurt either, after all, you going up against an out of shape guy running with a chainsaw. If you can run for 15 minutes straight, you live.

  11. How about the old Michael Myers he wasn’t frightening as the New Micheal Myers. Rob Zombie make his version intense to the point that he makes you sit to the edge of your seat

  12. HISHE had a pretty good way to defeat the Texas chainsaw guy.

  13. Vanishing on 7th street – buy environmental friendly lights.

    Session 9, don’t work in murder houses.

  14. every found footage film- don’t film everything you do, it’s pretty much a death sentence!

  15. The Saw films have nothing on Audition if you fancy being scared out of your wits in a creepy Shining/gore filled psychological horror sort of way its a good watch. Its the only recent film I’ve watched to match the original japanese Ring in its scare factor. Although like the article said the girl in The Ring could be beaten if only the characters thought about it a bit. I found the Saw films lacked the bite they were hyped on due to the complete breakdown in motivations of the various incarnations of the bad guy and his followers. As for Paranormal Activity… Its a lame concept, you’re filming everything, really..? Why not simply drop the camera and run away say.

  16. You dont’ defeat SAMARA by havin someone else watch it–that was an idea the characters from the RING Two thought worked. The only way to defeat her is by making a copy of the tape–not make someone else watch the tape. Th other survival tip: after the 7th day has passed u can watch th vid again and Samara wont try callin u again.

  17. Michael Myers – One good shotgun blast to the head or just continually beating his head in should cover that.

    Leatherface and his family – Beat up the sheriff, take his gun and shoot them all.

    Tooth Fairy – Have a lot of money to pay your electric bill because you’re gonna have to keep your lights on.

    IT – Don’t believe in him. Or if you do, just believe you can kill him with anything.

    Cujo – Continuously beating it with a blunt object or a gunshot should kill him.

    • Michael Myers survives even though he is decapitated so blasting his head or beating it in most likely wouldnt work…

  18. Awesome list. Please make more, there are many more movie monsters out there that could be defeated.

  19. A lot of these a very conditional.

    The Birds, those characters didn’t have access to guns or flame-throwers. Do you carry a flamethrower around at all times? Plus you assume we are ready to just mess up the Earth’s electro-magnetic field at the drop of a hat?

    Hellraiser, again you are assuming Pinhead lets you go in the first place. And most of the souls people trade are of people who have previously solved the puzzle box and escaped.

    Saw, just don’t suck at games? I’d like to see you cut out your own eyeball to get a key.

    I stopped reading after that one…

  20. This could have been titled 8 Horror Icons Who were irrationally pissed off.

  21. With Psycho it depends which Norman Bates we’re talking about. If its the original sure, definetly (maybe) have a chance of killing him. If it’s the Christian Bale version of Norman Bates… good luck.

    • Christian Bale never played Norman Bates. Psycho and American Psycho are two vastly different films

      • he played patrick bateman instead of norman bates and the movie’s called american physco instead of psycho, if you don’t see the relation you’ve obviously been dropped on the head too many times as a child..

        • No, American Psycho is completely different from Psycho. Norman Bates is a reserved psychopath and owns a motel/hotel and Patrick Bateman can be reserved, but you know from the jump that he’s the monster here. With Norman, you think it’s his mother. Oh, and Patrick works as a businessman. There are some similarities, but they are both different works.

  22. Freddy is number one, no matter how many times you bring him to the real world and kill him, he just makes another deal with the devil. You also can’t escape from Jason he will find you, Myers is pretty much super human so good luck, Jigsaw is a master mind, and if you do survive you better change your life around. Another then that I agree with everything else

  23. But VHS players are getting harder to find. I’d be screwed.

  24. Demon in Drag Me To Hell. If you ever get cursed by a creepy gypsy just take the cursed object in this case a button sew it on a jacket and give it to someone else. If you wimp out and try to hide it in an envelope you deserve everything you get.

  25. Chainsaw massacre remake- dont pick up bloody girls on the side of the road just call the cops and keep driving.

  26. you cant survive pin head even if you offer him a evil soul he will kill you and have a cenobite take control of your body also he gains power from evil souls and will use it on you. ok think about hellraiser 3 hell on earth the girl terry gave the guy who owned the club to pinhead she was turned into a cenobite oh also pinhead can mind rape you like Hannibal Lecter into killing your self.

  27. good list but too many holes.
    1. no one’s tricking hellraiser
    2. if jigsaw has already caught you chances are your gonna die
    3. if you havent watched the ring your gonna die

    you also missed some easy ones:
    1. the wicked witch of the west, just spit on her and your half way to killing her.
    2. cujo, he’s just a dog.
    3. ghostface, he’s ussually a 20 yr old skinny college student, c’mon.
    4. freddy kreuger, if you know its your dream you can torture him instead
    5. puppets, just like chucky, it says it all in the name “child’s play”
    6. Jack Torrence(shining) 40 something year old, out of shape pops.
    7. gremlins, just don’t buy a mysterious animal from a chinaman.
    8. jaws, really? just stay out of the water for about a month..

    that’s my 2 cents..

  28. The killer bunnies from night of the lepus would not be dangerous or the killer snails in slugs

  29. Loved the list Anthony, thanks for making me laugh!

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